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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Social Media trolls

85 replies

User57327259 · 18/07/2021 10:39

I have hesitated to post about this because as a result of my experiences I do not need any more nastiness.
I have a troll or trolls on Social Media. It has been going on for years. There are signs that the troll(s) might know an awful lot about me so I think they might be people I know rather than random people. At times I get more worried about this other times I think they are just cowards.
I have reported this to the various social media companies but no change. I have told Police but they say is it not bad enough for them to deal with. I was also told that as most of the social media companies are not UK so they are beyond local police.
I read about how the abuse of England football players is going to be investigated and those responsible will be named to police in the UK.
I am disappointed that I can not have the troll(s) contacting me investigated similarly.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Mountaingoatling · 18/07/2021 11:33

The police have told you they are not taking action having seen the messages.

Your options are:
Complain about this following the police complaints process
Block the trolls
Share the messages online on your accounts asking others to help identify them / possibly frightening them to stop

I don't see what other options you have. You can block messages from.non contacts on all platforms and limit readability of your posts to only those you choose to see them, ie on Facebook you can lock your profile

ElementalIllusions · 18/07/2021 11:35

How do you know they turned up there? Did they approach you? Threaten you? Did they post photos?
Or did they just say “I saw User57327259 at ‘the library’ I wonder what they were doing there”

I know you think being vague is helping your anonymity, but we can’t help you very well if you don’t tell us what is actually going on.

I suppose a bit of stalking is not beyond them
So do you know who it is? Or are you just guessing based on things they are saying?

Northofsomewhere · 18/07/2021 11:36

I think you need to take the first steps towards cutting them out which is blocking them. If they then escalate to creating new profiles and abuse report then again to the social media platform, block and report to police. If they do ever turn up at your work/house/etc then call the police. But to not block just because they might escalate doesn't really work, they could still escalate anyway.

Take control of what you can which is how you use social media and who can see what you are doing. If you suspect it's one of people on your social media I'd consider unfriending/following/blocking anyone you don't actually want to keep in contact with as well as tightening your settings. Most platforms now are very good and you're able to control who can see anything as well as messaging.

Whiskycav · 18/07/2021 11:36

You don't have to give wording. but you can say wether its a hate crime or not.

You would not be the only person in the world getting this sort of thing.

At the moment it sounds like you are engaging with someone who you would prefer not to or someone who seems very full on. Which is why the police can't do anything.

You need to ask this person to leave alone. And block. If they person creates another account, to contact you then you need to go back to the police.

Though I am confused as to why you are engaging when you think this person is pretending to be one person, but you think it's another.

Also a hate crime is different to stalking/harassment.

ImInStealthMode · 18/07/2021 11:40

You don't have to come off completely and lose touch with people you do want to connect with, but you can go a long way to protecting yourself.

On Facebook your account can be almost entirely locked down and private (especially if you choose to have no or a generic profile and cover picture). On Instagram your account can be private, and on Twitter you can have a private account, close your DMs, only allow people you follow (or people you have tagged) to reply.

Block people, lock down your accounts and move on.

Original poster
User57327259 · 18/07/2021 11:41

@Mountaingoatling The police did not see the messages. I had been ready to show them but they refused to read them.

@ElementalIllusions I was asked by one of the trolls about being at a certain place. Why I was there and what I was doing there.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/07/2021 11:45

[quote User57327259]@WorraLiberty I have not said anything on here about what is being said to me. They could even be here too which is why I have not given any wording from the messages[/quote]
I'm confused now because you've said this in reply to me saying...

By the way, this is nothing like the England footballers who received death threats to them and their families and disgusting racist abuse.

So are you saying it is comparable?

If so, why are the police not interested?

Original poster
User57327259 · 18/07/2021 11:50

@WorraLiberty I am trying not to be too specific in case I am being watched on here too. Would you be willing to have a PM from me explaining more of what is going on and then you can say whether you think my situation is bad and if so you could confirm to the other posters without saying too much?

OP posts:
cookiesandcreamm · 18/07/2021 11:55

Op what the frig is going on!?
You have seen them in person when they've turned up wherever you are?
Do you know them?
Why are they doing this to you?

I understand you don't want to give too much out but with no information it's just going to go in circles.

Delete your social media if it's that bad. Or if you don't want to cut it right back to basics make everything private and delete people you don't really speak to.

480Widdio · 18/07/2021 11:58

What a drama! Block them and move on,simple solution.

WorraLiberty · 18/07/2021 11:58

[quote User57327259]@WorraLiberty I am trying not to be too specific in case I am being watched on here too. Would you be willing to have a PM from me explaining more of what is going on and then you can say whether you think my situation is bad and if so you could confirm to the other posters without saying too much?[/quote]
No, not really to be honest. If you're not comfortable putting this on the internet, you shouldn't be comfortable messaging strangers either.

I'm not sure what anyone here can advise you, other than to block them and you're not going to do that 🤷‍♀️

Traled · 18/07/2021 12:01

@User57327259

Another reason I did not block was that if this is keeping the troll(s) happy it means they might not other things like turn up at my work or wait outside until I come out. I thought I was taking the less awful route. I dont want anyone appearing at work or any other places I go.
they're already turning up at places thoughyou think, so keeping them isn't stopping that and is just giving them access to contact you, block them to cut the immediate contact and if they turn up and come up in person or you get things in the post, document and escukate to the police again or call 999 if you feel in danger/they're abusive in person.
Original poster
User57327259 · 18/07/2021 12:01

@cookiesandcreamm I do know what is going on. I have seen them in person. I do know them. I know what has happened that caused them to bear me a grudge. I have taken steps to protect myself and this will be a further thing to anger them.
I have gone through social media and cut right back to people I actually know, no friends of friends, no people who might know the people I am concerned about.
I think the best way to describe what I have done is "this worm has turned"

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 18/07/2021 12:06

Is it a troll or someone you have some kind of a relationship with harassing you? Are the accounts anonymous?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 18/07/2021 12:06

So you do know who they are, you said you didn't Confused

cookiesandcreamm · 18/07/2021 12:08

What exactly have you done to cause this?

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 18/07/2021 12:10

You said you didn't know who they were. Now you say you do know them and you know exactly why they are targeting you. Which is it?

Original poster
User57327259 · 18/07/2021 12:17

I am not sure who exactly is doing this but there are a limited number of people who would have some of the information being messaged to me. I think it could be one or more of a group of people.
@cookiesandcreamm after years of being the underdog I took control of my life. I made changes. I refused to do as I was told. I didnt like how my life was so I changed things

OP posts:
cookiesandcreamm · 18/07/2021 12:19

Ok so to me you cut people off?

FriedasCarLoad · 18/07/2021 12:19

So many people are saying 'just block them'.

My closest friend spent a decade sending me anonymous threatening messages, masquerading as the man who had raped me. He was technically more proficient than me, and far more cunning.

I blocked each profile and each number. It didn't help.

Let's offer the OP sympathy she deserves.

ElementalIllusions · 18/07/2021 12:21

Are you friends with the people you think it is on SM?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 18/07/2021 12:23

The op hasn't blocked any profiles though, and is engaging in conversation with them.

Op says she knows and has seen who it is and then says she doesn't.

Of course the op shouldn't be subject to abuse, but she really hasn't done a single thing to stop it at all and seems to be encouraging it so it's hard to sympathise.

Original poster
User57327259 · 18/07/2021 12:26

@cookiesandcreamm It was not an easy decision. I was being taken advantage of and being ridiculed and mostly verbally abused but sometimes physically abused. Other abuses happened. Bruises fade but verbal abuse goes round and round in the head. I took a leap of faith and I would never go back to that life now I have seen different..

@FriedasCarLoad Thank you. It is not the same as you had but it is a bit similar in some ways. It has made me untrusting of others

OP posts:
nc8765 · 18/07/2021 12:27

Yeh yeh ok OP. You say you know who it is and then you don't?

Just block and move. Don't engage.

What are you posting about yourself and your whereabouts on your SM that your troll will stalk you?

I also don't buy your reasoning for coming off SM. If you have strong friendships, they can exist outside of the internet. I've come off all socials for long periods of time (12m+) and never had my social life or long distance friendships lacked because of it.

WorraLiberty · 18/07/2021 12:28

@FriedasCarLoad

So many people are saying 'just block them'.

My closest friend spent a decade sending me anonymous threatening messages, masquerading as the man who had raped me. He was technically more proficient than me, and far more cunning.

I blocked each profile and each number. It didn't help.

Let's offer the OP sympathy she deserves.

It didn't work for you but it might for the OP.

Even the police would expect her to at least block them.