If you are a home educating or SEN parent what is your job?

[Pleasegiveexamples]

Right- DC early secondary age ADHD, possibly ASD (on the waiting list for assessment) not coping with school, has meltdowns, poor mental health, other physical medical issues. Lots of appointments, meetings with school, therapy etc. He’s been out of school for 6ish weeks and it’s still not certain he will manage back at school in September. He may have a part time timetable or phasing in. HE is on the cards. He can’t be left alone at all.

I’ve been self employed for years as a cleaner and a couple of years ago started doing laundry and ironing too. I’ve also had some part time employed work dotted through out too. I’m no use to any employer as the constant calls to go to the school, medical appointments and having to deal with school refusal days makes me totally unreliable and turns me into a massive ball of anxiety about how shit I am being at work. Being self employed is great- I have all the cleaning work I could want but again- my in reliability is a problem. Some clients are great and really patient- others understandably cancel me when I’ve had to cut short or cancel my visit. I haven’t worked in the 6ish weeks since DS stopped school.

The ironing & laundry work was coming in steadily and I had regulars. Then covid hit and it all stopped. I’ve been advertising like crazy and have had flyers printed and went door to door round town putting them through letterboxes. No takers. I was hoping it would be a reliable source of income now that I’m not able to clean but I’ve had nothing. I think because more people are at home/not working due to covid they’re doing it themselves. Anyway- I’m not getting any work.

There is no childcare available for DS, I have no partner and we haven’t heard from his father in years. There are no grandparents or family to help either.

I am on universal credit. Currently there are no obligations for me to search for work but I know that will end soon. Also my mental health is in my boots due to not being able to work and earn for myself. I hate it. I feel like a completely useless waste of space. I need to work. Not just because we are absolutely skint and living off credit cards.

So I need new ideas for work. I need something I can do at home that I can stop and start if DS needs me or something happens. I had started trying to sell things from our house on eBay but a few iffy buyers and now the new payment procedures have put me off completely. I can’t afford to send things for people to claim they haven’t received them and put in refund requests. I tried for some of the transcription websites but my typing was nowhere near good enough. I can’t sew or knit. I have no crafting talents.

What do you all do for work or what do you think might work for me?

Hey
I work from home in a commercial role
It’s been tricky as had similar issues with my 13 year old

There is NO way I can home educate
I’m a lone parent

So don’t know what September will bring to be honest
But I can’t home educate that’s pretty clear to me

I wish you luck with this very stressful situation

Ironically I’ve been working harder than ever as I need work to let me WFH

Op could you leave him home over the summer
Is the issue he gets distressed when you leave him or due to meltdowns from school?

There are solutions such as medical Pru and combined school home learning
But I suppose they are easy to acess

I’m curious if the issue of him being home alone is surmountable if you can get him to a calmer place

I hope you don’t mind me asking

I meant to say Not easy to acess

Yes I think you’re right @Nettleskeins. It’s unlikely I’ll be able to work properly and HE.

I would push for a full special school move now since refusal is so bad. Then if that doesn't work consider home schooling. You can also look at private/independent schools and if you can prove they are most suitable placement have them stated on echp and fees paid

He can’t be left at all. He has self harmed in the past. he is so impulsive he would think it was fine to go off on a walk or decide to call on a friend he hasn’t bothered with in years. He’s also very naive/gullible and has been targeted for bullying by others in town who pretend to be his friends. He wants so much to have friends that he will just go along with whatever they tell him to do. I honestly dread to think what he’d manage to do to himself if left for a day alone.

In our company the most flexible jobs are project managers and the finance team

This isn't true in any of the organisations where I've worked (financial services, retail, medical or public sector). Project managers are expected to attend rigid reporting and escalation meetings, and manage team resources during core (long) work hours. Same for finance staff I deal with - admittedly I work in technology predominantly but there's no way that either function in most employers is particularly flexible in my experience! Not if you're in the op's situation.. very different if you're an existing employee who just needs a little extra flexibility. But that's not the case here.

@JeepersCreeping

In our company the most flexible jobs are project managers and the finance team

This isn't true in any of the organisations where I've worked (financial services, retail, medical or public sector). Project managers are expected to attend rigid reporting and escalation meetings, and manage team resources during core (long) work hours. Same for finance staff I deal with - admittedly I work in technology predominantly but there's no way that either function in most employers is particularly flexible in my experience! Not if you're in the op's situation.. very different if you're an existing employee who just needs a little extra flexibility. But that's not the case here.

That's why I said in 'my company'.

And I was in the ops position when I joined the company.

All our in house finance team work flexibly on a basis of as long as its done no one cares when. And so do our projects team.

Its also been the case in my last 3 companies. I suspect their function was different to your companies

Jesus, I was only trying to make a suggestion, not tell op they must work in finance or projects.

You must apply for DLA. Get some help with this so the application is spot on. On the back of that young should get increased UC. I'm in a similar position to you. Not UC though, still tax credits. If you are a carer you will get financial support while you support your child. It's a bloody full time job! I had to give up a career and know that returning is not an option for the medium term. Contact Turn2Us and The Money Advice Unit and let them advise you. Good luck and solidarity from me

Jesus, I was only trying to make a suggestion, not tell op they must work in finance or projects.

Then tell the op and the rest of us what sector you're talking about. What you've described doesn't fit any project or financial role for a new employee in any of the variety of sectors I've worked in. The only one I can think of that might be different is the third sector / charities /social enterprise etc maybe? But that'll be a byproduct of sectors and nothing to do with the typical nature of the role. I'm not trying to be pendantic but you've essentially suggested something as alien to me as a front line fire fighter working from home. I'm questioning that strange suggestion is all.

I feel your pain OP. I'm a middle manager in the civil service. Very flexible hours but I have teams that rely on me being around. My DC is ASD and will have school refusal as a regular thing in September when high school starts.
I'm close to burnout with my own health as well as all the appts, admin etc that I need to sort for DC.
I agree you should qualify for dla. We just have.
I don't know the answer but I do understand x

Thank you everyone for all the lovely posts and advice. Best case scenario he will get DLA and I will be a carer. I think I’m just panicking that he won’t. Probably just a by product of having had to fight for everything for him for so long. He was refused an ASD assessment a few years ago because he made eye contact and could communicate. He’s only on the waiting list now because he had a total breakdown in school 6 weeks ago and the school said he needs to be assessed. It was total sensory overload and he just couldn’t cope.

@JeepersCreeping

Jesus, I was only trying to make a suggestion, not tell op they must work in finance or projects.

Then tell the op and the rest of us what sector you're talking about. What you've described doesn't fit any project or financial role for a new employee in any of the variety of sectors I've worked in. The only one I can think of that might be different is the third sector / charities /social enterprise etc maybe? But that'll be a byproduct of sectors and nothing to do with the typical nature of the role. I'm not trying to be pendantic but you've essentially suggested something as alien to me as a front line fire fighter working from home. I'm questioning that strange suggestion is all.

Are you serious?

I work in the private sector for a H&S specialist.

This is why specified MY company? I was giving MY experience of being in the Ops position.

Its not your experience? Good for you. Its alien to you? I can't help with that. Previous to that I workd for one of the worlds largest international employers. And again, it was flexible.

And my son was HS and has SEN.

Is that enough detail?

Ffs

You definitely can't leave him at home alone. Tbh even non SEN 18year olds would struggle with being left alone in the day....we all need social groups in one form or other ,(doesn't have to be school, but school has its uses in that sense)
A lot of 13 year olds are naive and susceptible to peer pressure, want to impress.
But things will improve.

Another thought is to use time on UC /DLAto upskill...OU part time perhaps...if you don't have degree already there are grants, loans . etc (I think?)
I wish I had done that (but I filled my time applying for the EHCP

DS makes eye contact with adults and communicated...what rot they do talk in assessing...and had ASD refused initially for some reason...then "luckily" his traits were more marked at 8. Again it is Worse Day stuff you can highlight not best day.

That was meant to be an not a

Have a look at websites like people per hour, where you can take on small jobs like copy editing, answering emails etc

I appreciate the anyway!

It shouldn't matter if he has a diagnosis of ASD or not. Lots of other neurodivergent disorders can cause the behaviour you're describing including ADHD. My DS has been assessed for ASD three times over the years - every time they've said no he doesn't have it and I agree with them. He does have lots of sensory challenges, motor planning issues, easily overwhelmed, stims, has meltdowns. I think people forget that these can occur with other diagnoses. My son struggles more at school than any of the kids I know with autism, yet school are very dismissive of it because it's "not ASD".
Schools should focus on the individual child, not the diagnosis.

If you're still looking to do laundry and ironing work I would target where you advertise rather than do random leaflet drops. So put leaflets or a poster in companies where lots of people (I'm guessing young, single men are the most popular customers?!) who wear shirts to work!

I Home Ed dd1 who is year 8 (NI) so would be year 7 in England, and dd2 p3 (age 6). We are vegetable farmers I do all the paperwork and run our website and the Red Tractor Assurance work, and I also take on Red Tractor work for other farms in the area including audits.
Dd1 is severely dyslexic and ADD also suspected ASD.

Hi OP, just another suggestion for you - I don't think anyone has mentioned.. Have you thought of trying to find employment in your DS's actual school? Dinner lady, kitchen staff, TA, play leader, cleaner etc? Perhaps they'd appreciate having you on-site in case of meltdowns and should be more understanding as they are dealing with your DS first-hand..?

Best of luck to both of you. You're absolutely NOT a "completely useless waste of space." - you're doing hard work and you're striving to improve your and your DS situation. You deserve credit. xx

Thank you everyone.

@Loyaultemelie we are NI too and same year. Taking DS off to live on a farm would be ideal. I’d love to be able to do that for him. Very jealous!! Although I know it’s hard work too.

@PocketFluff good thinking about targeting companies. I’ve just been going to private homes and am planning to do the town car parks too.

@SwordPlay I hadn’t thought of that so thank you.

I see you have already tried this but we do the ebay selling. Great use of my PhD!!!! I think success depends on choosing the right things to sell to avoid the problematic buyers. We sell books but there are certain things I would not sell such as clothes or electronic items which seem to attract the more troublesome buyers.

I don't work. Childcare wouldn't have been suitable for her in the early days. She can cope now so theoretically I can work but it's hard as been out of job market for so long.