To say clicking your fingers for my attention is disrespectful and rude

[RoseMartha]

My teen thinks this is an acceptable way of getting my attention. To usually ask me for something she can do for herself ie get a drink or some clothes or the remote.

I have just had serious words with her and explained consequence if it happens again.

Today was not the first time it has happened and just explaining that I find it offensive has clearly not been enough.

But would you find it rude?
Or am I being over sensitive?

I love the TGI experience a pp mentioned!

Best response I've heard to whistling was 'you whistle at taxis or dogs. So, would you like me to run over your foot or piss against your leg'.

Tapping a pound coin on a bar to get attention, when the staff are currently serving, is incredibly rude too.

DS works in a bar and won’t serve people who do this to him. He refuses to be treated like that. He is a student at a v good university doing a tough course and knows his own worth. He actually kicked a family out once for doing it.

Oooooh that would absolutely boil my blood OP! So fucking rude!!

I would be striking if I were you!

@Doesabear

Ugh, DD20 who works in a pub told me a customer did this to her the other day. They also whistled like she was a dog. Horrible behaviour.

I waitressed as a student and would get whistled at. This was in the late 90's/early 00's and it was just accepted and we were told to grin and bear it. But I was a feminist since I realised how different my brothers were treated when were were tiny, I didn't put up with it then and never have since, so told them I'm not a dog I don't respond to whistles

I completely disagree about "ignore it" - always call out shitty behaviour when you're raising a human. Who gives a crap it you "give them what they want" - they need to know "what they want" is disrespectful

@Lesartisansetlessansculottes

FrogWaa seems to have hit a nerve...

I agree.

A boy clicks his fingers it's bants

A girl does it it's rude

Hmmm

My DH clicks his fingers to direct the dog to do things and I often think that's rude!

@Waitwhat23 tapping the bar drove me mad!! Used to say to them "the more you tap, the longer you wait"
Just rude!

@hookiewookie29 another example was the time a guy walked in on his phone, tapped the Stella tap and held up three fingers and walked away. I just waited until he'd finished his call and he gave me a look of 'hello! Where's my drinks?!'

What if the tap had been off? What if I'd needed to ask him a question? Even if he'd pulled the phone away from his ear for a couple of seconds and said 'hi, can I get 3 Stella's please?', it would have been less rude.

@alloverthecarpetagain

My DH clicks his fingers to direct the dog to do things and I often think that's rude!

My dog reacted to that noise well so I used to use it too. Also works on birds btw

OP,
I don't say this easily but if she is behaving like your ex and treating you badly, perhaps she needs to be told you want her out of the house.

Let her see how brave she is then.

If she is like your ex, do you think you are doing her any favour allowing her to be abusive too?

I would tell her that the door is that way👉 and that if she doesn't change her attitude you will help her pack.

Tell her you will contact social services to help if she is under 18.

I know a lot of posters feel parents have to suck it up but I definitely don't and my children know that if they treat their parents and each other respectfully, they will be treated likewise.
Any guff will be met with kind firmness.

Our friends are very similar.
Yes we have had guff at times, but it has been met with kind firmness.

I would not put up with that from ANYONE.

That's my boundary.

You would be doing her a huge favour her to stand up to her.

billy1966 Well said. I have a friend whose DS, 17, is abusive to her and her MH is at breaking point. She's tempted to turf him out the house when he turns 18 in November and I think she would be doing the right thing. Domestic abuse isn't just between partners.

Those of us saying 'ignore' have seen that the OP has already had serious words and warned of consequences. It is not 'ignore' meaning getting away with it. One of the consequences is being ignored and demands not being met.

OP:

@MrsMackesy ty

@billy1966

I dont allow her. I am doing NVR with her. But the abuse still continues. In the last five minutes because I am refusing to shut my bedroom window that she is demanding I do, she has gone nuts and aggressive. My window is still open.

I have told her she can leave when she is 18 if that is what she wants. She thinks she will leave at 16. She also thinks she will own a house at 16 🙄
Tried explaining that one but she is having none of it she thinks she will have a house at 16 and thats that. Thinks I am talking nonsense. However, she is in for an almighty shock.

OP,
Wishing you the very best.
It can't be easy.

But protect yourself.
Much as we love our children, abusive behaviour is not acceptable.

@billy1966 Thank you
I appreciate your support

Next time she says she’s leaving at 16 to buy a house I would just say ‘that’s nice dear’.

The realities of life will become obvious to her soon enough and you can’t reason with her when she’s being deliberately obstinate.

I wouldn’t be following commands of any kind from her until she’s learned to ask politely and even then I would only do something I thought was good for her.

If my teenager clicked her fingers at me she would be left in no doubt how unacceptable this is. I maybe be a pushover most of the time but I don't tolerate rudeness.

@EnjoyingTheSilence

Very rude. Do not acknowledge when she does it

This. She'll stop if you don't respond.