Is this woman rude?

[Changednamefor123]

I’ve known this school mum for nearly 3 years now. It’s just hi and bye really. I’ve tried in past to arrange meet-ups with her but she’s not interested. Our boys are best friends (primary school). It doesn’t really affect me as the kids play at school so I don’t feel they missing out by not meeting outside of school for play dates etc. Obviously would be nice to have play dates as my child constantly asking and I say I will contact mum.

Well last week she actually spoke more than one word to me and told me that she’s jealous that other mums in school have their own little group and meet up! I said to her that Ive tried so many times but she ignores my messages. She didn’t reply to that. I said okay let’s do something soon. I saw her once since that convo snd she blanked me. I didn’t think anything as she probably busy rushing home.

Today I texted her really friendly message saying let’s put a date in diary to meet up and if she wants to meet with kids or without and her reply literally was one word “kids”. Which I assume she means she rather meet with kids not just us. Is this rude? I don’t really have many close friends and covid has meant I couldn’t really do any activities to meet people. I didn’t grow up in this area I moved here.

What should I reply? I kind of feel she’s really rude. She could have been a little more friendly. I don’t know why she complains people don’t make an effort meeting her then when someone does she’s cold and rude.

Stop trying!

That might just be her way of communicating. I'd give her a chance.

She doesn't seem to be meeting you half way.

I couldn't do all of the running.

It won't change.

Honestly? I wouldn’t even bother replying. Why do you want to spend time with someone as rude and difficult as that? You’re not going to get much out of this “friendship”, it shouldn’t be this hard.

Think she was a bit put out by you saying you've tried so many times with her.

Not very diplomatic of you however well meaning.

She made a move towards being friendly and you told her off.

Not saying it's what you meant to do, just how it may have seemed to her.

She probably thinks you were rude.

I'm assuming that your child is in y2 if you've known her for 3 years. Just ask if her son wants to come round for a play date and have her drop him off. She is clearly not interested in being friends with you so just focus on your son. Based on her personality, I would keep in mind that you probably won't get a return play date for your son but it would be nice treat during the holidays.

@amission

Think she was a bit put out by you saying you've tried so many times with her.

Not very diplomatic of you however well meaning.

She made a move towards being friendly and you told her off.

Not saying it's what you meant to do, just how it may have seemed to her.

She probably thinks you were rude.

No she was complaining that she wasn't part of the 'in' group.

I don't think she wants to be friends with the OP

It's nice you have really tried but she isn't that friend you're hoping for and won't ever be. She's just not v interstate in being friends with you. So stop initiating. She knows you'd be keen to meet up - she'd do something about it if she felt the same.

Cool yourself off and try again with someone else hopefully there are some nice mums at the school

@KidneyBeans

That's not how I read it

Guess we'll have to agree to disagree

She doesn't want to be friends with you - she was complaining about other people that she does want to be friends with. I wouldn't waste any efforts on her. If you want to your son to play with hers then just have him over for a playdate over summer. It's a shame she's not friendlier to you but concern yourself over her.

Stop trying op. Don't waste anymore time on her, you've tried.
She wants to be with the 'in' group and involved in the horrendous WhatsApp groups.

There is a mum like this at my child's school
She's been off with me from the start. Although I notice she's not off with others.
But I gave up trying with her way before you!
Some people seriously are weird and aren't worth bothering with

She might just be shy/awkward till you get to know her. The “kids” reply is odd, but maybe she just answered quickly thinking you’d want to take the lead with your next reply. I’d reply something like “let’s meet at the park at 2” then if she says no don’t bother again

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

Stop trying!

totally.. she sounds horribly hard work

She was rude. Give her exactly 0% effort in the future - obviously unless the zombie apocalypse comes and then use her as a shield.

Sounds like she has a group in mind she would like to join and you're not on her radar.

Stop the running. Why would you want to get in with someone who says she's jealous and is rude to you? Screams of someone who's hard work to me.

She might just be shy and not good at making friends, which often comes across as cold and aloof!

She sounds hard work. Is it really worth the effort?

I think your response (I’ve tried so many times etc) to her lamenting not being part of the in crowd was a bit odd, bordering on rude to say to someone you barely know.

Her “kids” response was also rude. To be honest I would just forget about it, I think you have tried hard enough, she doesn’t want to be your friend, she wants to be part of the in crowd.

Me saying I’ve tried so many times was within the context of the covnversation she basically told me she’s lonely and has no friends and is jealous the other mums have a group and meet up. I don’t think what I said was odd it was the truth. The other mums probably would also speak to her if she actually said hello to them! She only says hi to me as our kids are friends but no more.

The other mums she’s referring to are lovely and I have more conversations with them than her but I’m very quiet and they’re really loud. That’s why I wanted to be friends with her as she was quieter like me. I realise that’s not a good idea now! I’m quiet and reserved but she is rude and aloof. I at least try to have chats with ppl

@Woolywolf

She might just be shy/awkward till you get to know her. The “kids” reply is odd, but maybe she just answered quickly thinking you’d want to take the lead with your next reply. I’d reply something like “let’s meet at the park at 2” then if she says no don’t bother again

This is what I thought.

* Honestly? I wouldn’t even bother replying. Why do you want to spend time with someone as rude and difficult as that? You’re not going to get much out of this “friendship”, it shouldn’t be this hard.*

^This.

Me saying I’ve tried so many times was within the context of the covnversation she basically told me she’s lonely and has no friends and is jealous the other mums have a group and meet up.

I know it was well meant but that would have pissed me off. It would have felt judgey.

Why are you bothering?

She obviously doesn't want to.

To me it seems like you were the rude one by making a point to "blame" her when you said "I've tried so many times but you ignore my messages" in response to her (essentially) confession that she's lonely. Why introduce more friction?