Leaving London

[properg]

Don't get me wrong I know as secondary schooling approaches many people leave London but has anyone noticed it's more prevalent than usual? Lots of neighbours & friends left over the last yr but this week another 4 of my dcs classmates are planning to go over the summer & 2 are good friends of her/us. I think that makes 9 from the one class & only 1 has an sibling approaching secondary school.

It's making me feel a bit insecure for some reason & questioning whether we should be looking to go to?

When I left London (lived in Fulham for 4 years) so many people quoted '...tired of London, tired of life' at me. It was fucking weird. I know its a famous quote so its an easy reply, but it was like they were trying to justify staying themselves by believing that there must be something wrong with my charactor. Its never happened anywhere else ive lived.

Op I know how you feel - am also a born and bred Londoner, with no family ties elsewhere, and so is my dp.

Lots of people move for more space, better quality of life etc, but I have learnt that it’s very important to be close to family as parents get older.

Also, personally, I’m a city person not a country person. The pandemic was so challenging because we were all stuck inside and I would have loved a bigger house and a private garden at that point! But the reality of looking after a big property isn’t for me.

I love cities and the churn and movement of people and ideas. It is still very sad when your friends leave, and there are a lot of people doing that at the moment so I know how you feel. But I try to stay open and happy to meet the new people who are joining

Also on a side note, people get SO emotional about staying/ leaving london! It’s not necessary. I would never judge other people’s desires to live elsewhere, but I do roll my eyes when people who don’t want to live in London want to tell me how shit it is to live here.

@greensteps

Also on a side note, people get SO emotional about staying/ leaving london! It’s not necessary. I would never judge other people’s desires to live elsewhere, but I do roll my eyes when people who don’t want to live in London want to tell me how shit it is to live here.

Yes! This is what I found to be so bonkers! Ive never experienced it anywhere else

Well I live in a leafy Zone 3 area. People have moved from zone 2 to here for more space but to still be close to work. A few people with primary aged kids have left London completely but that always happens. Most people have stayed.

I know a family who moved to the south coast as their work promised full time WFH. Their employers changed their mind and now it’s 2/3 days in the office with no guarantee it will stay that low. They both work so now have to try and find rental accommodation in central London for alternate blocks of 2 days. Their primary aged child will now barely see them.

I had another friend move to the Kent coast pre Covid ‘for the kids’ when they were primary age. She regrets it now as most of the secondary's near her are really struggling with attainment or even ambition.

It may feel unsettling when friends leave but not all of them came from London in the first place so it’s fair enough if they want to go back to their home town. They are also likely to be able to afford bigger houses outside too.

It’s a massive city, there will always be churn. Don’t let what others are doing make you doubt how you’re living your life. How do you know they are even making the best long term decisions anyway? See my examples above.

@Loudestcat14

Livingintheclouds Very rare to hear of someone coming back! What's prompted your return?

It is not all that unusual at all.

It is common to move for secondary schools and also not unusual to move back either. All depends on individuals.

DH and I grew up in different areas of outer London. Now that we have children ourselves we live in another area of outer London. Though closer in/less surburban than where we both grew up as per our preference.

I think some people who grew up elsewhere and came to London for work couldn’t ever envisage wanting to stay long term and then if they did, there was a bit of reluctance. People have always left to start a family, before secondary etc. That has been fuelled recently with the pandemic plus prospect of remote working and stamp duty rules fuelling moves.

Ultimately I think you just have to choose what you want. I couldn’t hack rural life, have no interest in a Home Counties commute (even if just a day or two a week), love being able to jump on the tube and take advantage of everything London has to offer. But that’s me. Other people have different preferences and priorities and that’s them.

Where I live is expensive too and I realise we’re fortunate to afford it. Ideally I’d live a bit further in nearer a better high street but I can’t afford to. If I couldn’t afford a house in London I’d probably move further out. Money is such a driver of these choices.

I also wish it was less transient at times but again, I like where I live so I’m not going to move to follow other people’s lifestyle choices!

I now have a double garage and OMG it's great!

Living the dream! Oh to have this much storage.

Lots of people move for more space, better quality of life etc, but I have learnt that it’s very important to be close to family as parents get older.

We are both very family oriented & my mum & mil live extremely close which is great with young dc so that is a major tie for me.

Yes! This is what I found to be so bonkers! Ive never experienced it anywhere else

It does seem to create lots of division which as you say is bonkers.

It’s a massive city, there will always be churn. Don’t let what others are doing make you doubt how you’re living your life. How do you know they are even making the best long term decisions anyway? See my examples above.

I think it's just because I never even thought of living elsewhere or even another area just assumed I would stay pretty much where I was forever & the pandemic has made me appreciate certain things more than before.

Off street parking - what a miserable reason to move house.

Nobody moves simply because of parking! They move for a variety of reasons inc. bigger house, bigger garden, closer to family, closer to good schools, access to the great outdoors, escaping crime and other quality of life issues. The off-street parking is just a nice bonus (says someone who had to park her car on the street for years and it got trashed).

I think OP if you've reached the point where you wish you had a garage and/or off street parking it's time to move, irrespective of what everyone else is doing.

Having had the experience of having done the move out and now moving back, I think it just depends on what you hope/wish for when you move.
We hoped to become part of a community, we didn’t, partly because my children were older, my husband (who started off WFH full time but then got pulled back to a london job) was working long days/tired.
We loved our house, bigger garden, it was brilliant when friends came to stay, lots of room for children’s friends to stay etc, but as we didn’t really make many friends where we lived once the children finished school we decided we didn’t need to be there anymore, if we’d had other connections like family in the area I’m sure it would have made a massive difference.
I’m just glad we are able to make these choices, I think you should do what’s right for you at the time and make the best of it, there’s no better/worse really, both have good and bad and people will always try and justify why ones better than the other, which is pointless really, as what works for you won’t necessarily work for others.

@Wilkolampshade I agree with so much of your post and I also feel like moving back to London is ‘moving back home’
We are lucky as most of our friends stayed and because our DC were at primary in London we made friends who we kept up with even when we lived outside of London.
Now we are older we’ve got different priorities and I don’t need a big house anymore, we are currently living in a two bedroom apartment and I love not having to spend all my time cleaning or gardening and we currently don’t even own a car (we used to have 3) I was in the car all the time, had to drive everywhere, I certainly don’t miss that.
I’m hoping we will complete on the house in Aug/Sept and I’m really looking forward to being back in London.

I'm in the South West & have met two new families in the past couple of weeks who have moved from London or the Home Counties for a different life out here. Both had pre-school children but both had moved partly due to wfh options.

@flowerpootle

Hi OP

I am in London and muse about the pandemic exodus. Here is my thinking about staying / leaving:

• where do I have most opportunities work wise
• if my job is in London am I up for commuting, even if it's only twice a week and not being able to do school run etc.
• would it be good for my DH to leave London (career wise, health wise)
• am I up for leaving my friends and family
• am I up for starting again socially
• where is the best place for me to pursue my interests (arts and fashion)
• where is the best access to healthcare and specialists for my DC's health condition.
• am I keen to manage bigger house / garden etc

I know people will come on and say that arts great in other cities and healthcare etc but for me on that range of criteria London comes out on top.

This is a good list.

One other big item on our list is that if we move out, we will most likely be priced out of moving back in again. We could not bear to leave London forever, so we stayed. And negotiated the crazy grammar/independent secondary school/sixth form palaver. Friends who move out to the burbs still came in to London on weekends.

London is worth it.

@Itscoldouthere
Similar, we kept up with a couple of friends, who we have reconnected with... others not so much.
I threw myself into working right in the middle of the community at a local school for most of our time there, successfully I hope, but despite my best efforts life just kept pulling us away..
Hope I see you around on other similar discussions.. Good to know we aren't alone.

@Itscoldouthere. currently considering moving back - have been out of london two years, being close to walks and nature is amazing, the extra space, fantastic. But I miss my networks and its been really hard to make friends here despite so many efforts, people are friendly for a few words, but the cliques don't really open up where we are. We are wondering if we just picked an insular spot... Which county was yours? And do you feel 100% positive on moving back? I worry about doing so as the kids have settled well and it feels like its more for me...

I know lots of Londoners in this position but I do think it happens in any case as they get towards secondary application time and can’t face the bunfight and commute for London schools. If you live in London and have very academic kids then there are lots of options but not so great maybe if they need a bit more support it seems.