To not to want to be a bridesmaid

[KombuchaKrisis]

My bear friend is getting married and I know she's going to likely ask me to be the maid of honour. Before she was engaged I always said I don't want to be a part of it, I don't enjoy the pressure, don't find it fun etc. Would rather enjoy as a guest. At the time she said don't worry you can choose the dresses and everyone can just wear why you're happy with. The dress is not really an issue so that kind of annoyed me that she thought that way anyway.

Would I be unreasonable to just say no when she asks? Or should I really just do it for her?

I once turned down the chance to be a bridesmaid. My auntie is still speaking to me. Just bear-ly.

Just get in there first before she asks, easy!

This has happened to me OP and I was much younger than I am now and didn't feel I could say no. But more recently I did say no to being a BM and it felt great! Now need to get out of a few god mothering asks. Just say no!

I've turned down being a bridesmaid. Frankly I'd rather have chewed my own eyeballs than had to wear a big frock and be on Bridesmaid Duty. The bride was fine with it - OP, surely your friend would rather have someone who'd actually enjoy it rather than someone who is only doing it out of duty?

I’m loving the bear puns too.

I was asked to be a bridesmaid once. I turned down the request - but it caused a right hulla-Baloo.

@KombuchaKrisis

I'll give her some marmalade when I break the news.

Honey would be preferable, and porridge.

You could go bare maybe?

FWIW, I wouldn’t personally have been upset if one of my closest friends had told me she didn’t want to be my BM. It wasn’t a big deal as far as I am concerned. The main thing was to have them there!

I don't blame you OP.

In my thirties and so over all the expensive hens, weddings, bridal showers....best friend or not.

Since 2018 I have a blanket no to hens, being bridesmaid and no overseas weddings now. I don't give a fig who it upsets 🤷🏼‍♀️

She's bearly asked you 🧸

Jokes aside. Just be firm and say you can't commit to it. You want the best for her but bridesmaid isn't your thing. Be really nice about it.

I’m in total agreement.
I really dislike adult bridesmaids and have no intention of letting someone else choose my outfit and order me around for the day.
Plus the financial pressure of the hen party/ies etc.
If you’ve been clear about this then she’ll probably not ask you. In the event that she does, just say “I love you but I really don’t think I’m a good fit for that role. I don’t think I’ll be able to live up to it and I’m worried it will compromise our relationship”

If she asks (and she might not, because she might know you quite well), then have an honest conversation with her.

Along the lines of - I love you, I will do my best to support you, but this is really not my cup of tea, and I think you might enjoy the whole thing more if you have someone who 'gets' it, and enjoys it, and is going to make it fun and important'.

There is not a chance in hell I'm ever giving up my spare time, even for those I love the most, to talk about wedding favours, bridesmaid's shoes, and all that gubbins. But I think (and hope) that they know my time is theirs, without question, if they are in need.

We're all different - and she's your friend for a reason, so hopefully you'll get away with giving this a hard pass, and she'll be fine about it.

Just don’t ‘cave’ in, even if she’s furryous!

I asked one of my best friends to be my bridesmaid and when her face fell I felt awful.

I realised it just wasn't her thing at all and regretted putting her in that position. I had just wanted her to be a part of it all but hadn't thought it through

I told her it was ok if she didn't want to do it but she obviously felt obliged and insisted it was fine.

I really wish she'd just been honest and said it wasn't her cup of tea.

As it was I kept her role fairly low key and she chose her own dress etc.

She did make a terrific speech though so it was ok in the end a d I have some beautiful photos with her and my other bridesmaid (who was much more into it!!)

Just say no.

Sounds like you are polar opposites - it would be a nightmare. Just say no.

Would you be willing to suggest being "best woman" instead? I did this for my best friend from school. It was her who didn't want bridesmaids but she panicked nearer the time and realised she did want an attendant. Part of it was that her dad was estranged and her mum very shy so she wanted someone by her side.

I drove her to church, walked up the aisle with her, held her bouquet, signed the register, doled out confetti, helped the photographer organise groups for photos and later made a speech and helped with some of the practical stuff.

I did wear a dress (with a corsage not a bouquet) but I told her I'd be happy to wear a suit instead.

@Darkstar4855

Normally I’d agree with you but if she’s your best friend then I feel like you should be there for her.

Disagree - nobody needs a bridesmaid, they're only there to look pretty in the photos. If the OP wants to do it she can, if she doesn't want to, she shouldn't feel obliged. I dare say the bride has other friends or relatives she can ask.

Thanks all. She does have other friends and family memebers so she's well supported. I'll be honest and thinking about it I'm sure she'll completely understand.

To the post who said my friends are odd the last one we celebrated just before Covid was a weekend hen abroad. A country wedding consisting of 2 nights staying over. Then 5 days in the south of France for more of a friend wedding. It's fun to attend but the MOH and so on have their work cut out!

Brides do seem to demand expect the MOH to care about the wedding as much as they do.

I'd politely decline.