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Original poster

Partners ex wife having parcels delivered here

42 replies

MissEleaneous · 17/07/2021 11:37

I'm not personally in this situation, but my partner's ex, the mother of his son, (we will call her Sophie) is having this problem with the ex-wife (Jade) of her partner (Adam).

For context of the situation, Sophie lives with her partner and they have just recently had a baby together. Adam has children with his ex Jade and so they do need to maintain contact. Jade previously lived with Adam in the house he and Sophie now live in together, but of course she moved out after they broke up.

So the problem is that ex wife Jade keeps having parcels delivered to the home Sophie and Adam now share. This is not a one off but happens regularly. These parcels often have Jade's married name on too.

This is really getting to Sophie and she is beginning to think its being done intentionally. I think, even if its not being done on purpose, Jade is still being completely selfish and self absorbed to not have considered why this might be upsetting for Sophie.

Would is be unreasonable if she put her foot down and said no more? And then refused to accept any future parcels or returned them to sender?

Jade also calls Adam pretty much every day (supposedly children related but not really), turns up at the house without warning and has done a few other things that suggest she's trying to maintain her presence and I can understand why Sophie is not dealing with it well. She, like so many of us, struggles with her mental health at times and this situation is really affecting her. I'm pretty worried about her, especially since she only gave birth a couple of months ago and so of course she's feeling especially vulnerable. Thoughts?

OP posts:
OoglyMoogly · 17/07/2021 11:42

Thoughts? Not your circus.

TheQueef · 17/07/2021 11:44

Thoughts?
Keep out of all that.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 17/07/2021 11:45

Well, for a start the ex married name is actually her name.

toastantea · 17/07/2021 11:46

I'm not personally in this situation,

'Thoughts?'

You are not personally involved in the situation.

Geamhradh · 17/07/2021 11:46

Can't be arsed to draw up any kind of family tree to work out who the feck any of these people are but if the "partner" doesn't want "the ex" having stuff delivered then the "partner" deals with it.

MiddleParking · 17/07/2021 11:47

It would piss me off if any ex resident of my house was getting parcels delivered there.

AnUnoriginalUsername · 17/07/2021 11:48

If someone was getting parcels delivered to my house I would either refuse to accept them, or if they come through the letterbox write "not at this address" and stick in a postbox.

Mistressofnone · 17/07/2021 11:49

I was lost at the first paragraph.

From what I can decode they should move somewhere new and have a fresh start. Jade needs to update her details on Amazon.

HeckyPeck · 17/07/2021 11:49

It's annoying having someone else's parcels continually delivered to you. Presumably they aren't a post office!

Original poster
MissEleaneous · 17/07/2021 11:50

So she's reached out to me for help and is calling or messaging every few days distraught about it and I'm very worried about her.
I just wanted some other views on whether the advice I've given her is unreasonable or not (ie that it's fine to say she is not happy for this to continue) but thanks for being so helpful guys - appreciate it...

OP posts:
Aprilx · 17/07/2021 11:54

Good grief why are you bothering with something so remote from you. Find a hobby.

Original poster
MissEleaneous · 17/07/2021 11:55

No, it isn't. She uses her maiden name as most women do after divorce.

OP posts:
toastantea · 17/07/2021 11:57

So she's reached out to me for help and is calling or messaging every few days distraught about it

I'm sorry but this is fucking nuts. Just say no to the delivery person. Don't accept the parcels.

Original poster
MissEleaneous · 17/07/2021 11:57

@Aprilx

Good grief why are you bothering with something so remote from you. Find a hobby.
Because she's the mother of my stepson and I care about her and her wellbeing. We have a good relationship and she is vulnerable with very little support network.
OP posts:
ItPearl · 17/07/2021 11:57

This is an example of looking for something to worry about.

Unless you're actually ''Sophie''. If you were the Sophie in this scenario then the replies would be more supportive I think but the expression not my circus not my monkeys really does come to mind.

m00rfarm · 17/07/2021 11:58
  1. Most women do NOT change their name to their maiden name after divorce.
  2. It is nothing to do with you.
  3. She needs to speak to her husband
RitaFires · 17/07/2021 12:00

Sophie needs to talk to Adam about it, he may have agreed to let her use the address for parcels. There may be a good reason why she still sends post to the house, it isn't necessarily done to taunt her ex's new partner, jumping to that conclusion makes Sophie seem unreasonable.

When I lived in an apartment with an awkward set up for the post and worked long hours I used to send all my packages to my family home as there was almost always someone in the house and on the off chance they were all out there was a porch that a package could safely be left in.

FuckingFabulous · 17/07/2021 12:06

I wouldn't be getting involved at all. But if I were Sophie, I would repeatedly claim that the parcels weren't delivered here. It would only take a few times before Jade realised I wasn't her parcel bitch or playing these games

thelegohooverer · 17/07/2021 12:28

I know it takes time and life experience to understand this but no one can wind you up unless you choose to let them. You can choose to respond in other ways and it’s a seriously powerful skill to learn.

The problem isn’t the parcel, the name or anything the ex does - the problem is entirely in her interpretation of these things. Even if the ex is being malicious (which is frankly unlikely), the most powerful response would be not to notice.

If you make it difficult for people to hurt or offend you by assuming that whatever they do is not done with you at the forefront of their mind, it leads you to a more peaceful mental state.

Meet trouble with compassion and magnanimity. I know it sounds bonkers but if your purse is stolen you can make yourself ill with anger or you can decide that the thief has more need of it than you and give it willingly, albeit after the fact. Either way the purse is gone, but the second way your peace of mind isn’t gone with it.

It’s the height of foolishness to leave your mental well being in the hands of people who might intend to harm you.

Mix56 · 17/07/2021 12:29

She has a husband problem not an ex wife problem.
Has he actually told her its no bother as you are home & she is at work, & he will hand over when he next has the kids?
She should tell him (& her) clearly that any more parcels in her name will not be accepted.
Your Ex wife is either a CF, or stupid or marking territory, but friend should stand up for herself or she risks being a doormat for a very long time

Blackhawkdown2020 · 17/07/2021 12:29

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

moose62 · 17/07/2021 12:32

I can understand why you are involved like most of us would be if a friend was suffering. I would suggest that Sophie refuse to take the packages, just saying that no one of that name lives there. I think Sophie should also ask her husband to put his big boy pants on and tell his ex that it is not acceptable. If he thinks it is, then he should accept all the packages and if he is not there to do so, they get returned.

Viviennemary · 17/07/2021 12:36

It sounds complicated enough without you getting involved. They dont accept any parcels. They need to return them marked no longer at this address.

justustwoandmoo · 17/07/2021 12:40

No idea why people are jumping down your throat with this one. Mumsnet is such a strange place sometimes!! Laugh it off.

As for the situation. I'd be unhappy about this too. I think her partner really needs to have a word with his ex to stop her doing this. I wouldn't dream of getting things delivered to my ex-husband (who lives in our married home with his partner) unless it was something for our daughter. I really don't blame her for feeling uncomfortable xx

Jaxhog · 17/07/2021 12:43

She should just return to the sender.