To think I'm really unattractive

[Itried88]

I don't know what to think. I put natural lookin makeup on daily. I have thick healthy hair I look after. I pluck my eyebrows etc. I've lost 3 stone and now weight 10 stone. Everyone has been saying how slim i look.

I got a new phone yesterday and was really looking forward to the decent camera as it has 4 lenses. My old

Yes I need to have a play with the settings.

I don't want to mislead a man and he meets me and thinks goodness me she's not anywhere near as her photos show. I'd hate them to think I was ugly in real life. I think I'd rather meet someone out and about for this reason. Then you know they've seen you for the real you.

It's not that you look worse from a back facing cameras perspective you are just seeing the same image as in the mirror but flipped, it's looks 'wrong' to you as it's reversed so looks odd as you aren't used to it

It's so horrible when this happens, I think we've all been there! Anyone can take a bad photo - why do you think models get snapped by professional photographers with special lighting and, equipment and models learn how to pose? Don't forget trashy papers and magazines pay paparazzi to get unflattering shots of celebrities who are otherwise deemed beautiful?

There is more to being phyically attractive than a still shot - people's expressions, reactions and mannerisms all play a part. Don't forget that while liking how you look is nice, it's not the be all and end all. Focus on liking yourself for yourself.

I dont believe still photos at all. I look weird in still photos but I feel pretty and I look pretty in video.

• They flatten your face into 2D. This actually improves some facial structures but not others IMO. I have quite small features but broad cheekbones and in real life/videos it's somewhat balanced. On photos however somehow my face seems wider than it actually is.
• They dont take into account all the micro facial expressions that kind of "pull a face together".

Photos also dont take into account "vibe". I know that sounds bullshitty but there is something about a person's vibe that again sort of pulls them together. Think of someone with really messy hair, a kind of bohemian look. Not "carefully undone" but flat out messy. Maybe that person has charisma and just an overall feel to them that makes it work. A photo won't capture that atmosphere a person can have, and in the photo, they'll just look like a scarecrow.

Dont go in to dates worrying that you owe some strupped bear truth to randomers on youtube the first time you meet. Everybody uses a photo they like. Make zero apology for that.

Photos are bullshit.

My sister is attractive. Beautiful. All the time. Not model-contoured beautiful but pretty, lovely, beautiful skin, eyes, hair. Her personality shines through her looks too. A really good package all together.

But fuck me if she tries to take photos of herself, or knows someone is taking a quick snap/photo she somehow manages to turn, go goofy, her smile turns into a freakish grimace, or too much teeth, or frowning. She looks like she feels awkward. It screams through the image. We all laugh about her tendancy to face pull (kindly as she leads the laughing). The photos do look like her..but they just always are that nano-second least flattering snapshot of her. Do not do her justice.

Professional photographer takes a photo of her and 100% looks like she should in photos. Her smile becomes infectious and engaging, she is relaxed. Her.

If she had put one of her grim photos of herself on Tinder, would she have met her now-DH? Possibly not. She used a professional shot. (Friend took them, so more a shot taken by a professional iyswim).

Was she lying on OLD? No. It was a decent photo that reflects what she looks like. The best of her photo-wise...but not a lie.

Some people look good on camera. Most of us don't. Or have to take about 76 billion selfies to get one that looks even vaguely OK.

Do Not judge yourself on a photo! Certainly not an amateur one. Regardless of how good your phone is.
There is a reason professional photographers still exist.

I think you are liable to focus on the negative as well. One daft poster called you vain, no-one else thinks that.

It will be a combination of not being a mirror image so it just looks wrong to you, probably combined with being a poor photo.

Some of the most attractive, friendly, lively people I know look awful in photos but gorgeous in real life.

I agree with the previous poster that your energy, enthusiasm, seriousness, passion etc are the things people respond to in real life, not a two dimensional approximation of how you look.

I didn't know there was a difference between how the front and back camera makes you look.

I just took a pic with both and can't see much difference.

Anyway, op if one of the cameras lie, why do you assume it's the front one/nice pic? The bad pic could be the lie.

Great post OhWhyDidTheyDoThat!

Listen to this Op! Don't let a couple of crap camera angles batter your confidence, you'll be doing yourself a disservice.

I think the camera can lie. And some people just aren’t photogenic. I’ve seen countless examples where photos have nowhere near reflected how lovely the person has looked in real life.

www.google.com/amp/s/m.timesofindia.com/life-style/health-fitness/health-news/why-do-we-look-attractive-in-the-mirror-but-ugly-in-the-photos/amp_etphotostory/72492206.cms

Read this OP. It's not you, it's your camera!

The way that lenses process pictures is different. It's flatter and the aspect ratio is different to looking at something with 2 eyes.

Hope this helps.

Completely get what PP said about someone's vibe and agree that videos are often more realisitc than stills. Definitely think about getting some professional photos as another poster suggested!

I fear I'm one of these people! My features are quite small apart from my eyes but my small nose is NOT symmetrical. I foof up my hair, I put on my make up and put on my zsa zsa earrings and I think, ok, make way make way, or at the very least, is there room for another one at the table. But later, after a good night, i see a photo of myself and I look like a squashed potato.

Sorry but mot everyone thinks fat is pretty okay so yes losing weight may make someone feel or look better. (to the op who said it was vain)

I'm fat but steadily losing weight because my obese isn't pretty it's damaging to my health. I was 19 stone and I'm now 14 and I have the right to think I'm getting better looking the slimmer I get

@mounikakotakonda

Don't bring your self down. See, everybody is not same in this world and it's ok. I feel that beauty stays in the heart not on the skin/look. Don't be so harsh about yourself. Take time to sit alone and question yourself that "Is this what I'm thinking that dragging me back?" Rest of the answer, you'll figure it out yourself.

That's a good question. My core belief is that even if I try ten times as hard as everybody else, I can maybe, hopefully be average. I believe that other people achieve things more easily than I do. I have to consciously dialogue with those thoughts sometimes.

Not all of us are photogenic, and the selfie culture doesn't help. NEVER do I look at a person and think they are hideous! If you want a nice portrait pic, you either need to take lots of photos and play with lights, angles, settings etc, or if you can afford it,, get a professional portrait with someone who is able to capture you at your best.
I love professional portraits. They aren't cheating. All the ones I've seen of friends look just how I know them - a good photographer manages to catch personality as well as looks.

Honestly it’s probably the camera lens more than anything! The back lens on your phone is probably good for wide angle shots of groups and landscapes, not really meant for a close up type selfie. Your selfie camera has the right focal point for a selfie. I often look at a photo and think ‘oh god I look like a potato either eyes’ but sometimes I’ll think ‘ oh wow I actually look pretty there’ it’s all lighting, lens, and angle really. I’m sure that in real life you look much better than the photo made out try not to stress about it OP.

I hate when this happens.
But honestly, when you feel good, you look good, you'll give off good vibes and energy. If you're looking in the mirror and feeling good about yourself - go with that.

Photos can be a nightmare and always look funny when you're trying to take them yourself at different angles with a phone camera. I just don't do it. The difference when someone else takes a pic!
Go with feeling good and don't be putting yourself down. That just makes you feel 10 x worse! You need to give yourself some kind words and good, positive self talk x

Photos vary greatly. I can look a different person one to another. It is hard to be photogenic. Many of us just arent.

I'd question whether your self esteem was really fine until you saw these photos. People with high self esteem and self respect can look at pictures that don't show them at their best, and laugh, and say 'I look fat on these ones!', and move on.

People who have a more vulnerable level of self esteem have your response.

Why is it so important to you? Why are you believing that the bad pictures are the truth, rather than the good pictures?

These replies have really helped. Yhank you so much . My self esteem was not great below 28. My mum has always made me feel unattractive. She has no confidence with herself and dragged her daughters down with her.

Then after my son was born 3 years ago I got myself some lovely bright jumpers. Banned myself from navy. Started wearing jeggings as my mum had always said our legs wouldn't suit them. She always said I had big legs.

I lost 3 stone over the last 2.5 years. Partly diet but a huge chunk was last year when I was anemic and the mini pill caused me massive hormonal changes. I wasn't a happy person for 6 months.

The last 6 months I've felt so much better. Mentally and physically. I think I just get better angles on the front camera.

I'm going to try and move on from it now and see it as bad angles and hopefully I'm not anything like those pictures showed.

Its hard to know in todays world what is real. So many filters, cameras and stuff.

I think people look lovely in all shapes and sizes. But I didn't look good with 3 extra stone as I'm not very tall.

Do you judge others purely on what they look like? Or are you applying a much harsher set of parameters for yourself?

@Chunkymenrock

I'm disappointed at how readily you throw in that you're slim, you've just lost weight blah blah... As if people who are not slim can't possibly be attractive? Sickening attitude and you sound really vain. 😒

Oh catch yourself on, do.

But you don't think you are unattractive! You think you are slim and pretty. You've said so in your posts. You know you aren't unattractive.