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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my brother to stay with us?

34 replies

zeolitic · 17/07/2021 10:09

My brother is 15, my parents are going on holiday on Monday morning, in the uk but he doesn't want to go, especially as it'd be just the 3 of them as me and our other 2 siblings are adults and have moved out. He also doesn't finish school until Wednesday.

He can't stay home alone so I've offered for him to stay here as I'll be home anyway looking after DD and DS.

My DH has said he can't stay and he should be forced to go on the holiday as it's ungrateful, but I probably wouldn't want to go on holiday with just my parents at 15 either!

He's also said I shouldn't be made to look after him (he won't need looking after much) and he's a bad influence on DD (she's 3) and she's copy his behaviour as they're close (he's usually well behaved).

My DH is also ‘worried’ in case my brother has to isolate as most of his friends are due to close contacts at school, but our parents have told him he doesn't have to go to school for the last 3 days if he doesn't want to.

Aibu here?

OP posts:
spotcheck · 17/07/2021 10:12

You're being incredibly kind and thoughtful.
Your DH- not so much.

How come?

PurpleSunrise · 17/07/2021 10:17

Well what bad behaviour is DH worried about specifically?

Original poster
zeolitic · 17/07/2021 10:32

@PurpleSunrise

Well what bad behaviour is DH worried about specifically?
He's mostly well behaved but he does swear quite a bit but obviously not around DD.
OP posts:
Original poster
zeolitic · 17/07/2021 10:56

Brother and DH also get on so I'm not sure why DH doesn't want him to stay.

OP posts:
AnUnoriginalUsername · 17/07/2021 10:57

If he's a good kid then your DH is BU , they don't take much looking after at 15!

Antwerpen · 17/07/2021 11:00

Your DH sounds like hard work.
You on the other hand sound like a wonderful big sister.

PerseverancePays · 17/07/2021 11:08

Family is important, kids generally love having extra family around especially a great big noisy uncle! Maybe set some boundaries before he comes and that includes your H, whatever his misgivings are he needs to open his hands a bit more.

Mumdiva99 · 17/07/2021 11:10

Yanbu. Your husband is being difficult.

NeedNewKnees · 17/07/2021 11:12

You sound lovely, your DH rather less so.

Aprilx · 17/07/2021 11:13

Your husband is being unreasonable.

JollyAndBright · 17/07/2021 11:15

Your husband sounds like a dick.

Could you go and stay at your parents house with your brother for the week?

fanofsun · 17/07/2021 11:17

I don’t think it’s a big deal either way tbh. In some ways the holiday might do him good with his mum and dad.

billy1966 · 17/07/2021 11:26

You sound like a great sister and your husband doesn't sound very nice.

Is this in isolthat he says NO?

Be very careful of any man doing that.

Your brother needs to be told to curb his language, end of.
Be firm with the bad language in your home.

londonscalling · 17/07/2021 11:50

Is you DH sticking up for your parents by saying that they've paid for your brother's holiday so he should go? It could be that your DH is trying to teach your brother to be respectful of your parents. By you allowing you brother to stay at your house isn't teaching him anything!

Dontbeme · 17/07/2021 11:59

Your parents and brother have been shut in together for over a year of lockdowns, do they really need to now all go on holiday together? I think you seem like a very kind sister, but has your DH got form for not being kind to your family? It seems like an extreme reaction to a kid of the extended family staying for a few days, unless your brother has form for going all Tony Montana when your parents go to the seaside for a few days.

Hoppinggreen · 17/07/2021 12:04

Is his objection that you are undermining your parents?

Original poster
zeolitic · 17/07/2021 12:22

@londonscalling

Is you DH sticking up for your parents by saying that they've paid for your brother's holiday so he should go? It could be that your DH is trying to teach your brother to be respectful of your parents. By you allowing you brother to stay at your house isn't teaching him anything!
No, my brother told them he didn't want to go originally but they booked a place with 2 rooms in case he changed his mind but they asked him again recently and he still doesn't want to go and they've said that it's fine.
OP posts:
drpet49 · 17/07/2021 12:23

As long as you look after him etc. Don’t expect your husband to help if he isn’t on board with it all.

Datsandcogs · 17/07/2021 12:31

I think your offer is kind and appropriate. I’d be saddened by you DH’s response.

Blackhawkdown2020 · 17/07/2021 12:33

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/07/2021 12:36

What do your parents think?

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/07/2021 12:37

Is he worried about being usurped as king of the castle?

Dear god Hmm

Time4change2018 · 17/07/2021 12:40

Take the children to your parents and enjoy a week with brother & leave DH to his own devices

messybun101 · 17/07/2021 12:41

I think that's very kind of you op and I would do the exact same thing for my brother

At 15 he shouldn't need any taking care of really. Just food, company, a place to sleep and maybe a gentle reminder to kerb the language around the kids

Your husband is an arshole and being completely unreasonable. It is your house to make decisions in too. Let your brother stay ffs

NewlyGranny · 17/07/2021 12:48

How long is the holiday? Did you tell DB he could stay without consulting DH first?

If the answers are two weeks or less, and no, plough on.

If DPs are away for a month and you didn't check how DH felt about it before agreeing, DH has a point but could probably change his mind given a day or so to get used to the idea. Has he articulated what his objection actually is?

Will a 15yo's appetite crash the household budget? DPs should give you his keep at least, I think. Is there a proper bedroom for him to sleep in? If he's going to be on the sitting room sofa, it's more of an imposition.

I'd put him to work for a chunk of each day, too, either babysitting or gardening or cleaning or decorating. It will be good for him to see that a household needs to be run 52 weeks a year if people are in it.

I hope it works out and you all enjoy it!