Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two parties in one day - AIBU?

56 replies

Trudij123 · 15/07/2021 14:49

Hi - quick question. My DD has been invited to two parties on the same day - she’s friends with both girls, one party is 12-3 the other is half an hour away and 2.00-3.45. It’s for 6 year olds if that helps - the longer one is a nature party at their home, the shorter one a pony party at a local riding school ( max of 12 people, only 10 been invited)

She really can’t decide which one she’d rather go to - would it be U to try and go to both? It sort of feels quite rude to go to one for an hour and a half only - but I know others have said that’s what they are doing, so now I’m not so sure if it is?

We had this two years ago as well, I bottled it and took DD to the zoo instead.

I’m hopeless at party etiquette - what do I do?!

OP posts:
Uramaki · 15/07/2021 15:20

If party 1 asked first go to that one and tell party 2's parent she'd love to come but already accepted invitation to party 1. If I were party 2's parent I'd be horrified at the people leaving 1 early to go to 2.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 15/07/2021 15:21

If there is a huge overlap in guests, I'd discretely ask the nature party mum if the time could be shifted to 10-1, and explain the problem.

I think this is a good idea, especially as you know some people intend to leave.

Imagine a number of guests leaving before the end of the party - that would be so hurtful to party 1 girl.

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/07/2021 15:25

I’ve spoken to a couple and they are either doing the second one or both. Which is where I tot the idea of both from - it wouldn’t have occurred to me before I got told some we’re doing that!!
Staggeringly rude thing to do without making sure the host knew you were leaving early and was still ok with you coming.
I'd tell you not to bother, personally.

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 15/07/2021 15:25

leaving early would be rude, and awful if several people did it. I would RSVP yes to party one, but also discuss the issue with the host, as the first party host might be able to adjust their timings given that the party is at home. If I were party parent one I would absolutely shift timings to 10-1 if at all possible to avoid no-shows or early departures.

Oblomov21 · 15/07/2021 15:35

I did this once. Only once. A few people I've spoken to have done it too. When you think about it, it's totally fine.

I took Ds2 to the first party but left early. And then took him to the 2nd party late.

But I'd already messaged both mums, to say why he'd be late, or need to leave early and they were totally fine about it. As was everyone. Including all the boys, who were just grateful that they got a present, and that ds2 was there. They didn't seem to care that he wasn't there for the whole thing, just that he was there.

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/07/2021 15:38

When you think about it, it's totally fine.
You don't get to say it's fine, though. If the entire guest list departed en masse before the party ended there could be a very upset birthday child left behind.
Just because some people want two bites at the cherry.

Uramaki · 15/07/2021 15:51

Oblomov21 it would be ok if you explained in advance and it was just one child. But can you imagine being child number one being told 4-5 people were all leaving as had a better offer?!

AnotherDayAnotherCake · 15/07/2021 15:52

Get her to chose one, she won’t enjoy either trying to squeeze them both in and imagine if the traffic is bad? Over an hour in the car sweating about missing the second? No thanks.

onlyhereforthecake · 15/07/2021 15:55

You cannot reasonably go to half a kids party because you are invited to a better one. You really need a very good reason, otherwise it's just plain rude.

You need to pick one!

KeyWorker · 15/07/2021 15:57

Unless both invitations are handed over at the same time then She should probably go to the one who invited first. I think it’s a bit much for a 6 year old to decide by herself, I don’t think I’d put my daughter in that position. Don’t leave the first party early, how disappointed would your DD be if everyone left her party after an hour?

onlyhereforthecake · 15/07/2021 15:58

When you think about it, it's totally fine.

when you think about it, it's not.

Turning up late to an all class disco, or a big gathering in a soft play is ok, you shouldn't be noticed. Many other parties with activities or teams, it's not on.

Turning up just for the cake is very rude.

You are basically taking the space that could have gone to someone else who would have been delighted to attend the whole party.

Being late because you are already committed to a club, or have a valid excuse is different than wanting to go to 2 parties.

Wannakisstheteacher · 15/07/2021 15:59

Do not try to go to both. Horrendously awful for party 1 to see everyone leave part way through.

Nature party will be better anyway than waiting around for your 2 minute pony ride.

onlyhereforthecake · 15/07/2021 16:01

The attitude of adults towards kids parties can be unbelievably rude and ignorant.

YOU might not care about one kids parties among the 10s your kid is invited to. The birthday child will, it's their only birthday that year. It might be their only party in a few years (and not just because of the pandemic).

The parents might care, not everyone can easily splash on a nice party and many families made a lot of effort to organise something nice.

The same rules apply to any party, you don't get to decide you only show some manners to one but not the other.

Original poster
Trudij123 · 15/07/2021 16:01

They are aware ( the person I spoke to who said she was leaving early as we’re AB and C discussed it with mum 1 and she was ok with it) it just doesn’t really sit right with me. I think party 1 was a whole class party invite where 2 wasnt. Like I said, I’m surprised that they didn’t get together and discuss times, it’s not like this is the first time it’s happened and clearly is going to happen for the rest of their time at school.

I hate class politics 😂😂

Thanks again :)

OP posts:
WeAreTheHeroes · 15/07/2021 16:01

It would be really rude to leave party 1 an hour and a half early in order to get to party 2. Commit to one or the other.

Dozer · 15/07/2021 16:03

So rude to leave party 1 early.

Uramaki · 15/07/2021 16:05

They could have just had a joint party and save loooads of cash

User5827372728 · 15/07/2021 16:07

I would pick one and stick with it and explain to the other.

If everyone does this party 2 might push their party back an hour!

onlyhereforthecake · 15/07/2021 16:09

I am not sure this has anything to do with class politics. Just picture the face of the child when half the guests or more disappear mid-party.

or when no-one turns up until cake time.

They're 6 years old!

Original poster
Trudij123 · 15/07/2021 17:14

Yeah, “class politics” probably wasn’t the right description.

Thankyou all - I’m glad it’s not just me who thought the trying to do both was a bit off !!

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 15/07/2021 17:35

Absolutely nothing to do with class politics...

bridgetreilly · 15/07/2021 17:49

She has to choose. Unless one of them is her best friend, she should choose the one whose invitation came first. She can’t do everything and it’s okay for her to realise this now.

Youdiditanyway · 15/07/2021 18:00

Depends which party your DD would prefer really. I’d prefer the nature themed one but everyone’s different, ask your DD which one sounds more fun and go with that one.

Original poster
Trudij123 · 15/07/2021 18:41

I love the amount of people who think I haven’t already asked which one she wants to go to….

OP posts:
Original poster
Trudij123 · 15/07/2021 18:46

As I’ve said previously, the invites came on the same day. Trust me - anything that would have made it a simple decision has already long gone well out the window 😂😂

She’s chosen which one now - and I’m about to text the mum and say we’re going to that one ( and secretly I’m a bit relieved, I very much like both families but this one is twenty minutes nearer 😂)

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread