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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Two parties in one day - AIBU?

56 replies

Trudij123 · 15/07/2021 14:49

Hi - quick question. My DD has been invited to two parties on the same day - she’s friends with both girls, one party is 12-3 the other is half an hour away and 2.00-3.45. It’s for 6 year olds if that helps - the longer one is a nature party at their home, the shorter one a pony party at a local riding school ( max of 12 people, only 10 been invited)

She really can’t decide which one she’d rather go to - would it be U to try and go to both? It sort of feels quite rude to go to one for an hour and a half only - but I know others have said that’s what they are doing, so now I’m not so sure if it is?

We had this two years ago as well, I bottled it and took DD to the zoo instead.

I’m hopeless at party etiquette - what do I do?!

OP posts:

MoiraNotRuby · 15/07/2021 14:52

I would message both saying thank you for the invitation, dd has been invited to two parties on the same day and you are just trying to work out transport and will rsvp as soon as you can. Gives them the chance to think about shifting their times which would be the best idea if possible (but entirely down to the hosts).

reannneeee · 15/07/2021 14:53

I’d probably make her decide. Party 1 child may end up having to watch everybody leave early to get to Party 2. If Party 1 is a pony party then people leaving early is really going to bugger things up, especially if there’s plans for them to ride etc.

I’d encourage Party 1 but would also hint that you could sack both of them off and do something of DD’s choice instead.

thunderandsunshine01 · 15/07/2021 14:53

Hard as this is I think she needs to pick one and let the host know, so they might have a chance to replace her spot with somebody else. This happened to my DD a couple of years ago, I forked out a fair bit of money on a venue, entertainment and food etc but about 7 girls left half way through, and I won’t lie it felt really rude and I was miffed. Also used to happen to me as a child as me and a friend had birthdays days apart, so they often fell on the same weekend

Katerurn · 15/07/2021 14:56

If my kids had a party and people were leaving early to attend another one they would feel really hurt. I think I'd also feel a bit peeved, especially if it was a number of children. When a child has a party it's their big day, would be a crying shame if there was hardly anyone at the end because people had left to go to another

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 15/07/2021 14:57

It sort of feels quite rude to go to one for an hour and a half only - but I know others have said that’s what they are doing, so now I’m not so sure if it is?

More than one child will be leaving before the end of the first party? That's just cruel, and I'd be pretty pissed off if I was a parent of child #1 watching a few girls going off to another party together half way through my 6 year olds party

purplewolfie · 15/07/2021 14:58

I'd probably get her to attend the one who asked first.

reannneeee · 15/07/2021 14:59

Yeah, Party 1 child is going to get an awful deal.

I’d explain this to DD. Lots of people are going to be leaving Party 1 early, wouldn’t you be upset if it was your party? Encourage her to stay for the entirety of Party 1. I’d take away the option of Party 2 tbh.

Uramaki · 15/07/2021 14:59

She can't leave one early to go to the other one so she will have to pick one.

Who invited her first.

sunshineandshowers40 · 15/07/2021 15:00

Do both the party girls know each other? Do the parents know there is an overlap?

U cannot leave the first party early.

MoiraNotRuby · 15/07/2021 15:00

@sparepantsandtoothbrush

It sort of feels quite rude to go to one for an hour and a half only - but I know others have said that’s what they are doing, so now I’m not so sure if it is?

I agree, I would feel the same.

toastantea · 15/07/2021 15:02

Ask her which one she wants to go to. It's not about party etiquette, it's about choice. Pick one.

AlexaIWillNeverSayDucking · 15/07/2021 15:02

It sort of feels quite rude to go to one for an hour and a half only - but I know others have said that’s what they are doing, so now I’m not so sure if it is?

It is rude, very rude and the party girl and family would be hurt by it - just because others are doing it, doesn't make it less so. In fact, the more people that do it, the worse as it implies the party 1 girl knows party 2 girl and isn't invited.

If there is a huge overlap in guests, I'd discretely ask the nature party mum if the time could be shifted to 10-1, and explain the problem.

Jumpingintosummer · 15/07/2021 15:02

You would be very rude to leave a party early to attend another. Choose one, assuming you haven’t already rsvp’d.

warmfluffytowels · 15/07/2021 15:03

Have you responded to either invite yet?

I think your DD needs to pick one party and stick with it. Leaving halfway through a party to attend another is bloody rude, imo.

I feel really sorry for the first girl if everyone is going to leave her party halfway through - how awful

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/07/2021 15:04

I think that previous posters are right, and Party Child 1 is going to be really upset when a chunk of her party bails out early to go to the other party. As @sparepantsandtoothbrush and @MoiraNotRuby have said, the parents will be cross too - but it is the child’s feelings that would swing it for me.

I’m afraid your dd needs to pick one or the other, ASAP, @Trudij123, so you can let the hosts know.

Stonerosie67 · 15/07/2021 15:04

I think its terribly rude, not to say very distressing for the party 1 child, to leave her party halfway through, that's just cruel. I think I'd maybe be having a word with the parents of both children to see if either could change their times/days, just to give them the heads up.

If this isn't possible, then your dd has to pick one and stick with it. But no way must you leave a child's party halfway through, that's just incredibly cruel.

Andylion · 15/07/2021 15:05

It's not about party etiquette, it's about choice.

I think she should go to whoever sent the invitation first.

3scape · 15/07/2021 15:08

Toss a coin? Definitely not both.

MrsFin · 15/07/2021 15:08

She can't be the only child that's been invited to both.
Can you get the parents to talk to each other to figure something out? ie the parents of the party girls, not the invitees.

cadburyegg · 15/07/2021 15:10

We’ve just had this. We rsvp’d no to the second invite, mainly because we’d already committed to the first but also I knew DS was friendlier with the first child. I thought it would be cutting it too fine.

Don’t leave early. Parties are set times for a reason.

If you haven’t RSVP’d yet, your DD needs to decide which one she’d prefer. Who is her closer friend out of the two.

GreenWillow · 15/07/2021 15:10

No, you really can’t attempt both without being really rude.

If you could left party 1 at the finishing time, then have arrived, say 30 mins late for party 2, that might have been ok (I’ve done that before, but then again, party mum 2 was a close friend, so not awkward)

The timings of these 2 just don’t work, she’ll have to choose.

Notaroadrunner · 15/07/2021 15:13

Do not attend both. It would be very rude to leave the first one early just to get to the second one. Give your dd an hour to decide now and then text back the relevant reply to each parent. If the party girls are in the same friend group then maybe the parents will cop the overlap and one may change time.

Original poster

Trudij123 · 15/07/2021 15:16

We got both invites on the same day or it would be easy 🤦‍♀️

DD can’t decide because she likes both girls, I’m more of the opinion that we go to nature party precisely because I feel awful for the parents and that child. I’m 99% sure if I really pushed her to choose she’d go to that one instead, I just thought I’d ask you all because I could get a more balanced opinion!! I’m glad I’m not the only person who thinks doing both is quite rude -( I’ll forever wonder why the mums don’t get together and make sure they don’t clash bearing in mind it’s happened before !)

Thankyou

OP posts:

Original poster

Trudij123 · 15/07/2021 15:17

@MrsFin

She can't be the only child that's been invited to both. Can you get the parents to talk to each other to figure something out? ie the parents of the party girls, not the invitees.

I’ve spoken to a couple and they are either doing the second one or both. Which is where I tot the idea of both from - it wouldn’t have occurred to me before I got told some we’re doing that!!

OP posts:

lanthanum · 15/07/2021 15:18

If there's quite an overlap in the invitees, then it would obviously be best for everyone if one can change times - most people would rather do that than have their child realising that some friends have chosen Mary's party over theirs. So I think I'd definitely find a way of making sure the parents realise about the clash.

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