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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cooking Dinner for DH!

75 replies

whychangethehabitofalifetime · 13/07/2021 18:51

DH has started his long awaited sports training again tonight he's not been for 18m.

Disclaimer: We have no big red flags, he's not an abuser, we've been together well over a decade and he is (usually!) a good man. This is a bit lightheaded but it also has annoyed me a bit.

I'm a sahm so I do most of the cooking (fine). Our children are preschool/just older so eat at 5pm and we usually eat when they're in bed about 7:30.

So I've already cooked the children's dinner, and will be cooking mine when children are asleep. He doesn't like what I've got. I do not mind chucking DH in a quick freezer dinner or bowl of soup if he rings me on the way home from training but tonight he actually expected me to cook him a proper dinner when he rings me at 9:30 (when I'm likely to be getting ready for bed!) to say he's on his way back!

I have some fresh spicy breaded chicken and I was going to do him that with some oven chips and beans. He said 'oh the chicken sounds nice but could I have it with some roasted mini potatoes and roasted Mediterranean veg?'

Erm, no! And he had a mild/medium sulk when I said no, either you have a quick oven/microwave dinner after training when it's late and I've already cooked or you sort your bloody self out!

YABU: You're a horrible wife, feed your man what he wants, the poor lamb
YANBU: You're not a chef and he is an entitled man child trying his luck!

OP posts:
tallduckandhandsome · 13/07/2021 20:43

Good on you, OP.

Original poster
whychangethehabitofalifetime · 13/07/2021 20:43

@toocold54

YANBU at all!! But I couldn’t deal with cooking twice let alone 3 times!! Are there any meals you can cook for all of you but serve the kids dishes at 5 and then re-heat yours and DHs at 7:30?
Yeah I do do this half the time. Things like bolognese, cottage pie, sausage casserole etc we just all have it just at different times or either they or us will have left overs the next day depending on what we're doing. My children are fussy little ratbags though, anything with a hint of spice for example they won't touch so if we want a curry or fajitas (or spicy chicken with Mediterranean potatoes and veg!) then we don't share because I'm not in the habit of watching the food I've cooked be snubbed, wailed at or thrown on the floor. Actually I was, for some time, until I gave up and fed them what they'll actually eat and accepted that sending them to bed with full tummies meant a good nights sleep! I don't however cook more than one dinner for them, they get what I know they'll eat and if they don't eat it then they don't, they get a boring slice or two of toast and no moaning (doesn't happen often).

As I said, eldest child is autistic with sensory issues around food and almost 3 year old is typically pushing boundaries. I don't make a fuss over food these days, eldest is improving slowly and youngest will grow out of it. We eat together later at weekends so they try new foods with us then.

OP posts:
FlowerArranger · 13/07/2021 20:44

"I hope ‘the look’ is a look of love and gratitude or else he’d be getting some oven chips chilli pepper up the arse for dinner"

mafted · 13/07/2021 20:45

I'm on the fence.
I wouldn't want to eat chicken, chips and beans but I wouldn't want to cook three times either.

laurenlodge · 13/07/2021 20:48

Isn't 'training' just a hobby? Don't let him get away with making it sound grander than it is.

YADNBU

Original poster
whychangethehabitofalifetime · 13/07/2021 20:48

@sadie9

Be careful. He seems to have started thinking you are his mother. Well done for nipping that in the bud.
Oh god, the horror. I already cringe when someone calls me Mrs X because to me that's my MIL Grin First name is just fine thanks!

I actually pointed out that SAHM stands for Stay at Home Mother, not Stay at Home Maid.

OP posts:
Zlk02 · 13/07/2021 20:52

FlowerArranger

"I hope ‘the look’ is a look of love and gratitude or else he’d be getting some oven chips chilli pepper up the arse for dinner"

No unfortunately, “the look” would be more along the lines of “what is this - do you think I’m a child? Woe is me. Look at how I am treated...”

mbosnz · 13/07/2021 20:53

@Zlk02

FlowerArranger

"I hope ‘the look’ is a look of love and gratitude or else he’d be getting some oven chips chilli pepper up the arse for dinner"

No unfortunately, “the look” would be more along the lines of “what is this - do you think I’m a child? Woe is me. Look at how I am treated...”

I'd be giving him dog food then. And pointing him to the kennel/dog house. . .
MilduraS · 13/07/2021 20:54

My DH always has to sort himself out after evening sports. If I'm feeling very generous, I stick a bread roll in the oven for his soup but that's about it. I actually like when he's out because I get to cook things I like that he doesn't.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/07/2021 20:56

You are a SAHM for the children during work hours.

You aren't a 24/7 maid for him. Do you have time consuming hobbies that require special food cooked by him on your way home?

Wilkolampshade · 13/07/2021 20:57

YANBU 100%
I am genuinely considering leaving my DH because after nearly 30 years of marriage I find myself chief cook and bottle washer, emotional prop, pretty much sole carer towards our DC's and all the fucking rest with no career and all for what? No sex, no shows of affection, public or otherwise, no chat, no warmth. Am basically a skivvy. Meantime, today for example, he's been out since 8a.m and won't be back till God knows as gone out fr a spontaneous dinner with work colleagues..... I have of course helped get myself where I am, and there are many many reasons why this is where we are but it's pretty bleak. Don't end up there.
In short, YANBU.

FartnissEverbeans · 13/07/2021 20:57

@Zlk02 I’d serve him up a Happy Meal for a laugh and give him his drink in a sippy cup

MinnieMountain · 13/07/2021 21:04

DH has hockey practice on a night that DS eats at MIL’s. I prefer not to cook that night (I work PT), so DH always sorts himself out from the freezer.

MarianneUnfaithful · 13/07/2021 21:29

could I have it with some roasted mini potatoes and roasted Mediterranean veg?'

This is very funny.

Bless!

FreeSpirits · 13/07/2021 21:36

@Greenlittle

I wouldn’t mind doing it. Parboiling some potatoes and roasting with some veg is easy.

My DH does a lot for me too. If I need or want something, he will really try to do it. And he brings me tea in bed every morning.

It just depends on your relationship

🙄
Original poster
whychangethehabitofalifetime · 13/07/2021 21:47

He is home. He has cooked his own dinner whilst I have a cup of tea in front of the telly.

He is eating spicy chicken, chips and beans! Which he would have had put in the oven for him, had he not been a knob.

He'll learn. I think he was just trying his luck because as I say we've been together over a decade and he's not tried this nonsense before!

OP posts:
wtfisgoingonhere21 · 13/07/2021 21:52

Love this thread op SmileGrin

My dh commented earlier that the only time he takes a roll for a snack at night (works nights)is if I make it because he never remembers to do it himself. Smile

Kept quiet and then about half an hour later I REMINDED him to make a roll of he wanted to eat tonight,smirked at him and walked off GrinGrinGrin

For the record he's normally very self sufficient however I've had a lot of furlough time over the last year or so and I think he's got too used to me being here

I also remind him organising the dc is one thing but organising another grown adult is a no no Grin

Original poster
whychangethehabitofalifetime · 13/07/2021 21:53

@Greenlittle

I wouldn’t mind doing it. Parboiling some potatoes and roasting with some veg is easy.

My DH does a lot for me too. If I need or want something, he will really try to do it. And he brings me tea in bed every morning.

It just depends on your relationship

Oh give over. It's obviously not hard. I'm sure you would, you're obviously kinder than me. ^ ^ Or perhaps you haven't been up since 5am, done two school runs, wrangled a bolshy 2 year old who has just dropped her nap all day and is newly toilet trained, dealt with a meltdown from a 5 year old with autism because I had to take her out of school before attending a hospital appointment (for her) and then another one when we got home, made breakfast and lunch for four people, dinner for three and fitted in two loads of washing, tidying up a huge playdoh mess and mopping the kitchen floor today too?

It's not hard no but quite frankly I can't be arsed when DH is perfectly capable of doing it himself.

OP posts:
User657849 · 13/07/2021 21:54

I’d be asking him to get a take out in his way home.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 13/07/2021 21:55

What's up with him? Chicken, chips and beans is the food of gods - I call it a kids tea. But yes, he's a cheeky sod. I wouldn't even warm the oven up for him next time if I were you.

Greenlittle · 13/07/2021 22:11

@whychangethehabitofalifetime, I was saying that I would do it, it truly is not a judgement in you.

I love cooking and DH rarely asks me to make him anything special, so I wouldn’t mind. But like I said, DH does a lot for me. He is rubbish at cooking, but he will happily clean floors, wash my car, bring me tea and toast in bed frequently.

Sorry you've had such a rubbish busy day! In that situation, my dh would probably get a takeaway for both of us and come home and pour me a wine and plate my dinner.

WeMarchOn · 13/07/2021 22:11

@Greenlittle unless you have autistic children you have no idea!!!
@whychangethehabitofalifetime well done, this isn't 1940 after all x

Original poster
whychangethehabitofalifetime · 13/07/2021 22:19

[quote Greenlittle]@whychangethehabitofalifetime, I was saying that I would do it, it truly is not a judgement in you.

I love cooking and DH rarely asks me to make him anything special, so I wouldn’t mind. But like I said, DH does a lot for me. He is rubbish at cooking, but he will happily clean floors, wash my car, bring me tea and toast in bed frequently.

Sorry you've had such a rubbish busy day! In that situation, my dh would probably get a takeaway for both of us and come home and pour me a wine and plate my dinner.[/quote]
Fair enough. I've made DH sound horrible on here and - although his behaviour was pretty horrible this evening - generally it's not. He's as hands on with the children as I am when he's not working and he does his share of the housework at weekends when it needs doing. I just try to get it done in the week so we can all have time off to have fun at the weekend.

Friday night is always our 'date night' at home. I cook us steaks or something a bit more special and we have a nice bottle of wine. He's getting us a takeaway this week, as a concession to his buffoonery.

OP posts:
Greenlittle · 13/07/2021 22:22

Hugs OP. Well done for drawing your boundaries. Glad he is responding positively. Enjoy your Friday and takeaway Wine

NowEvenBetter · 13/07/2021 22:30

If he can’t cope with his job, his hobby (‘training’ loool), parenting, and functioning on a base level as an adult he needs to figure out how to. How embarrassing.

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