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Original poster

Is this woman rude?

50 replies

Changednamefor123 · 16/07/2021 17:11

I’ve known this school mum for nearly 3 years now. It’s just hi and bye really. I’ve tried in past to arrange meet-ups with her but she’s not interested. Our boys are best friends (primary school). It doesn’t really affect me as the kids play at school so I don’t feel they missing out by not meeting outside of school for play dates etc. Obviously would be nice to have play dates as my child constantly asking and I say I will contact mum.

Well last week she actually spoke more than one word to me and told me that she’s jealous that other mums in school have their own little group and meet up! I said to her that Ive tried so many times but she ignores my messages. She didn’t reply to that. I said okay let’s do something soon. I saw her once since that convo snd she blanked me. I didn’t think anything as she probably busy rushing home.

Today I texted her really friendly message saying let’s put a date in diary to meet up and if she wants to meet with kids or without and her reply literally was one word “kids”. Which I assume she means she rather meet with kids not just us. Is this rude? I don’t really have many close friends and covid has meant I couldn’t really do any activities to meet people. I didn’t grow up in this area I moved here.

What should I reply? I kind of feel she’s really rude. She could have been a little more friendly. I don’t know why she complains people don’t make an effort meeting her then when someone does she’s cold and rude.

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 16/07/2021 19:33

@suspiria777

To me it seems like you were the rude one by making a point to "blame" her when you said "I've tried so many times but you ignore my messages" in response to her (essentially) confession that she's lonely. Why introduce more friction?

Good lord 🙄

amission · 16/07/2021 19:34

Good lord 🙄

Well other people have said the same thing so not sure what the rolly eyes are for

Blueskytoday06 · 16/07/2021 19:37

Don't be desperate.

TwoLeftElbows · 16/07/2021 19:39

Awkward. I guess the question really is not whether she was rude but how do you reply to that?

Maybe something like "how about 2pm at the park this Sunday?" and leave it there. It's easy for her to say no to. If she says anything other than "yes see you there" or "can't do Sun, how about xyz?" then you can just take the hint.

CastawayQueen · 16/07/2021 19:40

@suspiria777

To me it seems like you were the rude one by making a point to "blame" her when you said "I've tried so many times but you ignore my messages" in response to her (essentially) confession that she's lonely. Why introduce more friction?
What's wrong with that? It's a fact Nice to see a poster exhibiting a semblance of a spine for a change. It's cause and effect, she pushes people away, then wonders why she's lonely. Of course I'm presuming OP said it in a somewhat diplomatic way...
Bluntness100 · 16/07/2021 19:41

God I don’t even know how to say this nicely, she wants to be mates with the other mums not you. Don’t take it personally, she’s an arsehole, but that’s what it is. Stop trying. Please.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2021 19:42

@TwoLeftElbows

Awkward. I guess the question really is not whether she was rude but how do you reply to that?

Maybe something like "how about 2pm at the park this Sunday?" and leave it there. It's easy for her to say no to. If she says anything other than "yes see you there" or "can't do Sun, how about xyz?" then you can just take the hint.

Please don’t do this, just don’t respond to her, when someone’s horrible to you don’t go begging.
MissMissTorrance · 16/07/2021 19:43

Agree with Bluntness

ISayHey · 16/07/2021 19:46

@TwoLeftElbows

Awkward. I guess the question really is not whether she was rude but how do you reply to that?

Maybe something like "how about 2pm at the park this Sunday?" and leave it there. It's easy for her to say no to. If she says anything other than "yes see you there" or "can't do Sun, how about xyz?" then you can just take the hint.

I agree with this response, and it's a good reply to send to her.

I also wondered (this might sound daft but it is a possibility) - can she read?

SparrowNest · 16/07/2021 19:49

@Bluntness100

God I don’t even know how to say this nicely, she wants to be mates with the other mums not you. Don’t take it personally, she’s an arsehole, but that’s what it is. Stop trying. Please.
Yeah, this is basically it. Her response was rude, but so was her continually ignoring your messages trying to arrange a play date! Yes you pointing that out probably felt like an attack to her, but it was a response to her continued rudeness.

It does sound like she wants to be part of the group, rather than just wanting friends full stop. I don’t know why the hell she was whining to you about it but that’s the situation.

I agree with the poster who suggested you just invite her kid over alone and give her a pickup time.

ittakes2 · 16/07/2021 19:52

You sound really nice. It sounds like maybe she wants to be friends with the other mums. Quite frankly I would meet her once with your two boys and then let her be unless she makes more of an effort. Look for someone who wants to hang out with you even if your kids are not friends.

ittakes2 · 16/07/2021 19:53

By the way I have a mum friend who gives very short answers to my very long messages - but she is really nice and friendly in person its just how she is. She is someone who will give one word answers.

greenzeppelin · 16/07/2021 19:56

She sounds awful. Why put yourself through it? Better friends can be found in other places. Ones you might actually have things in common with.

I have a child and not one school mum friend. I have one I met when DS was at nursery, another the one time I went to a baby group and bumped into a couple of times and we got chatting. That's it.

Other friends are from work over the years, one from school, from a group with a mutual interest, from volunteering at the village hall etc. People I've clicked with.

You're worth having better friends than this person OP!

tallduckandhandsome · 16/07/2021 19:58

I wouldn’t even bother replying.

Get talking to the other mums, if they’re lovely they won’t if you are quieter than them. Just make sure you take part in the conversation and try and meet up with them.

TwoLeftElbows · 16/07/2021 19:58

Maybe @Bluntness100, I find her response hard to judge. One word replies are normal among some groups like my DC, the youngsters at work, and my parents, weirdly. They're not all horrible.

Ireolu · 16/07/2021 20:07

What a bitch.... Yeah stop bothering beyond rude

Youdiditanyway · 16/07/2021 20:19

She really lacks interpersonal skills, the ‘kids’ reply is like bloody gibbon level of communication. I really wouldn’t bother.

rubbletrouble · 16/07/2021 20:23

It sounds like maybe she wants do be in one of their groups.

If she has replied, give her a last chance time and date, be straight to the point like.
"Ok, will meet with kids. 17.00 at trampoline park ?"

Please don't pin any hopes on this, it sounds like she is really quite rude, she may have a lot going on or going through some sjhit, but possibly she just isn't a nice person.

girlmom21 · 16/07/2021 20:28

If she's quite shy maybe she'd feel more comfortable being part of a group than a one-to-one meet up. Maybe that's why she's a bit wary.

Give her a chance OP. Tell her to let you know when she's free. Then the ball is in her court.

Teaandjam · 16/07/2021 20:31

Please don’t waste your time trying to be her friend. She is clearly a c*

Constellationstation · 16/07/2021 20:48

I’m going to go against the grain here and say I think you should arrange a meet up with her and try and get to know her a bit better before you make your mind up.
I know two mums who are very blunt over text but lovely and chatty now that I’m friends with them. One I’d completely made my mind up was incredibly rude. She’s one of my closest mum friends now and that couldn’t be further from the truth.

She did answer your question after all, and it seems like she wants to meet up with the kids!

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2021 20:54

She wants to be part of the group of mum friends, it’s that simple. She should not have whinged to you. It’s not about uou. She just doesn’t want to hang out the two of you. She wants to be in that group. She just lacks the intelligence to know it’s really horrible to basically point it out to you.

Please don’t ask her again op. When someone makes it clear they don’t want to be your mate, you need to hold your dignity and accept it.

childrenoftherevolution · 16/07/2021 21:06

I have been there, I feel for you. I think she does just want to be in that group, and shouldn't have whinged to you about it. I also have moved to a new area and found it hard to make mum friends. They can be so rude and dismissive. The best advice I got is, 'you deserve friends who are as nice as you are, and who actually like you.' It shouldn't be hard work. I prefer having fewer/no friends than having people around who make me feel bad.

EarringsandLipstick · 16/07/2021 21:19

@Youdiditanyway

She really lacks interpersonal skills, the ‘kids’ reply is like bloody gibbon level of communication. I really wouldn’t bother.
The 'gibbon' analogy made me laugh!
EarringsandLipstick · 16/07/2021 21:23

@Bluntness100

She wants to be part of the group of mum friends, it’s that simple. She should not have whinged to you. It’s not about uou. She just doesn’t want to hang out the two of you. She wants to be in that group. She just lacks the intelligence to know it’s really horrible to basically point it out to you.

Please don’t ask her again op. When someone makes it clear they don’t want to be your mate, you need to hold your dignity and accept it.

Very well put.

You've done nothing wrong at all OP 💐

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