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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds getting work

43 replies

Clappingforjoy · 13/07/2021 07:45

I am very concerned about 20 year old ds who is spending alot of time doing nothing and lying in bed until 1pm and staying up until 3am playing on PlayStation or tatting on his phone.
He has the occasional outing with friends and is meant to be going away end of this month but due to traffic light system its not certain to go ahead. He has finished college and worked very hard and is due to go away to university September and I am trying to get him to find work but he keeps saying its not worth it because he would literally be with them 2 months max before he goes off to uni.
I hate to see him stagnating in his room but he is been very difficult and grunts at me all of the time.aibu

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 13/07/2021 09:24

He had a job in retail and also in a bar previously

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 13/07/2021 09:25

Sometimes he seems quiet moody etc
I have asked if he is okay in himself and he says he is fine

OP posts:
pinkcircustop · 13/07/2021 09:28

I think YABU. It’s only a couple of months until uni and you’re only young once.

You should stop funding him though. If he’s still okay with little to no money and no job after that then leave him be.

Roodicus21 · 13/07/2021 09:36

He needs to get himself a job. Has he ever had one? Where I live there are so many hospital jobs around which are generally flexible and easy to fall back into if he returns home first Xmas/ summers etc.

Calmdown14 · 13/07/2021 09:37

At least he has some experience of paid work then. There are a lot of places that need seasonal workers. Short term suits them too.
But if he isn't going to get paid work, can he not be doing things for you? Do you not have a fence that needs painting or grass to cut?
It does seem like it is less about the job though and more about getting him out and about

BarbaraofSeville · 13/07/2021 09:38

@Clappingforjoy

He keeps saying that its not fair on a potential employer if he buggers off in a couple of months and he has to disclose he is off to uni and it will put them off employing him
Lots of employers want extra staff in the summer to cover seasonal variations and because their regular staff are on holiday.

Or he could get a job with a national employer and then be in a good position to move in the autumn.

Do you know anyone who needs help with holiday childcare? He could do an au pair sort of role for the sort of inbetween age (8-12 ish?) who don't need formal childcare but can't be left alone for a full working day while their parents are at work. I'm sure someone would love a young adult to take them to parks, on bike rides, potter in the garden or just stare at screens all day while the parents are working.

How is he planning to top up his income while at university? Will his loans cover everything, will you be able to give him money, or is he going to need to earn something then? But even if you can afford to give him money, he shouldn't expect this and it's usually perfectly reasonable for students to work a few hours a week and more in holidays.

CheeseCrackersAndChutney · 13/07/2021 09:48

I don’t necessarily think he should get a full time job for the summer as he’ll spend a long time working once he’s finished uni but if he’s not working then he should for sure be spending more time out of the house having a life

Oblomov21 · 13/07/2021 10:47

No sorry. I meant from what you've said, laying around, playing x box (which my 2 do do a lot of aswell!!) just a typical layabout lazy attitude from a teen. I meant he hadn't really tried THAT hard, has he?

Branleuse · 13/07/2021 10:50

hes going to uni in sept and is on summer holiday. Isnt there plenty of time later for life to be shit?

MoreAloneTime · 13/07/2021 10:54

For the sake of 2 months I'd let it go given he's got plans for September. The suggestion to see if he could get a job at a chain with the possibility of transferring it is a good one though. Or else could he move to the uni area earlier or is there no flexibility with accommodation.

simbobs · 13/07/2021 10:55

I have a DS of the same age and he couldn't find work locally as every work application ended when they found out that he was a student. They only want to employ people who will be around longer. He has found a job in his uni city. Even if your DS can't find a job he should be doing something voluntary. It sounds as though he is just vegetating at the moment which is not good for his physical or mental health.

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 13/07/2021 11:09

He has the occasional trip up to his university town with a mate thats going there as well and they meet up with one thats already there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 13/07/2021 11:09

I agree simbobs

OP posts:
epponneee · 13/07/2021 11:34

just a different perspective- assuming he is generally hard working and isn't asking for lots of money to do stuff, maybe just let him be. It isn't that long until uni starts so a bit of time off now isn't the end of the world. and it might be the last chunk of time off he gets for a very long time!

ChainJane · 13/07/2021 11:39

YABU, he's about to go to university. There's no point flogging his guts out for a couple of months if he's not going to stick around in a job.

The time to seriously look for a job is once he's finished university.

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 13/07/2021 12:00

Thanks for some positive responses all

OP posts:
MrsFin · 13/07/2021 16:21

@Clappingforjoy

He just keeps saying I can't wait to get to university and he will get a job in the city once there.

Well that's fine then. But I wouldn't subsidise him in the meantime.

MrsFin · 13/07/2021 16:23

@Clappingforjoy

God would be world war 3 if I turned the router off problem is he isn't a child but a grown man I can't see me getting away with that really.

Who is paying for the router?

If he wants broadband/WiFi, maybe he should fund it himself.

OP -you need to grow a pair!!

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