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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to stick my fork into DH

55 replies

MagnificentBottom · 15/07/2021 19:55

We’re having dinner, I keep turning the TV up as all I can hear is the noise he’s making from eating. Opening the mouth - a noise, chewing food, awful sound of food swishing around the mouth, swallowing omg can that be more noisy? Why can’t some people eat quietly? When I tell him to eat quieter he has the audacity to tell me to go to the doctor as there’s clearly an issue with me! I really want to prod him with my fork, it’s making me enraged. Should I prod him?

OP posts:
TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 15/07/2021 21:15

I do hope you mean a Pitch Fork.

Original poster
MagnificentBottom · 15/07/2021 21:20

@Ponoka7

I'd met a lovely man who would give me the earth, but he attacked and somehow ingested his food by luck, rather than ate it. I couldn't contemplate having anything physical with him, after witnessing it.
Lol 😂
OP posts:
Original poster
MagnificentBottom · 15/07/2021 21:23

@YawningAngel

I have misophonia, and eating sounds in particular send me into a rage. My DP and both his DC have some weird collagen deficiency. This means that on top of them all attacking meals like hyenas falling on a carcass, anytime they open their mouths wide their jaw makes a popping noise that makes me feel angry and sick.

However...eating is a normal activity. I can't expect them not to do it.

What I have done is ban roast pork, as crackling is the absolute worst and will bring me to tears of rage. I also grew my hair long, so I can enjoy a family dinner and appear normal, by wearing earplugs until all the chewing is over with.

If anyone opens a big bag of crisps, I just go for a walk or go do some gardening.

YANBU for wanting to stab him with a fork. You would be unreasonable if you actually did it tho.

Good god, how on earth do you cope?! Great idea to grow hair and wear ear plugs 🤣
OP posts:
Classicbrunette · 15/07/2021 21:34

They can’t help it as they have hollow heads 😂 just go out of the room or serve his in a separate room. My kids would eat theirs really fast and go back upstairs so they didn’t have to endure the noise from my ex.

YawningAngel · 15/07/2021 21:55

I've had to explain to DP what misophonia is, and get him to Google it so that he knows I'm not just being a dick and it's a legit thing. He has been understanding, and gets why I like to have background noise from tv/radio while eating. He also only eats crunchy things when I'm having them too.

His children both eat like a pair of goddam savages. Since he was a lone parent that gives me some rage, because he was the only person in a position to do anything about it, but since they're both 20+ now I don't have to deal with it too much. The hair/earplugs strategy works well for the small number of annual occasions when we all share a dinner table.

DPs son bought him a massive jar of pork scratchings for his last birthday. When he unwrapped it, I just gave him a look. I never saw them again until the empty jar got recycled Grin

aGoodHuman · 15/07/2021 22:00

To be honest, it just gets worse from here on in. As my oestrogen levels diminish, I find practically everything my DH does irritating. It's really quite alarming. Funny you mention forks because how he holds his fork has really started to bug the hell out of me recently. How did I never notice it before? He kind of holds it like I imagine a chimp would? Sad thing is he is a really lovely guy. Think I need to mainline HRT or something......

monotonousmum · 15/07/2021 22:19

Earplugs are an amazing idea!
I sometimes wonder how I married my husband, he's so bloody loud. I think he's got louder, as if we're eating with guests he's not that bad..
I rest my head on my shoulder to block one ear if he's eating sweets while we're on the sofa. He eats in bed too and I can't hide the anger when he wakes me up with the chewing.Angry

Fallsballs · 15/07/2021 22:22

Go into a different room ?
And LTB

BeatieBourke · 15/07/2021 22:23

"He attacked and somehow ingested his food by luck, rather than eating it." HAAAhahahaha! Genius.

YawningAngel · 15/07/2021 22:24

I used to just stick my finger in my ear on the DP side in the event that crisps/nuts broke out.

A family dinner is a 360 degree assault. Earplugs are the only option. Otherwise I would have to go on holiday every time his kids come to visit him, and that would just make me look like a total prick.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 15/07/2021 22:33

YABU for wanting to prod him with a fork, or indeed any other implement.

The only appropriate punishment for noisy eaters is flogging, hanging, drawing, quartering then more flogging, just to make sure they've learned their lesson properly.

Sunlightonthewater · 15/07/2021 22:35

Thank you for this brilliant thread, I am crying with laughter. So sorry you are suffering though OP! My 9yo twins have misophonia and my DH is a real gobbler/shoveller to the point that I can hardly stand it. He also never breathes through his nose as he moves seamlessly from a winter cold (6 months of year) to “summer” hayfever (6 months of year) so there is a weird open-mouth breathing thing going on as well, aaargh. It makes family mealtimes a nightmare - there is always someone sitting refusing to eat or taking their plate out into the garden 🙄. Which then makes DH all huffy. The DCs are also obsessed with table manners at school and will simply not eat lunch if anyone is being “disgusting”. Which is basically everyone in their year, except for 5 people apparently 😫. I have really enjoyed hearing everyone’s stories on this thread - it is great to see the funny side for once!!!

Macncheeseballs · 15/07/2021 22:36

Have dinner without tv

Toddlerteaplease · 15/07/2021 22:39

My dad is like this abd gets food round his mouth. I can't believe my mum hasn't put him under the patio.

FortunesFave · 15/07/2021 22:42

Honestly I feel for your DH. My DH has misophonia and it's bloody annoying. I can't just eat a bag of crisps in the sitting room but need to go and hide somewhere. DD1 has it too. I'm like a fucking pariah. But the funny thing is, both of them smash a sandwich like a beast...they can't hear their OWN noises though...oh no!

BrownEyedGirl80 · 15/07/2021 22:44

Slit his throat with the fork.
I may or maybe not joking.

DroopyClematis · 15/07/2021 22:55

Do you make an annoying noise whilst eating?
Do you find everyone annoying whilst eating?

DoorMatCat · 15/07/2021 22:57

I don't know how my OH does it, but he can noisily crunch the softest of foods - ice cream, marshmallows, sausages. A little exaggeration but you get the idea.

We specifically turn off any tv/radio/other extraneous noise source when eating. Now with the kids gone, it's me, him and silence punctuated by crunching.

Stabby is right! (I dare say I'm no better but I'm very tolerant of my foibles!)

BlackeyedSusan · 15/07/2021 22:58

@FortunesFave it's even more annoying and downright painful for the sufferer. Do you like causng your dh and child pain and distress? (and yes I know it is annoying for you too but looking at it like that may help)

ds has his tea upstairs in bed. (soio he can have ceramic dish and metal cutlery) God kNows what his manners are like though because I can not be near him when he eats. Thankfully another family member is capable of eating in the same room as him without a semsory meltdown.
dd eats while I have the radio on.
I eat when everyone else is out of the room.
we use plastic cutlery or plastic dish/plate etc.
we all have sensory disabilities so it reduces the murder rate...

Allusernamesalreadyused · 15/07/2021 23:01

STB

Itsnotmyjob · 15/07/2021 23:05

Just you wait til he gets dentures and you get the moist clicking as well as the slurp.

FortunesFave · 15/07/2021 23:07

[quote BlackeyedSusan]@FortunesFave it's even more annoying and downright painful for the sufferer. Do you like causng your dh and child pain and distress? (and yes I know it is annoying for you too but looking at it like that may help)

ds has his tea upstairs in bed. (soio he can have ceramic dish and metal cutlery) God kNows what his manners are like though because I can not be near him when he eats. Thankfully another family member is capable of eating in the same room as him without a semsory meltdown.
dd eats while I have the radio on.
I eat when everyone else is out of the room.
we use plastic cutlery or plastic dish/plate etc.
we all have sensory disabilities so it reduces the murder rate...[/quote]
Oh push off. I never said I LIKED causing them distress! Why would I be hiding with my bloody crisps if I did!? It's something that affects loved-ones too...it's not all about the sufferers. The knowledge that every time you chew, someone wants to knock you out is not a comfortable thing you know!

MrMucker · 15/07/2021 23:07

Fill a tin can with gravel and when he starts eating, shake it gently right next to his ear with every chomp.
If you don't happen to have a tin can, simply tip an entire packet of popping candy into your mouth, go sit next to him, and stick your tongue into his ear until he's finished.

FortunesFave · 15/07/2021 23:08

And what's more, I feel sad that we can't all eat together around a table. It's miserable really. Everyone chowing down on their own.

Terhou · 15/07/2021 23:12

Does he eat with his mouth open? If so, closing it would make quite a big difference.