Was I unreasonable to not offer to water plants?

[Adrenalina]

Background: Me and NDN have both been on a bit of a gardening vibe this year. We've been to the garden centre together and regularly chat plants. We have a running joke about us desperately trying to keep our plants alive because we're both novices.

Extra background (related): Her husband is a bit of a dick. He's not violent or abusive but selfish, lazy and a sulky man-child. I can give a list of examples if needed but won't clog the OP

Here's the situation: She's going away for a couple of weeks soon when it's meant to be very hot and sunny. She said she's concerned about her plants dying because she doesn't know whether her husband will bother to water them.

So was I BU: I didn't offer to water them because it's not like the plants are home alone. I figured it's her husband's house/garden/plants so his responsibility. Even if he has no interest in the plants, he should at least take 10 minutes to water them for his wife, right?

But now I feel bad because I think she genuinely is worried about all her gardening efforts going to waste. It'd only be a case of me flopping the hosepipe over the wall and dousing them so no real hassle for me.

But then I flip back to thinking why the fuck should I, her lazy man-child of a husband should do it.

I’d water the plants. You know she loves them and you know her DH will most like just let them die.

I’d be calling over the fence. “Colin, make sure you water Maureen’s pots!”

It’s not about the plants
I mean it is about the plants.
But until she loses something she really loves because her DH is a total cunt then she’s going to pretend it’s all ok

If you water the plants HE WINS

Is he spiteful as well as lazy? Would he enjoy watching her beloved plants die, knowing it’ll upset her when she gets home?

If so, even though it’ll mask his vileness, I’d water them for her over the fence. I hate the idea of helping out her prick of a husband, but imagining her sadness if they all died is worse

Yes but if they don’t die. She lives in denial.
If they do die it might be a wake up call,

I think you should switch the hosepipe on and water the husband

I think I would prioritise my friendship and shared interest and offer. She would know then they were being cared for properly. It then gives her (notsoD)H time to hoover and clean!!

She needs to sort out her lazy ass sick husband. I wouldn’t get involved

Sick = dick

I totally understand your point but I would do it so I could ask her to water mine if ever I was away. My NDN do this for each other.

Ultimately up to you but she sounds like a good friend and neighbour so personally I’d spend 5 minutes 2-3 times a week or whatever watering her beloved plants. She’ll be gutted if they die, her husband sounds like a prick.

I’d do it because I’d be sad to see lovely plants dying when I had the opportunity to water them. I wouldn’t say anything to him but keep an eye out of you can easily and if he doesn’t water them, then give them a quick water but I’d let her know that’s what you’ve done so that she doesn’t think her useless husband has stepped up.

@Myneighboursnorlax

You could say something like “I know you’re worried about your DH forgetting to water your plants, so I’ll keep an eye out and if it looks like he’s not been doing them then I’ll stick the hose over the wall, so you don’t need to worry”

That way you aren’t taking full responsibility, and her husband is still expected to step up, but might reassure her that she won’t come home to a garden of dead plants.

This is a good idea. I wouldn’t be able to let the poor plants die.

Flop your hose over the garden fence... when lazy H is in the garden. Oops!

@RunningFromInsanity

Water the plants. She obviously got a dick husband to deal with, why wouldn’t you make her life a bit nicer when you’ve said yourself it’s not really a lot of effort on your part.

This. As if living with a dickhead isn’t enough without losing all her cherished plants.

YANBU. I thought it was going to be a scenario whereyou just said no due to time... sometimes it can take me 30+ mins to water all areas at our house and that can really eat into an evening.

If her DH is there he should definitely step up.

I would do it for her. Whether her feckless husband steps up or not, it would be incredibly mean-spirited to watch her hard work go to waste.
As you've already said, it's no effort to you

@Drivingmeupthewall

Is he spiteful as well as lazy? Would he enjoy watching her beloved plants die, knowing it’ll upset her when she gets home?

If so, even though it’ll mask his vileness, I’d water them for her over the fence. I hate the idea of helping out her prick of a husband, but imagining her sadness if they all died is worse

I'm not sure. I think he could potentially be quite spiteful, yes. I don't think he'd enjoy watching her beloved plants die so much as just not give a shit.

Thanks for everyone's comments. I've decided that I'll keep an eye on the plants and water them if they start to look a bit sad/parched. If I do this, I'll make absolutely sure she knows I did it.

I'll also keep an eye/ear our for how ofter he waters the plants and subtly report back to her if I don't think it's often enough

Same as others, I would find it hard to stand by and watch a plant die 🪴

I think it's easier yo watch few plants die than watch a friend being held in denial about how little her spouse really care tbh.

Water the plants. She’s your friend.