To think I'm really unattractive

Original poster

Itried88 · 17/07/2021 07:36

I don't know what to think. I put natural lookin makeup on daily. I have thick healthy hair I look after. I pluck my eyebrows etc. I've lost 3 stone and now weight 10 stone. Everyone has been saying how slim i look.

I got a new phone yesterday and was really looking forward to the decent camera as it has 4 lenses. My old phone had an awful camera. Took some selfies. Was really happy. I don't add filters. Then my friend took my phone and tested the back cam. I was absolutely mortified. I just don't look nice. I look bloated. My hair looked a mess. My eyes looked too small. My smile was goofy. I had gone from nice to hideous in seconds.

I went and took a few more with the back camera myself. It confirmed I looked pale, bloated and goofy. Now I've realised I'm not the girl I thought I was. I just feel like I've been walking about looking terrible.

To make it worse I am single now and have had some interest based on my last 4 profile pictures which were obviously not anything like me. So i now know those men wouldn't find me attractive if they saw me in the street. It's that bad I feel like deleting Facebook and hiding away.

My self esteem was fine until yesterday.

Heres the rest of my post. I caught post.

OP posts:

DrSbaitso · 17/07/2021 07:38

Oh OP, come on.

DrSbaitso · 17/07/2021 07:39

Damn sorry, this didn't attach and it was supposed to.

Imcrc · 17/07/2021 07:47

OP please dont bring your self down ☹!
You wouldnt say these things you said about yourself to a friend so dont say them about yourself! And unless your a supermodel, hardly anyone looks good in the back camera! Haha
Dont let this kill your confidence! X

GoWalkabout · 17/07/2021 07:58

Start living a little. Talk yourself up not down. Bin unflattering photos and share only the ones you love. Flirt with the interest. Decide who is attractive to you (see yourself as the subject /protagonist not object /supporting actor - men do.)

Original poster

Itried88 · 17/07/2021 08:03

From what I've read the back camera is how others see you. It really has shocked me.

OP posts:

Chunkymenrock · 17/07/2021 08:06

I'm disappointed at how readily you throw in that you're slim, you've just lost weight blah blah... As if people who are not slim can't possibly be attractive? Sickening attitude and you sound really vain. 😒

youngandbroken · 17/07/2021 08:10

I think it's partly due to the fact that we rarely see our true image it's always a reflection we are seeing so the opposite way around but also largely because most people judge themselves and see their own flaws far more than they would anyone else. I don't know anyone who generally likes photos other people have taken off them and most people I know struggle to even take a decent selfie that they are happy with!

Original poster

Itried88 · 17/07/2021 08:10

I was fat so I feel better about myself. Loads of bigger people are much prettier than me.

Not vain at all. You've really misunderstood my post.

OP posts:

PandasCatsWolves · 17/07/2021 08:12

@Itried88

I was fat so I feel better about myself. Loads of bigger people are much prettier than me.

Not vain at all. You've really misunderstood my post.

That poster is nuts. Clear jealous OP. You have every right to be proud of losing 3stone!

birdling · 17/07/2021 08:14

Is the camera set to mirror image or not? We are used to only seeing ourselves in a mirror, so if we suddenly see the 'real' thing, it is a shock and we feel we look terrible.
It doesn't mean you do, it's just that it's different what you normally see.
I bet you look absolutely fine.

ItPearl · 17/07/2021 08:14

@DrSbaitso

Damn sorry, this didn't attach and it was supposed to.

Ha ha this is so true. I've learned not to believe photos.

ItPearl · 17/07/2021 08:16

@Chunkymenrock

I'm disappointed at how readily you throw in that you're slim, you've just lost weight blah blah... As if people who are not slim can't possibly be attractive? Sickening attitude and you sound really vain. 😒

Oh please. She felt good. She should feel good. Then her camera phone phone ripped the rug out from under her. No need for posters to hold her down while she's trying to get up.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 17/07/2021 08:17

@Chunkymenrock

I'm disappointed at how readily you throw in that you're slim, you've just lost weight blah blah... As if people who are not slim can't possibly be attractive? Sickening attitude and you sound really vain. 😒

While I agree with the vanity point, it's certainly not because of the mention onlf being slim Many people look better slim than overweight/obese. Myself included. It's a fact, not a "sickening attitude"🤷🏻

Ope foestly, you never believe the cam, secondly, you really need to do something about yoir self image and self esteem

Original poster

Itried88 · 17/07/2021 08:20

It's a Samsung with 4 lenses. So it can do various angles. . I'm guessing the angles were really unflattering anyway. But it just made me look out of shape. Goofy. Makeup looks one shape. My hair looks messy.

When I look in the mirror I think I look OK.

I know I sound really silly. I think it's just everyone looks so nice other pictures. I hoped I would too. I can't believe how nice selfies look compared to the back..

I am happier now I'm slim again. I certainly don't think women are unattractive unless they are slim. I just was carrying around babyweight. It's nice to go down a size. I think that's another reason I feel disappointed. I felt so much better and healthier.

OP posts:

TacoSunday · 17/07/2021 08:21

Just don’t look. I don’t. Keep that image in your head that you are attractive and act like you are. What makes you attractive is how you act. There are plenty of men who are not what we might say are classically attractive (I dunno - think Gareth Southgate or Martin Clunes). But women swoon over these men because of who they are as opposed to their looks alone.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 17/07/2021 08:21

You can’t judge yourself on attractiveness, you eye is Automatically drawn to your perceived imperfections.
I do think you have a point about not posting unrealistic selfies as profile pictures though. Why don’t you ask a friend to take a few different pictures in different lighting and choose one that actually looks like you but in a flattering way.

lazylinguist · 17/07/2021 08:21

Why would you assume multiple other good photos 'were not anything like you' and only believe the ones you don't like actually reflect how you really look? Besides, most people would probably look at the 'bad' ones and think they looked absolutely fine and not very different from the good ones!

mounikakotakonda · 17/07/2021 08:22

Don't bring your self down. See, everybody is not same in this world and it's ok. I feel that beauty stays in the heart not on the skin/look. Don't be so harsh about yourself. Take time to sit alone and question yourself that "Is this what I'm thinking that dragging me back?" Rest of the answer, you'll figure it out yourself.

Original poster

Itried88 · 17/07/2021 08:23

How do I come across vein? I only take the odd photo for my profile. I'm single so trying to find someone so I am wanting to feel good.

I'm far from vein. I pluck my own eyebrows and so my own makeup and cleansing. Never get my nails or eyelashes done. I wear a basic face of makeup. Neutral eyeshadow and ivory foundation. A tiny bit of blush on my cheeks. Takes 5 minutes. Never contoured. Never fake tanned. I do the basics.

OP posts:

SchrodingersImmigrant · 17/07/2021 08:24

You know btw that focal lenghts can change face quiet a lot apparently

Comedycook · 17/07/2021 08:24

I think I'm reasonably ok looking, scrub up well but dear god, I look horrendous in photos. I cringe whenever a camera is brought out.

thecatsabsentcojones · 17/07/2021 08:25

It’s not vain to want to look OK, ignore that comment OP.

As others have said doing a selfie almost never leads to a good pic unless you’re young, bloody brilliant at make up and know how to pose and from what angle.

What makes people attractive is not just how they look, it’s how animated they are and their expressions. Photos don’t show all of that. I bet you look a million times better when not pulling a bit awkward at the camera face and just acting naturally. If someone took a picture of you smiling and happy without you knowing that picture would be so much better.

Beauty coming from within is a massive cliche but it is true, although I totally get you want to look nice in a picture, especially if you’re on the dating scene.

Well done on the weight loss too, I’m trying on that score too!

Original poster

Itried88 · 17/07/2021 08:26

@lazylinguist

Because I've realised the front camera was making me look different but it wasn't really me because the back camera makes my eyes, hair, skin and shape all different. I look much prettier in the selfie mode.

OP posts:

Branleuse · 17/07/2021 08:28

It doesnt matter. You look like how you look and you make the best of it. You almost certainly look absolutely fine, but youre writing about your appearance as if you should be ashamed somehow?