Have you been totally honest with your partner?

[Orangedots]

We were having a discussion at work about precious sexual partners and what we’ve each told our current partner/spouse. Rather mixed responses!

Have you been totally honest about your previous sexual experiences with your current partner/spouse.

YABU: my partner knows everything
YANBU: I may have exaggerated my past experience etc

No judgement either way, and your vote is anonymous.

If someone hasn’t been totally honest or made themselves out to be more experienced than they are, do you think you can still have an honest relationship?

He’s never asked. 23 years together. I don’t know why maybe he assumed he was my first. He very much wasn’t . I have talked about previous partners and situations but he has never followed up with specifics.

Your options in the vote are crap. For one, why would you assume people would ‘exaggerate’ their pasts? Have you minimal experience yourself?

I have not discussed ‘numbers’ with my husband because that was my life before him and none of his business. Inklings have come up over the years but nothing particularly specific. If anything I’d be minimising if we talked about it. 😂

I've never asked him, and he's never asked me. It's not something I want to know to be honest.

No my husband has never asked and ive never told him.
We share what we both want to share and can talk about absolutely anything. If my dh asked I would tell him but otherwise it is irrelevant to our life.

We’ve never discussed it.

I asked DP if he wanted to have the conversation at the start of our relationship and he didn’t so it’s never been brought up.

I know I’ve had a lot more ‘experience’ than him, but I’m not ashamed or embarrassed, I’d happily tell him if he wanted to know.
He’s the best sex I’ve ever had so I’ve got nothing to hide.

I think it is an insecure person who needs to hear the numbers and details of their partners history, next questions are, who was the best, who was the biggest, before you know it the jealousy is out.
I don't know whose number is bigger I'd assume it is his.

I'm a nosey cow and want to know everything, but I'm happy to be open about my past too, I see no point in lying, why pretend you're something/somebody you're not? If you're judged on it then why would you want to be with them anyway? I like to be warts and all, no worries, no surprises, nothing to hide.

Option D) DH was my first so there was nothing to tell! I know he had a couple of relationships before me but I've never felt the need for details.

I don't have anything to hide if he asked I'd be reluctant because my ex wanted every detailso he could cry and us it against me. DP knows about a few we'd laugh over or longterm ex partners.
1st was psychotic 2nd was jealous and insecure. DP is neither.

20 years with DH and it's never come up. I get the feeling he has a more colorful past to me, but neither of us have cared enough to discuss it.

DH knows everything given that I only had 1 sexual partner before him.
DH has had a fair few experiences in his past...I don't know every tiny detail about every partner, but stories come up now and again and it makes things interesting for me...I like finding out new things about DH. We have a laugh and/or shudder about them together!

Slow news day

We’ve been married 27 years. He knows most stuff but not all. I can guarantee there is stuff I don’t know and don’t need to. You don’t have to share everything with your partner.

Sharing your sexual history in all its glory does not equal having an honest relationship. My husband came to me as a fully formed adult in his thirties. All the experiences that he had prior to meeting me , belong to him. I actually like the fact that we don't share everything .

We've discussed a fair bit over the years that it's pretty much everything but I'm not sure I could quantify it as everything about me. I seem to keep coming up with new stories I haven't told before or at least ones neither us remember my having said.

I've never hidden or exaggerated with him - I have minimized with previous partners, but only to short flings where I wasn't going to be getting that vulnerable with them. I also did my best not to infodump it on him and to be honest, there are parts I'm aware I no longer remember - like I couldn't tell you the name of everyone I've had sex with - I've stories where it's just 'the pink haired girl' or 'the guy who was in the hotel room next to mine'.

I think plenty of people have honest relationship without going over all the details of their past. Not everyone is interested in discussing those sorts of things and it's not always a respectful time to do so. As teen-me used sex for fun, escapism, a love-substitute and a method of self-harm, adult-me has had to learn that stories that feel light to me might be really heavy for others or sting a bit if I'm breezily discussing something I've done when in a period where either my spouse or I is having very low libido or where those same experiences and medical issues since have resulted in my having some sex-related anxiety. I think it's more complicated than telling everything or someone is being dishonest.

He's had the outline & the odd amusing anecdote if relevant or just too damn funny not to share, such as "this is why we don't use mint lube". He doesn't want or need to know every detail.

Similarly, I've had the outline and the occasional relevant or too damn funny anecdote, such as "the time her new kitten crept in and attacked my bum with needle claws during the deed". He has had some issues with medication and with his foreskin, so we have talked through how some one particular spiteful bitch previous partners have handled it and made him feel, but I've let him tell me. I don't save or need to know every stroke.

@pooonastick

Sharing your sexual history in all its glory does not equal having an honest relationship. My husband came to me as a fully formed adult in his thirties. All the experiences that he had prior to meeting me , belong to him. I actually like the fact that we don't share everything .

I agree. I don't actually want to know.

I know he has had a past before me as have I. I don't want to know about it.