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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How many times is too many

31 replies

Imascarecrow · 17/07/2021 23:35

To be called a C u next Tuesday. All because I wanted dp to hold our 6 week old who was moaning wanting to be held as he hadn't touched her all day. But nope.. 'im too hot'.

OP posts:
Darbs76 · 17/07/2021 23:37

Once is too much if you’re simply asking your husband to hold his child

MyOtherProfile · 17/07/2021 23:38

Not sure it's just what he called you that's the issue.

DeadGood · 17/07/2021 23:38

Completely abnormal.
You’re better off without him

Beachtrip · 17/07/2021 23:39

Once.
Doesn't even need context.

Original poster
Imascarecrow · 17/07/2021 23:41

Thanks, I know it's wrong but somehow it's always justified. And that's literally exactly why darbs.

OP posts:
NewallKnowall · 17/07/2021 23:42

Once is too many

user27424799642256 · 17/07/2021 23:44

Once.

Is this the environment in which you want your daughter to spent her key developmental period that will determine the course of her life?

I sure as hell wouldn't. There is support for you to leave.

GrandDuchessRomanov · 17/07/2021 23:44

As PPs have said once is too many.

Have you always had such little self respect for yourself OP?

BlatantlyNameChanged · 17/07/2021 23:44

Once.

I've been with DH for 20 years. We have had many disagreements in that time, especially in the newborn days when we've had the 3am whispered "go fuck yourself" argument because we're overtired. We've never referred to the other a cunt though. It's misogynistic, hateful, and unnecessary.

NoPointInWednesdays · 17/07/2021 23:46

Once, he wouldn't get a second chance tbh especially as I would be asking for help with his own child.

What is he 5?! Sounds like something out of Kevin and Perry taking a tantrum because it’s too hot?! Hmm your worth so much more than this OP, don’t let him make you feel it’s justified because it’s seriously not Flowers

Haggisfish3 · 17/07/2021 23:47

Once.

Blossomtoes · 17/07/2021 23:48

Once is too many. We’ve been together for 23 years and that word’s never been used by either of us in relation to the other. It’s unforgivable.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 17/07/2021 23:48

I would be horrified if DH called me a cunt in any circumstances. I’m sure there are people who use it so frequently it’s power and meaning is diluted. You know what this is. It sounds like abuse.

EnjoyingTheSunshine · 17/07/2021 23:49

He seems like a price.

Seriously, OP, I was in abusive relationships in the past and thought for a long time name calling is normal.

It isn't, my partner never calls me names. We do argue sometimes and it can get heated, but he never ever calls me names.

Original poster
Imascarecrow · 17/07/2021 23:50

Thankyou everyone for your input! As for self respect, I tend to write it off a lot and forget about it. It doesn't happen very often but when it does it hurts.
I'm definitely going to say this isn't respectful at all especially if it's towards someone you love. Let's see how it's justified 😂

OP posts:
Teenagehorrorbag · 18/07/2021 00:05

Awful! My DH would never use a word like that - and also would never use any sort of abusive language to me. I may have used the F word to him on occasion when really angry but mainly we don't swear full stop.

The C word is unacceptable in any situation - but in the scenario you describe his response is unforgiveable! He has no respect for you - and if this is commonplace you really need to make plans to leave. Plus, he should want to cuddle his DD!

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/07/2021 00:10

Do you mean you’re going to ask him to justify it?

If you don’t like the idea of your child being brought up hearing that sort of language, least of all to her mother, you have to leave him.

You know that or you wouldn’t be asking here.

He’s disgusting.

fluffyatemycake · 18/07/2021 00:12

I've been with my DH 10 years and he would never dream of calling me names like that, least of all for something so trivial. This is not acceptable.

dotdotdotdash · 18/07/2021 00:16

My ex called me this when my baby was two days old and honestly it was the point I knew I had to leave. It took me a while though. You deserve better.

WeAllHaveWings · 18/07/2021 00:18

It doesn't happen very often but when it does it hurts.

In 30 years my dh had never called me a cunt or any other deogratory term. Doesn't mean we don't argue, we do, but we don't resort to insults.

Not sure whether it is because he just isn't the type or because I don't do it to him and he knows I wouldn't put up with it.

Who knows, but OP you set the tone and if he doesn't fit with that move on. For your sake as well as your dd.

AdoraBell · 18/07/2021 00:34

Once is too many.

DrManhattan · 18/07/2021 06:58

What are you doing with such a loser

MarianneUnfaithful · 18/07/2021 09:05

Oh love.

Post- natal with a 6 week old that he doesn’t want to hold?

You can’t have your baby growing up listening to that.

Can you go to your Mum’s or sister’s or a friend’s for a few days to give yourself a rest from the abuse and time to recoup?

PyjamaFan · 18/07/2021 09:07

I don't think it's ever OK to be called that. My DH has never called me anything like that before.

KatherineOfGaunt · 18/07/2021 09:10

Let me get this right: you asked the father of your child to hold his beautiful, six-week-old daughter because she wanted to be held by someone who loves her and his response was to call you a cunt?

And you're asking how many times is too many?

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