Not to merge finances

[Whatsyoursismine]

Something came up elsewhere and I’d be interested in views….

DH and I don’t merge finances. I earn approx 3x more. We have a joint account that we pay into in proportion to our earnings for mortgage, bills, DCs stuff etc…

I work longer hours. I work harder. He could work harder but just isn’t motivated too (which is fine). He would accept I do 50% of childcare and children related stuff. I actually do more, but perhaps we can assume its 50/50 for present purposes.

Some people seem to think our finances should be merged. AIBU to think they shouldn’t. Obviously would be very different if he did more childcare/sacrified his career etc. But that’s not the case.

Hard hat on. Interested in thoughts…

YANBU. Although I suspect I may be in a minority saying that.

I agree with you only because you say he could do more but chooses not to.
Where partners work equally hard, long hours. Finances should be pooled or shared. It is not on for an earner to keep money whilst homemaker slogs guts out for no actually money - so gets less or none.

YANBU. So what works for you, OP. You will get loads of people drying double standards, but I don’t care, it’s tougher for women.

*Do

*crying

We have separate finances because I had dc already and prefer it's me who supports them!!

If you're both happy, why do you care what anyone else thinks?
I couldn't imagine having separate finances, but then DH and I are on the same wage and neither sponges off the other.

YANBU. As pp said, because your OH is disinclined to work more, unless there are other mitigating circumstances, I feel that’s fair.

YANBU. You can do what you want in your own relationship. I am glad that my husband and I have enough trust, communication and compatibility to merge everything but it wouldn't work for every relationship.

YANBU. Keep protecting yourself, put yourself first.

When you say it came up elsewhere, that was on your own thread.

Why are you so interested in views now, that you’ve started a new thread, when you specifically said you weren’t interested in people’s views on this on your other thread?

YANBU I haven't merged finances with my dh either

DH and I have been married nearly 20 years and don’t have a joint account.

YANBU, i'm in a very similar situation and can't see myself ever wantijg to merge finances.

I wouldn't dream of not sharing finances, what's mine is his and whats his is mine. Alqays been this way and works gor us.

Always

YANBU. We are married 10 years and still have separate finances. We have a joint account that we pay into for shopping, mortgage and some bills but we pay some separately also. I have less loans than hubby so I buy more for the kids. He'll give me money if I ask him for somethings as they are needed. I'm a bit of a shopaholic so I do buy them way more than they need. If it works for you I wouldn't give it a second thought.

@shivawn

YANBU. You can do what you want in your own relationship. I am glad that my husband and I have enough trust, communication and compatibility to merge everything but it wouldn't work for every relationship.

Loving the disingenuous responses on this thread 😂 'YANBU - because your relationship is clearly vastly inferior to mine'

@multivac Agreed

At the end of the day if you & your DH are happy with this arrangement & it works for you both then that's great

But I know if the sexes were reversed & it was the man earning 3 times as much as the woman & not wanting to share finances there would've uproar on here.

Marriage is a partnership & personally believe that finances should be shared.
But you do what's best & works for your relationship

Up to you but for me that wouldn't be a marriage.

Clue is in the name.

First, marriage is a contract and I don't understand why people get married if they object to one of the fundamental principles of the contract.

Second, I couldn't eat lobster while DH ate bread and water.

However if he's working part time and not sharing the chores appropriately, he's not contributing fairly either.

I've never really seen the point of merged finances personally.

YANBU OP but what does it mean in practical terms?
If most of your extra 'personal' earnings go into savings the money is benefitting both of you anyway. As presumably you'd use it in an emergency, or for retirement. So while you dont combine finances it's still shared.
If you use it to buy your own stuff then it really does benefit you only - there's nothing wrong with that. Of course you can't exactly go on expensive holidays or have meals out by yourself at the expense of your DP but you could want nicer things (my DP loves the latest gadgets, I have zero interest). No harm in that. If your DH wanted those he could go out and make more money himself.
So no YANBU at all

Yanbu. We are the opposite way round (though he earns 2x my salary not 3x) but merged finances but that's because we work equally hard. I think it would be a but cheeky if I had a job for an easy life or cut my hours to spend more time relaxing and expected him to subsidise that. I think if you pay bills in proportion to your finances though you are effectively already pooling finances / subsidising him