Dreading the summer holidays

[Crabby12345]

I feel like I am in the minority, but I am dreading the summer holidays.
I have a 5yo and a 2.5yo, contrary to what I was told when making the decision to have a second, they do not play happily together. The fights are relentless (usually deriving from the younger one breaking the older ones Lego, stealing toys, not letting them have their space etc.)
They enjoy such different activities and everytime we try to do something fun outside the house, it usually ends in disaster - for example, soft play (the older one wants me to go with them on the older section and the younger one can’t manage it) or the beach, older one got bored and started moaning about wanting to go on the rides on the pier and then whilst on the pier the younger one wanted to get out the pushchair and started screaming. Indoor activities can be just as tough as things like play doh and painting get ‘boring’ according to the older one after half an hour. When I try to play games with the 5yo, the younger one usually comes along and messes the game up erupting in a big argument between them both.
Feel terrible for thinking it, but it would be so much easier to only be catering for one, as the two of them together is such hard work. All I see on social media is how much they are looking forward to the time spent all together but all I foresee is squabbling and hard work.
I have a husband, but as I work part time, the majority of the childcare falls to me whilst he is working from home. Please tell me I’m not alone in feeling like this?

At 2.5 and 5 they won't play happily together, or not for long anyway, they have totally different needs and wants. As they get older that gap will get smaller.

I've got twins and it's one of the upsides that at least they are able to do the same thing at the same time.

can you meet up with the older ones friends at soft play or the park so they can play together and you can be more with the younger one?

The lder one is old enough to understand if you go to the beach you play there for a set amount of time and then he can go on the rides.

Yy to meeting up with friends in the park as much as you can.

Would the older one be able to do any holiday club days to break it up a bit?

I've never understood why so many other mums look forward to the summer holidays...for me it's an endurance course of bickering, mess, noise and endless food prep. Also dreading it

It's nearly four and six were they will get on better. The fighting might not stop and they may never like the same things. They are two separate people. Get through this year and it'll soon get better.

"I've never understood why so many other mums look forward to the summer holidays"

If you aren't at work, the lie in and less pressure, timekeeping is good. I do childcare for my DD and usually look forward to the holidays. Toilet training is what's putting me off this year.

I am trying to arrange some play dates, but most of my friends with children the 5yos age are at work. I have a couple who do not work but they seem to be very busy! With covid this year, I haven’t been able to get chatting with the class friends parents as drop off and pick ups are mask on and in and out as fast as possible.

I’d love to get him on holiday clubs, although we don’t have a lot of spare money and the clubs are so expensive around here. Also the little one is usually at pre school, however that breaks up after this week for the summer.

I hate the summer holidays with a passion..dreading it!
Could you try to get them to agree Mum does an activity for 15 mins with one dc snd other one has to amuse themselves no interruptions. Then it's dc2 turn to get uninterrupted attention from Mym and Dc1 amused themselves?

I think you will find it gets easier as they get older say 5 and 7.5 when they can do more of the same stuff together.

It will get better. Mine are 3 years apart and they only started playing together when youngest turned 3.5 and was firmly out of the toddler phase.

Mine are older now, but yes you are completely correct it’s very hard work. Look for holiday clubs for the oldest so you can then do activities with the youngest. They can both do a bit if what they enjoy, summer school holidays are an endurance test!

You are not alone, and I expect there are some without children who are as well.

This stage won’t last forever, in about a year your youngest will be in a position where he can mostly keep up with the eldest and they should play more harmoniously. Their gap is fine but it’s just the age your youngest is at really, it’s a bit of an awkward one.

YANBU to be dreading the holidays though, I am too.

My older 3 are all only 2 years apart and, once the youngest got to 3ish it was she and the eldest which played together best.

Strangely the 2 year gap was not big enough - but also too big for playing together somehow

Stayed that way till early teens and then it all evened out. (all girls)(all best mates now in early 20s)

And yes, this stage wont last long.

For better or worse no stage lasts long with DCs.

Separate spaces for individual play where one can't interrupt the other (e.g. in their own bedrooms) and flit between the two as necessary whilst also making time for yourself to drink, eat and rest.

TV and/or tablet games for one or the other when you're busy with their sibling.

Set up a safe space in the garden, if you have on, with some generic toys and activities and just let them play. If the eldest gets bored, allow that to happen because then they'll learn to find their own entertainment.

I used to refuse to go on the soft play equipment, even when they were toddlers, and just sat somewhere where I could see and hear them (there were separate sections for different age groups).

Go on walks to big open spaces where the older one can go a bit further away but the little one can toddle about nearby too rather than being strapped in the pushchair. See above re. the "I'm bored" whinges.

It’s funny because everyone said that 2.5 years was the perfect gap but in terms of them getting on (and my sanity) this year it’s been awful.
I do feel awful for my 5YO as youngest is quite hard work and gets our attention when misbehaving and then when she ruins eldests play/steals toy it often causes tantrums getting it back off her so eldest has to let it go. I’d love to give eldest more one to one time when we’re out but my minds always on watching where the youngest is running off to or calming a tantrum.

I think a couple of years is good in terms of clothes and equipment still being current/familiar/to hand, and easy to re use. One about to come out of nappies and the next arrives ect.

I would not have said they'd play together though. Not yet a while.

My eldest (and i think it's true of a lot of 'eldests') is very resilient, independant, confident and has never craved attention from people precisely because they got used to not having instant attention when they were little. She was loved and felt loved but had to learn to wait (if appropriate, not if she was hurt obvs) for my undivided attention sometimes. It's not a bad thing. She's done fantastically in life so far :)

I've never understood why so many other mums look forward to the summer holidays...for me it's an endurance course of bickering, mess, noise and endless food prep. Also dreading it

I hear this kind of comment so often. It sounds soul-destroying. Would anyone explain to this ignorant, childless woman why you chose to have children?

I'm with you OP. My 2 children don't get on. They're very different people and share very little in common. Even a trip to the cinema causes arguments as neither will agree on a film. It's got to the point now where I feel like parenting them separately. If I had the money I'd definitely take them to the cinema individually. I don't know what advice I can offer, just wanted you to know that you're not the only one.

We are now on hols and agree it's absolutely exhausting

@DavidTheDog

I've never understood why so many other mums look forward to the summer holidays...for me it's an endurance course of bickering, mess, noise and endless food prep. Also dreading it

I hear this kind of comment so often. It sounds soul-destroying. Would anyone explain to this ignorant, childless woman why you chose to have children?

Awww bless...try spending six weeks listening to endless bickering, making food and clearing up the kitchen several times a day. Trying to run errands or do chores whilst kids moan, argue, don't leave you alone for a second. Try seeing how bloody expensive days out are. Try having zero time to yourself for six weeks. Try keeping them off screens and doing wholesome activities.

No fun with a teenager. DS is 15. Some SEN so not able to be as independent.
Summer holidays are an endurance test. So many fun things to do but he won't go without his friend. So a lot of time is spent on the playstation which is annoying to say the least. It is in the living room to keep him safe. He's not mature enough to use it unsupervised. I feel like a prisoner

You only have to read the above comments to understand why a lot of people feel this way. Having children is hard work-I think anyone who has children and even those who don’t but have nephews/nieces/godchildren/friends with children can agree on that. It is relentless and it’s a job that although offers vast benefits, it also doesn’t allow for holidays or sick days. There’s no training, you’re literally thrown in the deep end from day 1! I think as women (childless or not) we should be supporting each other rather than trying to bring others down when they are finding that stage of life difficult.

That was to Davidthdog