To ask if your DC is neurodiverse, did you always 'know'?

[ZoinksRun]

DD is lovely, kind and curious. As my eldest, and with little experience of other people's children I didn't really pick anything up of what babies do at what age. She was early to crawl and walk, late when she started talking.
It was very difficult to settle her into childcare. Once we had three months of settling in sessions at a nursery before I switched to a childminder. The childminder was lovely but did admit she was the most difficult to settle in her twenty years of experience! My dd always was very attached to me, and even now won't let me go to the car (which is on our drive) without her.

The childminder questioned autism at 3 due to my dd putting her hands on her ears a lot. She is very noise sensitive and repeated things over and over (like a script.) Her understanding was good and she got on well with other kids, however she was very distressed when they got upset, often crying for way longer than they did.
Fastfoward to her being six and I'm still not sure. She's been to preschool and school and neither have raised it. She has a care plan for anxiety, which her preschool introduced, and at the time I felt they weren't telling me everything.

School say they don't formally start looking into things until they are 7 (she's 6) but I only know this because a friend is waiting for SENco support from them for her son. I worry that school won't pick this up, as she's not a management issue at all. She finds it very hard to concentrate and often won't stop moving when asked to do tasks, it's like a compulsion to fidget. We often do maths whilst playing so she has something to do with her hands.
I suppose what I want is an answer one way or another. Her godmother thinks she might have ADHD and autism, as she thinks DD is very similar to her sister who has these diagnosis's.
Just wondered if anyone could help me understand whether I should have known or whether this is sometimes a complete shock (not in a bad way) to the parents too.

No, you are not taken seriously, you have to fight for everything. I raised my concerns with school and they said some kids d3velop slower than others. Problem is he is high functioning and can manage academically. Socially and emotionally was and still is the main area of concern. He now has an EHCP BUT I HAD TO FIGHT TOOTH AND NAIL FOR THAT.
The system is loaded against us I’m afraid

Yes definitely. Looking back it seems so obvious. I don't know why we didn't explore earlier.

No, because I am as well and wasn't aware, and turns out my mum is too, so dd was just my completely neurotypical child as everything was the same as me and my mum

Turns out my mum has asd and inattentive adhd, I have combined type adhd and dd has asd and combined adhd

My daughter had a therapist for some unrelated things and she asked her to get assesed, and that's where it all started and we realised.

dd was diagnosed at 24, me at 41, my mum at 57

Have you spoken to your gp op?

I just want to point out to a PP saying 'I knew something was wrong with them' it's not wrong to having autism, ADHD, ASD...

I just see them as different. Please don't label them as wrong.

For anyone's interest, I do have a child with ADHD. And he is one awesome funny kid.

I have to say my DDs have a variety of ND conditions not noticeable enough so they flew under the radar and of course they are just like me... so yeah I'm going through the diagnostic process myself now.

Your DD sounds very similar to mine. She was diagnosed with ASD aged 7 or 8, and then ADHD at 12.

The ASD was not a shock to me - I had an instinct but it was only when the anxiety increased and increased that I felt I needed to 'do something'. It was a shock to DH (even on the assessment when I was thinking "well this is a slam dunk"). The ADHD was more of a surprise, but to be honest by the time we had got to this point we had collected a few diagnoses so less shockable :)

We went to the GP (having previously raised issues re anxiety) and were referred for an NHS referral. However, that is a LONG process so we went privately (to someone who was high up in NHS provision previously) and the NHS accepted their diagnosis on the basis of it being sound - and having met DD twice!

We have been back and forth with CAMHS and now have a private psychiatrist. The biggest issue for us is the mental health impact - DD is constantly masking which takes its toll. The best thing we did was to encourage her special interest, which is now a hobby which takes up a lot of time and quite frankly gets us out of the house.

As girls present so differently, they are often diagnosed much much later, so I wouldn't worry on that front. Just read as much as you can about ASD in girls, join local support groups (often on FB) and start the diagnosis process - trust me, it is a marathon not a sprint :)

For a long time I just thought I was a really shit parent. Looking back all the signs of adhd were there, but it was only after having my second that I realised it was him, not me.

My son was always “different”. I realised the difference was probably ASD when he was about 13. SENCO agreed but persuaded me it was not worth pursuing a diagnosis because he was coping well at school.

He didn’t cope with university though and was diagnosed at 20. He is immensely relieved and I wish I hadn’t left it so long.

Knew from very, very early on. Diagnosed at 2.5, very clear to everyone by then. DP went mad the first time I tried to tell him I thought there was something different about him when he was around 8 months old.

I don't know about always, but for a really long time I knew.
You can go private if you don't want to wait.
Read up on it if you haven't already and advocate like mad on your DDs support. We don't have a diagnosis yet but our school are fully on board, mindful and bending over backwards to accommodate my child's needs. Theyve been amazing.

From 15 months for both my kids in SEN schools. Amazingly even the severest passed his HV two year check inc his language. He was non verbal until 7

With my other two who are right on the borderline? I always saw the signs from about 3 but just couldn't accept it as a possibility. Either way if you see it or dont see it, it's there and impacts them. So my eldest, didnt see until year 6? Nothing done until.year 9-10 and his attendance was 60%. So what I'm saying is that his wheels fell off regardless.

However by year 8 it was practically impossible to get school or the NHS to see it. It took years and years. In fact it took from year 7-9 just to get a ADOS. My younger one was all diagnosed before they turned 7 and they have a much better shot at education because of that. I had time to get things in place. By year 7 times up in reality to get a ehcp in time to help much. Dont get me wrong can can get a ehcp post year 7 and they can help. But it requires a massive, massive struggle or for the child to totally out of school for a easier path at that age.

It's like if you find a lump in your boob. You can address it or ignore it. But it is what is and just ignoring it wont save you from.its truth.

Yes - I knew with older DS from very young - he was very quirky but displayed some unusual stuff when alongside peers from NCT - very early talker, taught himself to read and count, exceptionally good memory, echolalia in spite of good receptive and expressive language, very sensitive to noise and smells, extremely limited diet. Led to HFA diagnosis at 5 and his EHCP is now in place at age 8 - he’s in mainstream and at expected levels which seems good, especially since Pandemic was so disruptive. We were unable to homeschool at all - he is so resistant that it had me in tears.

Younger one was more obvious as he doesn’t speak, he stims and can’t understand any instructions. Referred at 2, diagnosis at 3.

Schools absolutely do and should intervene from earlier than 7 so push them on that.

My son’s school has been fantastic every step of the way - youngest is about to start nursery and they’re already in touch with inclusion to get funding and start his EHCP application.

I suspected from when Ds was a toddler. Never really engaged with other children, never settled in nursery, never slept, played in a very regimented way. Very advanced vocabulary and other skills way beyond his age. But, I didn't really know many other young children, so it took a while to realise that there was potentially something there.

I raised it numerous times through school, as he struggles with social and emotional skills, but as PP said, it wasn't until he started to cause issues at school with meltdowns and other behaviour that they progressed things. I felt that because he didn't need any academic support that they weren't particularly interested at first.
They have been brilliant since though.

He is now 9 and we have just started the assessment process for ASD, it's been about a 9 month wait since referral for us.

No, because DD was neurotypical for our family. I just thought she was a lot like my sister. We gradually joined the dots over time, from hating breastfeeding, difficulties with food, clothes, noise and textures, digestive issues, hyperlexia (reading and writing at 3) to clumsiness and ocial difficulties in Reception and not wanting to Learn Through Play but sit down and write and do maths, more social issues / bullying until we changed schools in Y5 and finally massive bullying, anxiety, school refusal and PTSD at an all-girls grammar.

The school pushed us for a hypermobility diagnosis at 10, then circumstances led to anxiety and hypersensitivity (12), PTSD and school phobia (13) and ASD (14). We are now exploring inattentive ADHD as well.

DD's diagnosis has led to us joining dots for other DCs and family members. DH was diagnosed with ADHD late last year, which has been life-changing. We have 4 DC with varying attention-difficulties and hypermobility, 3 with ASD (which clearly comes from me but I'm not pursuing a diagnosis) and additional dyspraxia (motor and cognitive), dyslexia and extreme sensory seeking and avoiding in various places.

This has all had to be done privately as GPs and schools were not prepared to listen. The DC were achieving averagely (but way below their own potential) and not causing trouble, so they weren't interested. We failed to get EHCPs on the same basis and the youngest two have been home educated for two years. The diagnoses have provided context and useful letters to wave at people, but it has been very hard for us as a family.

Mine wasn't diagnosed until just before secondary school. He was always bright, hit all milestones and a lot of the signs could just be put down to his age at the time or just being a bit quirky. His teacher did a training course on asd and then got him observed and it went from there. I've worked in SEN schools and still didn't realise, it has become more obvious the older he has got.

Dc1 was diagnosed aged 9. I raised concerns about asd aged 2 but I thought something wasn't quite right aged 8 months.

Dc2 was much more difficult. He had a lot of other problems and I didn't start to suspect he might have ASD until he was about 10. Currently aged 13 and undiagnosed.

Dc5 was obviously autistic from the beginning. I raised concerns when he was a few days old and he was diagnosed aged 6 years.

DS was diagnosed with ASD at 9 (referral ar 7) with dyspraxia and dyslexia at 8.

I knew I had a very tantrumy toddler!
He also had an incredible attention span and exacting vision of how he wanted things to be. He had a mild speech delay but was communicating normally when he started school. The "tantrums" persisted long past the toddler years and settled at about 5-6. At 7 he had some horrendous meltdowns over very mild triggers and that was the point that I sought referral and joined lots of dots together and was surprised at the picture that built up.

The dyslexia side was obvious very quickly, absolute cliché of traits and mismatched skills developing, and I was glad that the dyspraxia was picked up so readily.

You can't always tell. Sometimes something can feel a bit "off" but it takes professionals a lot of checking and analysis to diagnose so it's very understandable that in a child who masks/ has a decent level of function in a NT society, parents in the thick of it can struggle to recognise what's going on.

It's like if you find a lump in your boob. You can address it or ignore it. But it is what is and just ignoring it wont save you from.its truth.

Appreciate what you may be trying to say but it feels very wrong to compare an autistic child to a lump that's potentially life threatening!

Perhaps a better way of wording it is, your child is your same wonderful, loving child regardless of a diagnosis, but a diagnosis may help you to access support for them.

OP one thing I will say, to muddy the waters, is that getting a diagnosis for autism etc CAN actually make it harder to get support for mental health issues and anxiety, as professionals just assume the child's struggles are part and parcel of them being autistic and are less likely to refer them as a result.

Having said that, child mental health support in this country via CAMHS seems to be completely inadequate.

The advice I would give to any parent suspecting their child may be autistic or have additional needs is to start saving £ to pay for any help they may need.

And join some support groups to understand your child better.

I had an inkling early on. In fact, I think I posted on here about it.
Even when he was a toddler, he had a strange way of expressing emotions. It was almost as if he was acting. It's hard to explain.
His pre-school flagged up concerns when he was three and by school age it was fairly obvious he was autistic.
I wouldn't have him any other way. He's amazing. We laugh together and cuddle every day.

Yes. She is almost 9 and has just been diagnosed with ADHD and the process of assessing whether ASD/PDA is a factor in her behaviour too.

I had a thread when she was a toddler as she had a speech, language and developmental delay. She was discharged from speech therapy at 6 but lockdown and remote learning really opened my eyes into how much she struggled. School said she was fine when I had a meeting before the first lockdown but after getting her workbooks home the comments from the teacher said otherwise.

We didn't realise until DS was in y2 at school. I knew he was different before but didn't think much about it. At 3 he could add up 4 figure sums with me but I just thought he was exceptional at maths. He was very cuddly, happy at nursery part-time, easy at home. Only early signs were talking at home but not at nursery at 12 months and they said he watched children play rather than join in. At 3 they kept him back saying he had little sense of danger and also said staff loved cuddling him, he loved being cuddled. But mostly pretty normal, other than also he hated singing at playgroups and used to have hands over ears.

Started school and he hated it, it was the place of no cuddles and he really struggled, hit his teacher once when he felt unwell and ran off but she would shout at him and we thought just needed a different teacher. Then year 1 had a lovely teacher who would cuddle him and fine but she reported he was going under tables and way ahead at maths. Year 2 he had the senco as his part-time teacher and she raised autism. We were completely shocked at first but as he got older the differences have became more and more apparent and he is ASD. It does get easier to see the differences as they get older, he got obsessed with certain number, logarithms, bread, ducks, chickens etc and also found boys difficult, he would hide under tables and run off at school.

When we took him to a private school open day for secondary they said within the private system many children are undiagnosed and the primary heads have a code and write the child is quirky.

no, but I think that might be because I have since been diagnosed myself and i have now armchair diagnosed half my family, so I think sometimes when lots of the family are clearly ND, then a lot of stuff is just seen as normal, certainly until the school struggles really kick in

I think I suspected something around 10/11 months initially. My son was diagnosed with ASD just after his 3rd birthday, he’s almost 4 now.