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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To instruct DH to change a nappy?

30 replies

regularbutnamechangedd · 14/07/2021 10:17

I get up with the kids, one school age, one nursery age, on weekday mornings, do the breakfasts, pack the bags and then do the school/nursery run. DH currently (SE) works about half the week at home, so on those days the younger DC stays at home with DH and I do school run with other DC.

School run takes about 30-40 mins as it's a special school and they have protocols with covid.

AIBU to think that in that time DH could give DC a little snack, and maybe get them dressed for the day? Obviously on the days when he's out I do this, and they come on the school run with me.

Today DC had wet through their nappy and was distressed when I got home. DH very annoyed that I hadn't 'told him' to change their nappy.

WIBU to think he could actually parent without being told every fucking specific task along the way? Has anyone had this issue and overcome it? Prepared to be told I've made my own bed here...

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 14/07/2021 10:20

So your younger dc stays at home with him during the day half the week and he can't work out when to change their nappy? Poor kid!

OoglyMoogly · 14/07/2021 10:20

DH very annoyed that I hadn't 'told him' to change their nappy

He manages to run his own business yet wants you to tell him when to change a nappy? Hmm

HeartShapedBox · 14/07/2021 10:20

No, you really shouldn't have to tell him to change his own childs nappy or feed them for that matter. He's supposed to be their dad, he should do these things without being told to.

Schrutesbeets · 14/07/2021 10:21

YANBU, obviously!!!!

Original poster
regularbutnamechangedd · 14/07/2021 10:22

Should point out, he's not working on those mornings I do school run, he's generally in bed until I walk out of the door with DC, and then starts work around 10am.

OP posts:
Original poster
regularbutnamechangedd · 14/07/2021 10:22

@LittleOwl153

So your younger dc stays at home with him during the day half the week and he can't work out when to change their nappy? Poor kid!
They only stay with him while I'm on school run, I'm home the rest of the time (I'm a full time carer).
OP posts:
SimonJT · 14/07/2021 10:26

How does he know when to go for a wee or when to change his own pants?!

30degreesandmeltinghere · 14/07/2021 10:27

Tbf maybe dh is sorting his own pull- up. Don't toddlers still wear them?.

AngeloMysterioso · 14/07/2021 10:27

So he’s one of those lazy dick fathers who thinks anything and everything related to childcare is Not His Job, to the detriment of his child(ren)’s welfare?

Ohpulltheotherone · 14/07/2021 10:28

So you say, very loudly and clearly and maybe speak very SLOWLY so he can take it in as he seems to be thick as shit

WHEN A BABY WAKES UP YOU CHANGE THEIR NAPPY, GIVE THEM SOME MILK AND / OR BREAKFAST, CLEAN THEM UP AFTER, CHANGE THE NAPPY AGAIN IF NEEDED AND PUT THEM INTO CLEAN CLOTHES.

God what a sad excuse for a human being.

OP I predict many years of frustration for you if this isn’t dealt with swiftly and sharply.

Also, go back to work once your baby is in nursery.

Do not rely on this man for security.

Ohpulltheotherone · 14/07/2021 10:29

Oh sorry I see you’re a full time carer, is that to your DC.

Still, absolutely need to ensure you get some financial independence going on here

Original poster
regularbutnamechangedd · 14/07/2021 10:30

@Ohpulltheotherone

So you say, very loudly and clearly and maybe speak very SLOWLY so he can take it in as he seems to be thick as shit

WHEN A BABY WAKES UP YOU CHANGE THEIR NAPPY, GIVE THEM SOME MILK AND / OR BREAKFAST, CLEAN THEM UP AFTER, CHANGE THE NAPPY AGAIN IF NEEDED AND PUT THEM INTO CLEAN CLOTHES.

God what a sad excuse for a human being.

OP I predict many years of frustration for you if this isn’t dealt with swiftly and sharply.

Also, go back to work once your baby is in nursery.

Do not rely on this man for security.

I'm not going back to work. I have another child with complex needs and I am their carer. They receive high rate DLA and I receive carers allowance.

Sorry but I'm not prepared to be told by MN that I need to go out to work, I see that in so many threads started by exhausted full time unpaid carers and I am not up for debating it at all. I work over and above, I just don't get a choice about whether I do it and I don't get paid.

OP posts:
MouldyPotato · 14/07/2021 10:30

Sounds like DC was telling him to change the nappy. Surely if DC is distressed he should be trying to work out what's wrong!

Original poster
regularbutnamechangedd · 14/07/2021 10:32

@MouldyPotato

Sounds like DC was telling him to change the nappy. Surely if DC is distressed he should be trying to work out what's wrong!
Well you'd think, wouldn't you? His family think he's a 'fantastic father', probably because he hasn't run off with a younger woman yet.
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MouldyPotato · 14/07/2021 10:34

Haha I get that when DH "babysits" so I can go out. I always correct them but they still keep saying it.

Enko · 14/07/2021 10:40

Tell your dh you didn't realise he needed explaining how to be an adult and then spend the next day over explaining EVERYTHING to him. He will eventually snap and this is when you point out if he can't even work out a nappy need changing clearly something is wrong. Then state simply you expect better in the future. He is their parent ot their babysitter

MouldyPotato · 14/07/2021 10:42

Tell your dh you didn't realise he needed explaining how to be an adult and then spend the next day over explaining EVERYTHING to him ha! Great idea. I'm going to try this next time my OH does similar.

pinkyredrose · 14/07/2021 10:43

Can he wipe his own arse?

BlueistheNewme · 14/07/2021 10:44

I overcame this, by divorce. He then had to work it out himself. On the morning after the overnight he complained they were awake before the breakfast opened (he had them in a hotel). So I explained that all the times he’d moaned about me going to pick up breakfast when we were staying in hotels, were to avoid this scenario 😂.

FeeLock · 14/07/2021 11:08

Today DC had wet through their nappy and was distressed when I got home. DH very annoyed that I hadn't 'told him' to change their nappy.<

This is learned helplessness. I hope this is just immaturity and spite, and not that he has a significant problem in not being able to prioritise his children's needs. Suggest you put this to him and recommend he seeks help before his actions, or inactions, endangers the children.

BarbaraofSeville · 14/07/2021 11:14

He's been a father for 5+ years and he still doesn't know that one of the first things you check with a crying baby is whether they need their nappy changing.

Christ, I'm not even a parent and actively avoid being in the company of small children, and even I know that.

Of course he knew, but he couldn't be arsed doing it, he'd rather leave his child in distress, so you'd do it when you came home. Hmm

Does he ever change nappies, or does he leave it all for you to do?

Hallyup6 · 14/07/2021 11:15

I had the same conversation with my husband last week. He'll change dirty nappies if I'm not around but it wouldn't ever cross his mind to change a wet nappy every few hours. Irritates the hell out of me. He's changed zero nappies since I last asked him to try and do it, and I had exactly the same conversation with him a few months ago. I don't know what the answer is but I can empathise with you.

Original poster
regularbutnamechangedd · 14/07/2021 11:19

Well he's on the autistic spectrum, but so am I, so I don't really see that as an excuse really. Seeing to my children's needs is something I just know innately. He's an odd fish though. If they fall over he freezes. I've had to shout to him 'pick them up' when our child has fallen and is crying while outside and he's the closest.

OP posts:
ScaryHairyMcClary · 14/07/2021 11:29

Is there a reason why you get up with the kids and he stays in bed?

Original poster
regularbutnamechangedd · 14/07/2021 11:30

@ScaryHairyMcClary

Is there a reason why you get up with the kids and he stays in bed?
I would imagine it's because he 'works so hard' and I apparently don't.
OP posts: