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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say clicking your fingers for my attention is disrespectful and rude

94 replies

RoseMartha · 17/07/2021 09:39

My teen thinks this is an acceptable way of getting my attention. To usually ask me for something she can do for herself ie get a drink or some clothes or the remote.

I have just had serious words with her and explained consequence if it happens again.

Today was not the first time it has happened and just explaining that I find it offensive has clearly not been enough.

But would you find it rude?
Or am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:

AppleKatie · 17/07/2021 10:52

I would laugh and then completely ignore the request.

If teen persists raise your eyebrows and say ‘of course you were joking you aren’t so rude as to continue with behaviour I have clearly explained is out of order. I refuse to believe that’s who you are’ and laugh again.

OhWhyNot · 17/07/2021 10:52

Nice calling my ds a little shit

Like I said he knows ....

Sorry if that was difficult for you to understand

billy1966 · 17/07/2021 10:53

So unbelievably rude.

I would be mortified at having raised a child that would be that rude.

She needs more than words, she needs a dose of Zero tolerance......AKA doing absolutely NOTHING whatsoever for them.
At all.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 17/07/2021 10:59

@Frogwaa

calling another poster's child "little shit" is unacceptable. you should apologise.

and yes, ignoring bad behaviour is very effective at any age.
mine could click their fingers until they have worn them down to the bloody bone I'd ignore them.
if there's no reaction they will stop.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 17/07/2021 11:04

@gardeninggirl68

Customers do this a fair bit. I ignore and risk a complaint

Unfortunately our young staff do respond to it and jump to their attention very quickly. I try to have a word afterwards with the colleague but they aren't mature/confidant enough yet to risk upsetting a customer.

I had only handful doing it. They left hungry.

As pp, I am surprised someone even has to ask the question whether it's rude

ahoyshipmates · 17/07/2021 11:05

"What did your last servant die of?" is the phrase that immediately springs to mind here.

NewlyGranny · 17/07/2021 11:06

What Carboholic suggested! Necmxt time, turn off the WiFi, and I'd change the password before switching it on again.

If she grumbles - and wait till she mentions it - tell her to try clicking her fingers at the router and see if that fixes it...

Meanwhile, take a look at her phone and contract, see if that could be got cheaper if she were switched to a brick with next to no data. Short term solution, gather all the chargers that are compatible with her phone and secrete them.

She'll begin to realise her privileges and value who provides them quite quickly, I predict.

Though where has she learned this? Not from watching anyone treat you like this, I hope!

newnortherner111 · 17/07/2021 11:08

Yes I think it is rude. A simple 'hello' or 'mum' is appropriate.

Bin85 · 17/07/2021 11:10

Only if done as a joke.

WeatheringStorms22 · 17/07/2021 11:10

ignoring bad behaviour is very effective at any age. mine could click their fingers until they have worn them down to the bloody bone I'd ignore them. If there's no reaction they will stop

Ignoring bad behaviour is for toddlers having a tantrum

Simply ignoring bad behaviour in older kids or teens is silly. It needs correcting not ignoring or they'll keep doing the same - if clicking doesn't work on you, they may still try it with a friend's mum or in a restaurant etc.

If my 11 or 14 year old started clicking at people for attention I'd tell them not to be so bloody rude and to pack it in and not do that to anyone, not ignore it!

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 17/07/2021 11:12

The very fact that you have to ask if you are being over sensitive tells me that you have probably never taught your children ANY manners at all. If someone did that to me by God they would regret it. There would be swift and decisive action.

Uramaki · 17/07/2021 11:13

Absolutely rude.

FrogWaa · 17/07/2021 11:16

He knows and does it anyway. Yes, I read. Yes, that's the behavior of a shit. If your husband did it would it be so cute? Would you ignore it so he learns?

FrogWaa · 17/07/2021 11:20

Haven't you literally got another thread complaining about how difficult your teen is right now? Maybe ignoring isn't that effective actually!

Shuffleuplove · 17/07/2021 11:22

I was in TGIs with the kids one Saturday afternoon and there was an all-male party there, having a boozy time of it. The waitress was taking no messing at all and studiously ignored one daft bloke who kept clicking. In the end he got up and shouted at her “I’ve clicked my fingers and you didn’t come” and she said calmly and loudly “it’ll take more than a click of your fingers to make me come. Sit down.”
The roof nearly came off and his mates ripped the piss out of him. I LOVED that woman!

FrogWaa · 17/07/2021 11:27

Last post was to @ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

ahoyshipmates · 17/07/2021 11:32

@Shuffleuplove

Original poster

RoseMartha · 17/07/2021 11:32

Thank you all.

She hasnt done it again this morning. I do tell her she needs to do things herself.

@sar302 . Oh dear. I guess he did it in a playful tone. It made me smile though.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky
I have taught my kids manners and been a good role model.

Unfortunately I was in an abusive marriage and often told I was sensitive hence me having to ask. This particular child of mine has learnt to treat me as he did although he never clicked his fingers to get my attention.

She does have a very bad sense of entitlement and thinks I am weak and a coward for getting divorced she feels I should have put up with the abuse. She thinks she deserves to live in a detached house (we live in a flat and have never lived in a detached house), she also has told me she doesnt love me and uses me to get what she wants.
She has had some support but doesnt think she needs it and because she now refuses they say she doesnt have to go. I see the support lady abt one a fortnight.

I am not blind to her manipulation. We have rules in place. Like many teens she only thinks of herself.

But I wanted to know if I was being over sensitive as I second guess myself all the time from years of abuse.

OP posts:

AffableApple · 17/07/2021 11:42

@Magpiecomplex

Join in. Start singing the Jets and Sharks song from West Side Story. Bet she'll stop!

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 17/07/2021 11:49

How rude.

Get yourself a small bell to ring when you want her attention.

Ozanj · 17/07/2021 11:51

DN is 10 and did this to me once. I poured a pint of water over her head. Natural consequences.

OhWhyNot · 17/07/2021 12:03

FrogWaa stop calling a child a shit you don’t know or know nothing about. And you are lecturing me about my sons rudeness

I don’t have a husband I have bought up ds myself

My ds knows right from wrong he is also a silly teenager at times

Lsquiggles · 17/07/2021 12:09

Where did she learn to do that? Very rude!

bloodyhell19 · 17/07/2021 12:11

I'm afraid if my DD did this to me once, I wouldn't be explaining the consequences - I'd be giving them, in bucket loads. And having read your latest post OP, DD needs a good kick up the arse for how she speaks to you and treats you. That is horrendous behaviour.

Lesartisansetlessansculottes · 17/07/2021 13:08

FrogWaa seems to have hit a nerve...

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