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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds getting work

43 replies

Clappingforjoy · 13/07/2021 07:45

I am very concerned about 20 year old ds who is spending alot of time doing nothing and lying in bed until 1pm and staying up until 3am playing on PlayStation or tatting on his phone.
He has the occasional outing with friends and is meant to be going away end of this month but due to traffic light system its not certain to go ahead. He has finished college and worked very hard and is due to go away to university September and I am trying to get him to find work but he keeps saying its not worth it because he would literally be with them 2 months max before he goes off to uni.
I hate to see him stagnating in his room but he is been very difficult and grunts at me all of the time.aibu

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 13/07/2021 08:17

.

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60sbird · 13/07/2021 08:31

My son is 18, he finished sixth form this year and has worked full time since, first doing labouring for his big brother then when the hotel that he usually works part time in re-opened he’s been doing full time there, he actually spends almost all his time there working as he wants to save up some money for university in September, he also enjoys spending money he’s earned himself rather than asking us for it

Oblomov21 · 13/07/2021 08:44

I think this is an attitude problem. My ds is younger, had a job in Sainsbury's but they let all casuals go. Went for an interview at a restaurant chain, and then at screwfix and got the latter job.

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 13/07/2021 08:47

Oblomov attitude problem with the employer?

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Proudmumtoday · 13/07/2021 08:48

Where’s he getting his money from?

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 13/07/2021 08:49

Me and his df are funding him

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MrsFin · 13/07/2021 08:49

What does he use for spending money? Or does he not need any?

Proudmumtoday · 13/07/2021 08:49

So stop. That’ll soon motivate him.

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 13/07/2021 08:50

I didn't push him at college because he had a alot of course work to get through

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Aprilx · 13/07/2021 08:51

@Clappingforjoy

Me and his df are funding him
Easy answer then.

I think naturally I am a little on the lazy side if anything, but since a young age I have had a high motivation to work as my parents never funded me.

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 13/07/2021 08:53

Well its true I am a bit soft with him but many times when I've offered to buy him something he wants he will refuse and he never asks for anything

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lastqueenofscotland · 13/07/2021 08:54

Stop giving him money? He’s 20?!
He’d get a job in a hospitality role for a same day start so easily.

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 13/07/2021 08:55

He just keeps saying I can't wait to get to university and he will get a job in the city once there.

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EileenGC · 13/07/2021 08:58

Stop funding him. Of course he's not motivated to get a job, if he gets money for doing nothing that will obviously stay his preferred option.

We're not talking about a 17yo who is studying hard for his A levels which need to get him into Oxford (and even then). This is a 21yo who presumably isn't doing a 40h/week course, so has the time and - most likely - the physical ability to work.

At 21 I was doing a masters, working full time and living on my own in a foreign country. Had to manage all my finances and time, to make sure everything got done. At 21 others are raising babies or paying mortgages, he's definitely old enough to have some responsibilities. I wouldn't dream of asking or expecting my parents to fund me at that age.

EileenGC · 13/07/2021 09:00

@Clappingforjoy

He just keeps saying I can't wait to get to university and he will get a job in the city once there.
That's a bit different then. Does he at least help around the house? It is summer, so he might be treating it as an extended holiday, but I really hope he's doing his fair share of cleaning, laundry, cooking, and offering to ease you and his father's workloads.
lastqueenofscotland · 13/07/2021 09:00

It would be much easier for him to get a job in a pub/restaurant chain near you and then ask for a transfer to t he city he’s moving to rather than complete for a few hundred jobs with literally thousands of students who arrive and start looking…

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 13/07/2021 09:05

How much experience does he have of applying for and doing jobs?

When he gets to university competition for part time work may be strong. His best chance of finding work in the future is to get good stuff on his CV now.

As a potential employer, I'd pick someone who had worked in the summer rather than sat on their arse.

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 13/07/2021 09:13

He keeps saying that its not fair on a potential employer if he buggers off in a couple of months and he has to disclose he is off to uni and it will put them off employing him

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Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 13/07/2021 09:14

He is pinning his life on uni

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Els1e · 13/07/2021 09:14

Stop funding him. Turn off router. See the thread where the lady unplugged the router for a weekend. Did her boys the power of good. My nephew has just completed his college course and is off to university in Sept. He has worked part time at a major supermarket throughout his course and just increased his hours for over the summer. Also put in a transfer request for a store near his university. His current line manager has given my nephew an excellent reference which all helps. Getting work is all part of building independent living skills. Not easy for you and you are acting out of best of intentions but best for him. 💐

Orangesandlemons77 · 13/07/2021 09:17

I've a 16 yr old DS who has got a summer job after GCSEs. there seem to be plenty about. He's paying for his own trips out etc now and paid me back some money he owed me.

welshladywhois40 · 13/07/2021 09:18

I think it is a bit down to his motivation. I went to uni and always had summer jobs to make money for uni.

Also - depending on the employer he can transfer. I worked in a supermarket at home and then transferred to my uni town for term time.

The holiday would be more off putting for the employer

TooMinty · 13/07/2021 09:19

Or alternatively give him a list of stuff to do round the house in exchange for you funding him? Got any gardening you need doing/fences to be painted/clearing out to do? He could do the meal planning, food shop and cook - good practice for uni.

user1493494961 · 13/07/2021 09:19

Has he never had a job then?

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 13/07/2021 09:21

God would be world war 3 if I turned the router off problem is he isn't a child but a grown man I can't see me getting away with that really.

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