To tell my boss I am shit at my job?

[Tiletoo123]

I just can’t seem to do my job properly. I have always been a hard worker, have put the hours in, never the brightest or smartest but reliable, solid and will always answer the phone out of hours (important in my industry)

But I just can’t seem to get anything done, in time, or to the right standard. I have total responsibility for a major project that I need to present to the board next week ( the project isn’t done and is a mess but no one really knows). My boss has taken on all day to day tasks this week to help me make time to do the presentation.

I worked on it until 11pm last night, ahead of a review this afternoon. I produced ‘stuff’ but not a tight, cohesive document. He went through it and told me what to do to fix - came up with great ideas. He was very nice about it but I know he is thinking wtf have you been doing.

I can see he is getting annoyed. I want to bring it up with him and say ‘I think I am falling short and not what you need in this role’. I don’t want to do myself out of a job but I just feel I am failing in all areas and need to say ‘ I know, I’m not just being a dick on purpose’.

I used to be a person of details but now I just feel lost - I don’t know what is going on

What should I do?

I felt exactly the same as you earlier this year. Lockdown demolished my confidence, which in turn affected my performance.

There are a few things to ask yourself. Do you like your job? Are you subconsciously looking for an escape and hoping the decision will be taken out of your hands? Or are you just dealing with a lack of confidence which is in turn affecting your confidence and concentration?

One thing that really helped me was being honest with my manager about how I was feeling and getting set up with a mentor. If you want to stay you could try that - I wouldn't be so harsh on myself as in your example, just say there are areas you want to improve on.

Or if you're just not happy maybe you need a break? Or to think about what you really want?

And just give yourself some space to breathe. Don't judge yourself. Figure out what you want to do.

I'd be honest, you're going to get in more bother by just not doing the work. I used to manage someone who was a bit head in the sand about stuff it turned out, unfortunately it led to going down the performance management path, but as it turned out she said she found elements hard and was ashamed. We worked together to have a look at what support could be put in place- enrolled on some training and worked alongside someone very experienced and she started thriving.

@KleineDracheKokosnuss

Is this a new job or one you have done for a while? If the latter - what has changed?

One of the signs of burnout (which frankly needs you to be signed off for a while to recover) is brain fuzz nd inability to concentrate. Could it be that?

Have you grown to hate your job?

I'm on my 4th month off with exactly this. I used to be able to do a good job but just really struggled and covered up until the point I couldn't and I basically couldn't even swallow with the stress and anxiety.

I think you need to take action before you end up in the same boat.

I got some free counselling via my work and she linked this article to me when I was saying I didn't know if I was stressed because I was shit or shit because I was stressed:

explorable.com/how-does-stress-affect-performance

@Royalbloo

I seldom find if people give their work the time and attention it needs, and they want to do it, that it's awful. Give it your full time and attention or give up....

Wow you're nice!

I wouldn't go and say 'I am shit at this job' (or paraphrase thereof), but maybe phrase it as you feel like you might be better off doing something else, that you need training in X or Y or advice in how to improve in something. There's no need to discuss it in a way that makes yourself surplus to requirements.

I used to be a person of details but now I just feel lost - I don’t know what is going on

How old are you? Brain fog and so forth can be a sign of perimenopause and can cause many women to give up their jobs. If you’re anywhere near the right where perimenopause may be an issue, it may be worth looking at Dr Louise Newson’s website.

Do you need an assistant to take the day to day tasks on. Sounds like your workload is too big.

@buildersteagirl

Could you be menopausal? I found I really struggled with attention to detail, seeing the big picture, pulling projects together and time management. I had what I now call a foggy brain. I also had awful mood swings. Luckily I worked for myself so I had no boss to answer to but it really affected my performance.

This is what I was thinking. Baby brain is nothing compared to menopause. I can’t believe I still have a job some days!

How old are you op? If too young for peri /menopause then thyroid issues, B12/folate deficiency & low vitamin D can all give you brain fog.

I'm another one here who is curious whether this is menopause-related.

I think losing confidence can also have a big knock on effect in work performance.

You sound like you’re having a tough time. Some great advice here - flip it from ‘I know I’m not good enough’ to ‘I am finding elements of this hard and need help with x, y, z’.

Also, break it down. 1. You need your boss to help with build a plan for sorting the project on the ground 2. You need to be able to report to board on progress.

Re the latter - remember that board won’t have any more clue than you (and it won’t be their major concern most likely in the same way it is yours). Take your presentation back to three key things, what the objective of the project is, what the roadmap is to get to the end (high level), and what risks and support there are (along with proposed mitigating actions). You’ve got this (and even if you haven’t, your boss is reasonable and will support you, and board won’t be sat clutching pearls in rapt anticipation). Loads of luck

It was suggested to me that it could be part of post covid stuff as I had covid in March 2020 and i started to really struggle from the summer and it just gradually got worse. I don't think mine would be menopause related as i'm 55 and haven't had a period since I was 47?

I agree it could definitely be a factor for the OP if she is at that stage.

One of the best pieces of advice I was given - and it helps me when I struggle just like you - is a question; “Do you turn up: on time, in the right place, dressed appropriately and do an honest days work? Yes? Then you are doing good enough.”
Reach out to your colleagues - is there someone who can support even if it is making your presentation look nice/tea/fetching/tidying/for you?
I did explain to my boss once that I was hopeless at my job and she was surprised and told me that I was absolutely fine and was the most reliable person on the team!

@Ileflottante I was going to post the same!

Can you identify what it is specifically you're struggling with? Is it new or something you've always found hard?

It's not surprising as such that he came up with great ideas after reading what you had produced - it's always easier to come up with great ideas when you've already been presented with a draft someone else has put together.

You've got the job and the career you have for a reason so it can't be a case of you not being any good at it at all. But we all have specific tasks and parts of our jobs that are more challenging. Talking to your boss is a great idea but do it from a more balanced perspective and try to go to him with solutions - more training, mentoring, delegating specific tasks, taking on other tasks that suit you better?

Would it be useful if we helped draft an email to your boss? Others will probably be better at this, but I’m happy to start it off….

Dear Boss
Thank you for your helpful suggestions which I am currently implementing. As you may have noticed I am feeling rather overwhelmed by the project and would appreciate some additional help. Specifically, I feel XYZ are not where I hoped they would be. Is there a time we can meet today to discuss this?

This happened to me. I used to really like my fairly senior job and be good at it, but after coming back from one of my maternity leaves I returned to a new team and new boss who was totally fine (and much nicer than the previous one)... But for reasons I still don't fully understand I bollocksed up everything from sending emails to the wrong people, taking forever to make decisions, and missing meetings, despite genuinely trying. It was awful and I dreaded work. My lovely family and friends who were ex colleagues kept making sympathetic noises about me being bullied or underappreciated or imposter syndrome but I really was crap and only scraped by through working long hours to make it up.

Then was made redundant, got a new job... And it's brilliant. Should have done it years ago. Love the energy and the people, and the change of scene has given me a chance to start fresh and well, and my feedback is great again.

It might be something in you, but it also might be the situation. Think about what work fulfilment looks like to you, and do look around, wish I'd done it earlier before my self-worth had taken such a hit. Somewhere out there is a team who will be so grateful to have you.

[quote drumandthebass]@Ileflottante I was going to post the same![/quote]
I just knew this thread would elicit really kind and considered responses from posters, so it only seemed fair to post it, just in case.

Either it’s a weird coincidence, one poster was inspired by the other, or some oddball is wasting our time. I’m a cynic…

I think you need a balance of all the things mentioned- acknowledge to your boss that you don’t feel your output is on time or to the standard expected. Thank them for their help to date. You need to go with more than that though - what can they do to make you effective in the role? What skills are you missing? What support can they give you? And one thing to acknowledge to yourself is that if it doesn’t work out and you still feel you can’t do the role- don’t torture yourself, some roles aren’t for everyone and there is no shame in accepting it’s not for you. There may be something much more suited to you somewhere down the road.

@ElephantOfRisk

It was suggested to me that it could be part of post covid stuff as I had covid in March 2020 and i started to really struggle from the summer and it just gradually got worse. I don't think mine would be menopause related as i'm 55 and haven't had a period since I was 47?

I agree it could definitely be a factor for the OP if she is at that stage.

I was going to ask this, have you have COVID Op?

I know it sounds weird, but I had it over Christmas, and ever since I find it really hard to concentrate and make small errors.

I joked to a friend that COVID had ‘made me thick’ , but… I genuinely feel like it kind of has!
It’s getting better, but I’m nowhere near as in the ball as I was

My table had a nice view and there were only 3 outdoor tables in total. The cafe was in a park and most people just got takeaway. There was an elderly man sitting at another table. He had finished and put the lady's father sitting at his table. We are not allowed dine indoors yet

I know I came across as odd in my attempt to get out of sharing a table without refusing. I should have just pretended to be on a call and waved her away. I was scared of getting covid as I had no vaccinations and I have moderate asthma.

Reading other experiences on this thread, I know it can be very awkward. I would love to have the confidence to be all smiles and pretend I don't understand.

@LouiseBelchersBunnyEars, I also had heart palpitations and panic attacks and difficulty breathing but that could also be due to the stress. It's the fact that i've worked for 38 years with a handful of days sick in all that time - obviously had stressful times before but I've never felt like this in my life, that led her to say it might be a factor. I have no history of this and yet got to the point where i could barely function. I could lose hours just sitting staring at my screen and unable to work and then would get a panic attack if an email arrived. A lot of what OP is talking about were things that let me to that, brain fog, not able to concentrate or motivate, not sleeping etc.

So it could be but then there is no way to distinguish and treatment is the same regardless so it sort of feels like it should matter more to me.

I feel like this all the time. I work really hard but I’m just never sure if I’ve done what was wanted. I’ve started asking for in-depth clarity. Sometimes feels like you’re sucking eggs but I’d rather do it once correctly than 100 times.

Thank you for all of your kind messages - they have made me cry

I don’t think I am the person in the other thread! I have never had to go through competency checks or been off sick. The project is my actual job, rather than something new. I called it a project as it covers work for a specific amount of time, with an output, hence the presentation.

To answer questions:

I am approaching 40 but don’t think I am perimenopausal...

I don’t think I have had COVID but the fuzzy brain and not being able to think or take in information/make decisions is exactly my experience.

I feel overwhelmed despite not actually doing much - we had a colleague (team of 3 including my boss) who left earlier in the year and hasn't been replaced.

I have worked in this industry for 12 years, at this business for 6. My job changed slightly (think new business unit but underlying job/skills the same) just before COVID and I haven’t had the training that would happen in normal times but I could have absorbed information other ways - I just haven’t been able to motivate myself to do it. My industry has been busier with COVID

I think previously I have run on adrenaline/fear. Now I feel a bit apathetic and as someone said, maybe almost wanting to be sacked to force the issue. I’m not sure what I would go to if I left but it’s great to hear that others have done it and feel better.

I work very long hours but have little to nothing to show for it. I always think I will catch up in the evening/at the weekend but never seem to do it. My boss has noticed this and I can see it doesn’t make sense to him. He has a very busy life whereas I don’t.

I don’t want to throw myself under the bus and I agree that men wouldn’t do that. I often hear him being nice to someone’s face but harsh behind their backs. I suppose I would rather him be honest with me.

Sorry that was long but I think it’s better when posters answer what is asked. I really appreciate your thoughts, it has made me feel less alone. Thank you