To tell my boss I am shit at my job?

[Tiletoo123]

I just can’t seem to do my job properly. I have always been a hard worker, have put the hours in, never the brightest or smartest but reliable, solid and will always answer the phone out of hours (important in my industry)

But I just can’t seem to get anything done, in time, or to the right standard. I have total responsibility for a major project that I need to present to the board next week ( the project isn’t done and is a mess but no one really knows). My boss has taken on all day to day tasks this week to help me make time to do the presentation.

I worked on it until 11pm last night, ahead of a review this afternoon. I produced ‘stuff’ but not a tight, cohesive document. He went through it and told me what to do to fix - came up with great ideas. He was very nice about it but I know he is thinking wtf have you been doing.

I can see he is getting annoyed. I want to bring it up with him and say ‘I think I am falling short and not what you need in this role’. I don’t want to do myself out of a job but I just feel I am failing in all areas and need to say ‘ I know, I’m not just being a dick on purpose’.

I used to be a person of details but now I just feel lost - I don’t know what is going on

What should I do?

Is this a new job or one you have done for a while? If the latter - what has changed?

One of the signs of burnout (which frankly needs you to be signed off for a while to recover) is brain fuzz nd inability to concentrate. Could it be that?

Have you grown to hate your job?

I could literally have written this. I’ve done my current job for 12 years but in the last 12 months I know my work has gone markedly downhill. Whatever I once had, I just don’t seem to have it any longer. I get stuff out but it’s not good enough and I make silly mistakes that I never would have done before. I think I’m burnt out to be honest and need a break.

In short, you've been given the feedback. Now TRY!

Give it your best and see what you can do?!!!

I seldom find if people give their work the time and attention it needs, and they want to do it, that it's awful.

Give it your full time and attention or give up....

We all make silly mistakes but this is different. If you want to succeed then this is your chance.

General advice - I think you need to play to your strengths. You're diligent and reliable but don't have the insight your boss does. So maybe you can share outlines of documents or presentations with him a week in advance for him to give high-level input which you can then polish.

Specific advice - if the project is a mess but your boss and the board don't know,.you need to tell them. Obviously, starting with your boss. Try to do this in a way that looks like giving updates and asking for advice, rather than saying you've failed or messed up.

Before you go and tell him you suck utterly and he should really fire you (I suspect it's probably not as bad as you think!) I'd try and think about whether there's any support he can put in place to help you - what do you need from him, after you tell him you're struggling? What can he do that would make this work better? I totally know this feeling, and I have once left a job over it, but I had unsupportive managers. Yours sounds nice, and I think you'll get a better reaction if you can go in and say "I'm struggling with this project and I think X, y and z would help - is there any way we can do that?" than if you go in and say "it's all shit and I'm shit and it's all going to fail!"

Have you seen a doctor to rule out any medical issues that might be making this job harder than normal? I get horrendous PMS which can make me struggle with tasks I can normally do - but things like mental health issues, maybe menopause (? I don't know much about it, but I had understood it might), or other health issues could conceivably be making this worse. It's probably worth checking, anyway!

I'd have the conversation with your boss, OP. If one of my employees was this honest, and I saw they were struggling but trying their hardest, I'd offer help, look at what was going on, and do something to alleviate your stress. It is the sign of a good employee to fess up - not a lousy one. I'm so sorry you are in this situation, and hope you can find a way to make it better.

I can see he is getting annoyed. I want to bring it up with him and say ‘I think I am falling short and not what you need in this role’. I don’t want to do myself out of a job but I just feel I am failing in all areas and need to say ‘ I know, I’m not just being a dick on purpose’.

Firstly, ignore some of the judgement masquerading as advice. Secondly, you already know what to do, you've pretty much said it.

Tell him you are struggling and you're not sure why. You're not doing it on purpose and you want to learn and improve. If he gave you feedback on how to fix the presentation it's highly likely he will appreciate your honesty and want to support you.

You do need to do an assessment of what your issues are. To me, it sounds like you are overwhelmed? There are ways to fix that. I also expect that you are good at parts of your job, you just aren't giving yourself credit for it. A really honest conversation with your boss will help you see that. If I was managing a low performer there is no way, I would've taken your BAU off you whilst letting you carry on autonomously with a project, so I don't think that's how your boss sees you.

Good luck!

I think 50% of your job is confidence to look like you can do it. Maybe even more. Just act on the feedback you have. And go and own it. I am convinced most people are winging it a bit (and for fear of being told off I think men are better at this then we women are)

Could you be menopausal?
I found I really struggled with attention to detail, seeing the big picture, pulling projects together and time management.
I had what I now call a foggy brain.
I also had awful mood swings.
Luckily I worked for myself so I had no boss to answer to but it really affected my performance.

I am managing someone who isn’t doing a good job and it would be a blessed relief if they were upfront that they were not finding it easy and wanted support. Tell him.

@Blessex

I think 50% of your job is confidence to look like you can do it. Maybe even more. Just act on the feedback you have. And go and own it. I am convinced most people are winging it a bit (and for fear of being told off I think men are better at this then we women are)

I think you're right, but I don't think 'winging it' is working for the OP. We all have different personalities.

@Gwenhwyfar nope I agree. But when I get anxious this is what I tell myself to calm me down.

@buildersteagirl

Could you be menopausal? I found I really struggled with attention to detail, seeing the big picture, pulling projects together and time management. I had what I now call a foggy brain. I also had awful mood swings. Luckily I worked for myself so I had no boss to answer to but it really affected my performance.

It’s interesting you asked this- Age U.K. have a menopause policy for their staff. Part of this acknowledges that women can really lose their confidence professionally while they’re dealing with the physical changes of menopause, and they have a framework for women to ask for a mentor or training to give them a boost.

OK I'm being a bit blunt, but can you really imagine a man telling their boss they can't do their job? No. They'd focus on what was impeding them from succeeding.
I would go to my boss and say, I need more support and training in xyz e.g. training on presenting, project management training, earlier feedback as boss' feedback was clearly very helpful, some mentoring to help you think in new ways etc etc. Show that you know you can do it given the right support.

@AnnaBegins agree.

They also wing it more than women with confidence. Have been working for 25 years for a big global multinational.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4296738-Letting-someone-fail-at-work-aibu-to-let-it-happen

I know this may sound silly but have you actually taken a break, even when not working it's still on your mind I know when j have projects I can get worked up just thinking what I need to do I end up dreaming about them waking up in the middle of the night I found walking away taking a breath doing something eles for a bit really help to focus me back in

Just ask for help. It sounds as though you're struggling but capable. With the right support and any issues addressed I am sure you'll thrive.

Do you have weekly 1 to 1 with your boss about this project? What support do you have in place?

The project is a mess but no one knows - it should never get to this point. Weekly highlight reports, weekly status updates, escalate issues and risks etc.

I hate when people are set up to fail at work by not being given the touchpoints or support needed to succeed.

I feel like this OP, not about a specific project but it's about overload. People thinking I can cope so keep giving me more and say oh ask SilverGiltterBaubles she can do that. In my trying my best to please and be recognised I've made a rod for my own back. I keep thinking no male colleagues would put themselves in this position. Something is wrong about all this. I'm trying to figure it out hope you can too

It sounds like you're very overwhelmed. Are you getting enough time to concentrate on the work. Btw the qualities you mentioned are excellent and very important it is a rare colleague who is reliable and willing to help after hours.

Could it be related to working differently since the pandemic? I feel less capable of doing my job than I did 18 months ago. I'm good with technology - IT systems don't bother me. But the experience of working not just from home but fully on screen while living alone really seems to have dulled my mind somehow. I found this article, especially the part about forming memories, really resonated.

www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/jun/24/pandemic-brain-covid-coronavirus-fog-concentrate

Apart from that, I agree that breaking it down into skills training needed would be a good approach. Is there a colleague / mentor who is strong where you have weaknesses - could you ask for a coffee and feedback and offer help in return, too?

It must be okay not always to be good at things. I'm reasonably aware which of my fellow workers are good and less good at what, and the world doesn't end when they aren't perfect. It's only myself I blame for not being perfect so I am trying to ease up a bit.