To ask what are the consequences of cold turkey??

[Withdrawalorbust]

Name changed for this

So DP has a long history of alcohol issues, for a long time he has drank an agreed amount and stuck to it (3 brandy's per night) however on Monday morning he drank a glass of wine! Said it was because he felt rough hair of the dog etc..

I then said no alcohol in the house or leave.

So there's no alcohol in the house and he's been in a vile mood since. Is this a symptom of stopping drinking or a tactic to make me allow drinking again??

He needs to get proper support or hell just drink outside of the house instead.

You know that this is a red herring.

Three brandies is a huge amount anyway and he’s an alcoholic.

You need to leave him and work on getting your own life back.

I say this as the ex-wife of one dead alcoholic and the daughter of another. You can’t control it or him, however hard you try.

If he’s alcohol dependent, suddenly stopping drinking can be dangerous and should only be done under medical supervision. But “three brandies a night”, and no other alcohol throughout the day, unless it’s pints of brandy, wouldn’t usually put somebody into dependent territory. What are the “issues”?

My brother was an alcoholic. He lost his wife, his home, he a job and his very comfortable lifestyle. None of it was enough to make him want to stop drinking. He died almost two years ago, it was classed as death by misadventure, blood poisoning by alcohol. The last time I saw him, he was so poorly but was still refusing all offers of help to tackle his addiction.

Unless he wants to do it it won't make a difference at all what you do or don't do.

When you say three brandies what measures are we talking? There normal pub measures or three large free pour measures. There is a big difference.

No 3 probably doubles, the issues are that he used to drink. A LOT more. We had massive arguments, police calls etc ... Since he's stuck to 3 per night and I've given up alcohol completely it's been fine, but the wine on Monday morning just feels like the start of a slippery slope back to help.

I don't think the Monday morning wine is the problem. 3 double brandies every night? 6 brandies per day. That's almost have a 75cl bottle, so more than 3 bottles of brandy every week.

Half not have

Agreed - if an alcoholic who drinks heavily going cold turkey without medical supervision can be dangerous - he needs to be monitored if he fits this category.

Coming of drugs is different and whilst you feel like you might you are not actually going to die!

He is obviously struggling and probably needs more support and maybe some medication to help the withdrawal.

And yes he'll need medical supervision coming off it. Good luck, I hope he can beat it

You making him stop or giving him ultimatums won’t do anything.
He needs professional support but he also needs to want it.

Sadly the drink will often come first.

It can be dangerous going cold turkey.
Sadly just the past week a friend of a friend died suddenly trying to go cold turkey off alcohol.

So today will be day 3 of no alcohol, what do I do? Tell him he can drink again?

@LividLaVidaLoca I know you are right, but he literally has nowhere else to go? What do I do, turf him onto the streets? It's not as though he's a happy drinker, it makes him moody and angry which he is all the time but drink definately makes it worse.

The mood he's been in since Monday though is next level ... I hate this ...

You can’t regulate his drinking. You can’t stop him from drinking. Unless he wants to stop on some deep level, he won’t. Alcohol is freely available everywhere and most alcoholics will lie and hide and sneak about to get their drink.

Is he willing to go to AA?

@PausePlease no, he doesn't think he has a problem. He says that everyone drinks like him and that just because "you're super mum and do everything right and are perfect you can't expect everyone else to be"

Needing to drink 3 brandies a night like it’s medicine is alcoholism. We know it, you know it. Unfortunately, unless or until he accepts it, nothing will change.

It’s a very hard situation for you to be in. And if you set yourself up for being responsible for watching his drinking and trying to moderate it for him, you’re setting yourself up for a world of heartache. He needs to do the work, but you.

In your situation, I’d be thinking about what you want to do and how you want your life to be going forward. Do you want to be with an alcoholic?

I’m a recovering alcoholic btw. So I’m not being judgemental, but speaking from experience.

@PausePlease he did do an intuitive recovery course march 2020. Seemed to say and do all the right things often talking about the "middle brain" making decisions etc (hopefully you will understand that) but it soon started again and over time I had figured out that it was only after the 4th drink he became a problem In terms of causing arguments and being moody etc, so stupidly I said he could get a 1/4 bottle every night and in fairness he has stuck to that for 16 months and all has been relatively ok.

The wine on Monday morning though, threw me right back to where we were with police calls, and even SS involvement. It makes me feel sick I can't go back there I just can't.

Interestingly, he's been going to bed after the DC so around 8pm since Monday and it's been bliss to sit in peace and know he's not drinking, or in a mood or just generally grumping about. I've been more relaxed than i have in years.

But when he's here and awake it's horrible the atmosphere is torturous.

Coming off alcohol completely can be very dangerous. He should be seeking help from addiction support services nearby before stopping entirely (I used to work in addiction support).

The first 3 days are the hardest.
Then, at about 4 weeks, as temptation is strong.
It gets better after that.
Good luck

As a 5+ years recovered alcoholic I want to ask if he has been out of the house at all over these last 3 days?
If he has, even for ten minutes, I'm guessing he has a secret bottle and a stash of mints/gum you know nothing about.
He doesn't want to stop. He's not hit his own rock bottom. He will lie and deceive, covering his tracks.

I'm sorry to say but I'd be suspicious of him going up to bed at 8.

Thanks @weenurse I'm scared I'm going to kill him now though, if he's got to today ok, then he will be fine won't he? He's not got the shakes or any yellowing of the skin eyes etc ???

you're super mum and do everything right and are perfect you can't expect everyone else to be

You shouldn’t put up with comments like this. Of course he will minimise his own alcohol problem and make out normal parenting is you being ‘Mrs perfect’. (I am not Saying you are not a supermen just that his bar for parenting is low given the alcoholism)
I am sceptical that he is not secretly drinking and this is causing a mood because he feels he’s an adult and should be able to do what he wants. This should be done with support from professionals though.

Just remember he needs to want to, You can only control the aspects of your life (and your children’s well-being). So if it comes down to it you may have to live with him moving out and you getting on with your life. Him having nowhere to go it’s not your problem ultimately he is a grown-up and must act like one.

@MissMissTorrance he definately hasn't had a drink, I have a breathalyser and I've been checking. But this is not a relationship it's like having another child. It would help if he were in board but he genuinely doesn't think he has a problem.