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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS always seems to have a new girlfriend!

40 replies

striae · 16/07/2021 14:19

My son is 15. He brings girls here and they go to his room (he always has his door open, but I allow girls in his room) or they go outside. Whenever they're outside I see them kissing and holding hands etc. But I've seen him do this with about 3 different girls in a short space of time! I then see the first girl with him and they kiss and hug etc is I don't think they've broken up.

Would you get involved or stay out of it and hope he isn't upsetting all of the girls?

OP posts:
BashfulClam · 16/07/2021 14:32

Stay out if it. He needs to learn his lesson naturally.

seriouslystressedoutmama · 16/07/2021 14:33

I wouldn't stay out of it. It's very important early on he learns to treat women with respect and as equals. He is clearly showing no respect.

Dyrne · 16/07/2021 14:34

Presumably you’ve already had “The talk” with him about respectful relationships, safe sex etc? If so then let him crack on, if no one’s getting hurt then this age is for figuring this sort of stuff out.

wishing3 · 16/07/2021 14:35

I think I’d speak to him about it.

reannneeee · 16/07/2021 14:35

He’s 15, I wouldn’t allow a revolving door of girls! I’d put a stop to that now. He’s allowed one girlfriend, not random one nights stands.

boathemianrhapsody · 16/07/2021 14:36

I think I probably would talk to him if he’s being disrespectful to these girls. It might be innocent and maybe they’re all aware of what’s happening

Ducksurprise · 16/07/2021 14:37

My current set of teens (I have much older children who weren't like this at all) are all very touchy, they hold hands hug and kiss (but not snog) all their friends and say 'love you' like I would say bye.
I find it strange only in so far as it is different to my previous experience, so maybe it's platonic kissing?

boathemianrhapsody · 16/07/2021 14:37

But yes I agree with PP that I would stop letting girls up to his room if he’s bringing back multiple girls. I think at 15 if he’s had a long term girlfriend then letting her up to his room/sleep over is fine, but having multiple around could cause issues later on

Merryoldgoat · 16/07/2021 14:41

I would have a conversation with him about how to treat his girlfriends, consent and general ‘don’t be a cunt’ stuff.

After he doesn’t listen to you leave him to it.

But don’t lie for him, don’t cover for him and don’t make excuses for him. He has to clean his shit up himself.

DrSbaitso · 16/07/2021 14:55

I think I'd speak to him about respectful relationships in a general sense but I wouldn't get actively involved in anything specific. And I wouldn't lie for him.

Original poster
striae · 16/07/2021 15:01

Yes, I have spoken to him about safe sex etc. He has been with the first girl for a few months and has introduced her as his girlfriend.

OP posts:
Carrotinsaladiswrong · 16/07/2021 15:03

you didn’t question where girlfriend was when he brought the second girl home….?

Unsoliciteddeckpic · 16/07/2021 15:05

Well unless he is telling them all they reasonably the only one he is dating, then he isn't doing anything wrong

But you seem convinced he is.

3scape · 16/07/2021 15:07

Don't get involved in his dates at 15. Why would you want them to be serious? He's probably just dating which is fairly usual until you meet someone special. As long as he's had the talk on consent and safe sex he will let you know when its something serious!

1forAll74 · 16/07/2021 15:25

I would say ,that it's not a problem to have a few girlfriends at a time, they are not going to be serious relationships at that age. If any one of the girls knows about this, hopefully they will move on.. It would be quite silly,if a young person were to get very entwined with just one person at this age,they need to know much more about relationships first.

Original poster
striae · 16/07/2021 15:25

I assumed that he'd broken up with his girlfriend when I saw the 2nd girl.

I'm not sure if his girlfriend knows he's kissing other girls, as they have been together for a few months and she has been here for tea a lot.

OP posts:
dancemom · 16/07/2021 15:28

I wouldn't allow that at all.

Tal45 · 16/07/2021 15:29

I would just ask why you've seen him kissing other girls if he's with GF1 still.

MackenCheese · 16/07/2021 15:30

Oh, and remind him there's a pandemic on......

AryaStarkWolf · 16/07/2021 15:32

I'd ask him about it, would hate for my son (or daughter) to think I'm OK and accommodating to him cheating, he's only 15 so it's not THAT serious yet but I'd still tell him what I thought about it

CrouchEndTiger12 · 16/07/2021 15:32

@BashfulClam

Stay out if it. He needs to learn his lesson naturally.
I absolutely disagree.

Parents are supposed to instill values. I'd be talking to him about it and read him the riot act about cheating and how nasty it is.

Original poster
striae · 16/07/2021 16:20

His girlfriend is over now! I will speak to him later though as it seems unfair on her especially if she doesn't know.

OP posts:
Theonlyones · 16/07/2021 16:43

It's really hard to you, really only you would know best.

My younger DSis was (and still is!) very very pretty and a naturally friendly personality. She always had boys stopping by, asking here out, listening to music, etc. We were not allowed to be in bedrooms with anyone likely to be a BF.

However, she was always clear she was not dating any of them (even though she did tell me she''d kissed with XYZ, and more!)

reannneeee · 16/07/2021 16:44

OP tell him his behaviour is unacceptable. ‘Too young for it to be considered cheating’ my arse, this will set a precedent for his future relationships. Tell him if he doesn’t like the girlfriend all that much, he should do her a favour and dump her.

Also make it clear you will only allow the girlfriend in your house. He’s blatantly disrespecting you.

He sounds a right charmer Hmm

OffMyCloud · 16/07/2021 16:48

It's probably a good idea to be careful. I'd had boys around at that age 15/16 that were not boyfriends, but we'd hang out, play music and so on. If DP were not around I was curious at that age and if I really like the boy would be open for kissing, touching, fingering but not more. I knew I was experimenting and was sensible, but many are not at that age.

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