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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was quite rude?

33 replies

sadparenting · 14/07/2021 19:09

I own a PR agency and my MIL has never supported my career since I had a baby last year. Today as I was working, she said to me: ‘it’s unfortunate you can’t get a real job like a 9-5’.

AIBU to think this was a really insensitive thing to say?

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 14/07/2021 19:11

I'd have laughed and said, It's unfortunate you don't understand I own my own business. That's hilarious!

BlueSurfer · 14/07/2021 19:11

Usually something is only insensitive if you are sensitive to it, otherwise it’s brushed off and not thought anymore of.

You should ask your MIL if she thinks doctors don’t have real jobs since they don’t work 9-5…

TotorosCatBus · 14/07/2021 19:11

Wtf? Do you own an imaginary business?

GertieGumboyle · 14/07/2021 19:12

Smile and wave. She's your MIL, not someone whose opinion holds any weigh or whose view matters to you.

Bluntness100 · 14/07/2021 19:13

Honestly why would you even give a shit? She’s obviously no clue. Just smile , listen to dolphin noises in your head and move on.

Letthelightoflove · 14/07/2021 19:14

Why was she there when you were working? Is she providing free childcare? Might be a bit of a reach and I’m sorry if it is.

MissBPotter · 14/07/2021 19:16

Is she doing lots of childcare at odd hours or long days? Would you be financially better off if you were employed? If no to those questions then yes it’s a little rude.

Original poster
sadparenting · 14/07/2021 19:16

No she came to visit (something I try my best not to make a regular thing because she’s awful lol)

OP posts:
UnChatNoir · 14/07/2021 19:19

Tell her to keep her nose out of your work. I know I would.

Wrotten · 14/07/2021 19:21

My husband has his own business and some months he brings in £4-£5k. My FIL will still point out that Tesco are hiring.

Chances are she's being a dick but maybe, just maybe, she just doesn't get that you can make good money working for yourself.

MotionActivatedDog · 14/07/2021 19:21

I would have given her the head tilt and said “aww, does it make you really sad?”

georgarina · 14/07/2021 19:21

Yes it's rude!

I had similar, with a family member telling me it was such a shame I wasn't staying home and apparently she read a story about a little boy with a SAHM saying "my mummy cares so much about me she spends every day with me," and a sad boy with a working mother asking "why doesn't my mummy care that much?"

You can say something if you want or just avoid her and internally tell her to STFU

girlmom21 · 14/07/2021 19:30

Would you have found it rude if she'd missed out the word 'real'?

Did she say it maliciously or was she just a bit clumsy?

DowntonCrabby · 14/07/2021 19:31

You obviously know her and it sounds like she’s a bit of a dick anyway.

A lot of people are so risk adverse to those taking an entrepreneurial approach to life as they can’t comprehend that someone would actively reject the perceived security that comes with employment/pensions etc.

Other’s can be so narrow minded that literally anything they out of their own bubble, anything they wouldn’t choose to do or anything going against society’s norms would baffle them.

Nowt as queer as folk.

FadedRed · 14/07/2021 19:35

Print this out and frame it, then put prominently it where she can see it.

To think this was quite rude?
Cooldryplace · 14/07/2021 19:40

Personality clashes colour everything. If it was from a supportive friend, sympathising with your long hours, of course it's not rude and "real" is just a turn of speach. A MIL who disapproves of your choices? Probably.

WunWun · 14/07/2021 19:41

So what did you reply?

I hate it when people half post nonsensical stories.

Original poster
sadparenting · 14/07/2021 19:42

I didn’t reply. I pretended I didn’t hear, that’s why there’s nothing more to this story

OP posts:
WillowGrand · 14/07/2021 19:43

Oh my mum adores me and says stuff like “can’t you get a nice job in the garage to work round the kids, or a local office?”

Absolutely mum I’ll Chuck years of education and get paid 70+grand at the garage… Grin

They mean well, it’s not rude it’s old fashioned. I also work in marketing, it’s not an easy job to explain!!

Backtomyoldname · 14/07/2021 19:43

My OH was a consultant with the LA. Her mum didn’t quite get it and nor did my parents. (Even though all 3 had been in education.)

A bit rude - but some never get it.

debwong · 14/07/2021 19:54

It should only bother you if you can't in fact get a 9-5 job.

Evidencebased · 14/07/2021 19:57

Tbf, it may be a generational thing.
FIL , well I've gone over the concept of working hard from home throughout the pandemic, via phone and computer, many times.
But he can't grasp it, possibly thinks I live in a fantasy land.
It's so far outside his experience, he can't really imagine it.

In his defence, he is in his nineties.

georgarina · 14/07/2021 20:02

@WillowGrand lol I get the same thing, lots of education and a demanding job and my (lovely) grandma will say things like "why don't you get a nice job in a local shop, I would love to have done that when I had my kids."

Generational/lifestyle differences!

Grainjar · 14/07/2021 20:32

I'm on the fence. It could be her lack of knowledge of the job market or a sly dig.

Drivingmeupthewall · 14/07/2021 20:45

Outdated knobhead. She should have better manners than to speak about it, even if she thinks it. You’re not unreasonable to think it’s rude, it is.

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