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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Devastated by England losing

71 replies

Footballsadness · 12/07/2021 18:41

I don't even like football. I was oblivious to the fact the Euros was even on until we reached the final. I literally know the names of about 2 players. And yet I stayed up to watch the game yesterday and have felt like crying ever since. I just feel so sad for the players. And so sad for Gareth Southgate given his history with penalties.

I just cannot shake off this horrible sadness. Am I menopausal? Harbouring undiagnosed depression? Who the fuck knows! I just don't understand why this game of football has affected me so much.

Anyone else feeling the same?

OP posts:
Overdon · 12/07/2021 22:17

I was so devastated in 1990 when we went out on penalties in the semi final with Germany, I vowed never to get so emotionally involved with England ever again.

I think the nation puts too much pressure on our players, I turned the TV off last night when it went to penalties, I just knew it wouldn’t end well.

Pedalpushers · 12/07/2021 22:31

I was the same yesterday, really just inconsolable and so gutted. I'm normally a realist and for some reason I got caught up in the hype and set myself up to be disappointed and it really hit hard.

jacks11 · 13/07/2021 01:15

@DrDresaid

I wasn’t aiming to make OP “feel better“- I am fed up of the hyperbole surrounding a football match, albeit a major tournament. It’s fine to be disappointed about losing, it’s a shame if your team don’t win (though if the English media could contain themselves until they have actually won the tournament it would be appreciated by some of us), but “heartbroken” or “devastated” and. “It’s a tragedy”? Really? I think it is OTT and ridiculous. I think anyone using these terms does need to get a grip.

You know what is a tragedy? Today I had to tell a young man and his wife that he has an incurable, inoperable diagnosis and will not live to see his youngest child’s first birthday or his older child’s first day at school. He and his wife are utterly and completely devastated. Understandably so. This hyperbole over a match is unedifying. Today I also told another patient that they have a progressive degenerative disease which medication can stall, but not cure, and will eventually kill them. But before it does that, it will give them significant symptoms which will have a huge impact on their quality of life. They are essentially living with a death sentence, of unknown duration. That patient is also “devastated”. So, you’ll have to try to forgive me for not having a huge amount of patience with this ridiculous notion of England losing a football match being a complete tragedy which requires national mourning.

I think your team losing a sodding football match is not a tragedy, it’s a disappointment. So, I cannot muster any sympathy for the OP. I feel sorry for the footballers who are being racially abused- that is awful and completely unacceptable. However, I don’t feel sorry for them because they missed a penalty- nobody was seriously harmed and those 3 footballers will still have their jobs to go back to at the end of this (and most likely will still have a place in the national team in the future), they will still be very well paid, and will still be feted as “hero’s” for simply doing their job very well- so whilst I’ve no doubt they’ll be upset and have their regrets, I do think in the grand scheme of things that they are doing ok and will probably be better off in the long run than most.

HmmmmmmInteresting · 13/07/2021 01:18

@jacks11 well said

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 13/07/2021 01:50

I was rooting for Italy to win and I still felt a bit tearful for those England lads when their penalties were saved/missed. It’s just what happens when you have empathy, and I think for mums it’s even harder because you don’t just feel for him, but for his family, and all the kids who look up to him etc. It’s many-layered. I thought I’d be delighted to see Italy win, but penalties is just such an unfair way for it to go, and the poor sportsmanship from Italy didn’t help either. It all just felt very unfair in the end.

FWIW I lost a small tournament (not football!) in a ‘sudden death’ final which relied purely on luck not skill. I was gutted to have come second in that way. Had I played and lost that would have been acceptable, but having it come down to the equivalent of penalties for the final was so annoying and I still feel robbed years later!

DrDresaid · 13/07/2021 07:30

[quote jacks11]@DrDresaid

I wasn’t aiming to make OP “feel better“- I am fed up of the hyperbole surrounding a football match, albeit a major tournament. It’s fine to be disappointed about losing, it’s a shame if your team don’t win (though if the English media could contain themselves until they have actually won the tournament it would be appreciated by some of us), but “heartbroken” or “devastated” and. “It’s a tragedy”? Really? I think it is OTT and ridiculous. I think anyone using these terms does need to get a grip.

You know what is a tragedy? Today I had to tell a young man and his wife that he has an incurable, inoperable diagnosis and will not live to see his youngest child’s first birthday or his older child’s first day at school. He and his wife are utterly and completely devastated. Understandably so. This hyperbole over a match is unedifying. Today I also told another patient that they have a progressive degenerative disease which medication can stall, but not cure, and will eventually kill them. But before it does that, it will give them significant symptoms which will have a huge impact on their quality of life. They are essentially living with a death sentence, of unknown duration. That patient is also “devastated”. So, you’ll have to try to forgive me for not having a huge amount of patience with this ridiculous notion of England losing a football match being a complete tragedy which requires national mourning.

I think your team losing a sodding football match is not a tragedy, it’s a disappointment. So, I cannot muster any sympathy for the OP. I feel sorry for the footballers who are being racially abused- that is awful and completely unacceptable. However, I don’t feel sorry for them because they missed a penalty- nobody was seriously harmed and those 3 footballers will still have their jobs to go back to at the end of this (and most likely will still have a place in the national team in the future), they will still be very well paid, and will still be feted as “hero’s” for simply doing their job very well- so whilst I’ve no doubt they’ll be upset and have their regrets, I do think in the grand scheme of things that they are doing ok and will probably be better off in the long run than most.[/quote]
Telling someone to get a grip about something that has obviously effected them regardless of what it is is quite mean and heartless.

malificent7 · 13/07/2021 07:38

I do think we should give ourselves a massive cheer for coming second and playing well against Italy who are clearly a superior team. Also i think we should try and banish this racist abuse and unsportsmanlike extreme nationalism.

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/07/2021 07:40

I wonder if it’s more a case of brief hopes being dashed after an awful year?

Unsoliciteddeckpic · 13/07/2021 08:10

[quote jacks11]@DrDresaid

I wasn’t aiming to make OP “feel better“- I am fed up of the hyperbole surrounding a football match, albeit a major tournament. It’s fine to be disappointed about losing, it’s a shame if your team don’t win (though if the English media could contain themselves until they have actually won the tournament it would be appreciated by some of us), but “heartbroken” or “devastated” and. “It’s a tragedy”? Really? I think it is OTT and ridiculous. I think anyone using these terms does need to get a grip.

You know what is a tragedy? Today I had to tell a young man and his wife that he has an incurable, inoperable diagnosis and will not live to see his youngest child’s first birthday or his older child’s first day at school. He and his wife are utterly and completely devastated. Understandably so. This hyperbole over a match is unedifying. Today I also told another patient that they have a progressive degenerative disease which medication can stall, but not cure, and will eventually kill them. But before it does that, it will give them significant symptoms which will have a huge impact on their quality of life. They are essentially living with a death sentence, of unknown duration. That patient is also “devastated”. So, you’ll have to try to forgive me for not having a huge amount of patience with this ridiculous notion of England losing a football match being a complete tragedy which requires national mourning.

I think your team losing a sodding football match is not a tragedy, it’s a disappointment. So, I cannot muster any sympathy for the OP. I feel sorry for the footballers who are being racially abused- that is awful and completely unacceptable. However, I don’t feel sorry for them because they missed a penalty- nobody was seriously harmed and those 3 footballers will still have their jobs to go back to at the end of this (and most likely will still have a place in the national team in the future), they will still be very well paid, and will still be feted as “hero’s” for simply doing their job very well- so whilst I’ve no doubt they’ll be upset and have their regrets, I do think in the grand scheme of things that they are doing ok and will probably be better off in the long run than most.[/quote]
Really? I know medical professionals have had an awful year. But don't you have any empathy apart from people who aren't in the worst situation.

I am Irish and mixed race. I didn't watch the game, I was travelling yesterday for work and had an early night. Fireworks woke me up so I did see the penalties, but can't comment on the whole game.

Read this thread, people aren't just upset about England lost a game. I was sat, I had empathy with with the young men playing. I had real concern for the 3 young back men who took penalties. Not because they lost a game. I didn't even need to say anything. My white, English, dp said 'someone needs to protect those lads. It's shouldn't happen, but it will'. He was disappointed, not devastated. But was he was concerned about what was the awful stuff that was going to happen.

Most people recognise, that those lads were vulnerable to verbal attacks and potentially worse. Its another reminder to us that our skin colour, means we are more vulnerable to abuse. Lots of PoC recognise that not matter how well we do, when we have additional things to worry about.

I was in an abusive relationship. I was so grateful that dp wouldn't abuse me. That made me sad. That somewhere inside I still feel grateful dp isn't an abuser rather than it being the default.

Earlier on Sunday I felt quite upset at the people fighting before the game. The twats that, tried to force their way into Wembley nearly stopping the game, probably ruined future bids for England and clearly don't really care about the game at all. Their arrogance just told them they had a right to be there. And yet again, England fans look like thugs when the majority are not. I knew other countries, would make a big thing about it because its England. Despite their own fans not being much better. Again making thousands of people look like hooligans, when they most aren't.

And after the last year, when people are feeling sad, angry, stressed etc its unlikely to be just about that one things. And surely, a medical professional should know that. Have you never seen your patients get really annoyed or upset of something trivial. Surely you know, it's not about the trivial thing?

I cried on my 37th birthday. The entertainment for my birthday was a dog walk. I didn't see my parents or anyone because it was in lockdown. I rarely celebrate my birthday anyway. Dp was taken aback because I don't really cry, until he realised I cried because

My dad worked in the NHS and I was worried he would catch covid and die. Or he would bring it home to my shielding mum and she would die. But neither of them would be separated. And they wouldn't put their kids at risk by staying with them. Mum was especially upset at thought of being separated from dad.

Because most of the company I worked for was furloughed. The SLT team were working 15 hours a day, trying to ensure we could open the doors again or 2000 people were going to lose their jobs.

The day before I had spent 2 hours on the phone with an employee and friend whose adult niece had died, leaving 3 small children and then her sister in law had also died. I couldn't hug her or comfort her. Just sit on the phone while she talked and cried.

Because Dp got made redundant just before lockdown and if my company didn't stay open, we were in the shit.

I also cried because although I was going through some crap, I had it better than most. That upset me too. Then I got mad because I was upset when so many people did have it worse. And felt like I was pathetic.

Luckily, dp understood and had empathy. Luckily, some posters here did (on a long running thread), my dad understood when I called him.

It really not rocket science to work out that OP, probably, isn't this upset just about the football.

After the last 18 months, the football represented something exciting to people, something (finally) to get excited about. Something distracting. It wasn't really just about the football.

NightoftheLivingBread · 13/07/2021 08:13

It's been really emotional watching the country coming together and seeing them do so well and the growing excitement and expectation as they progressed through the tournament. I'm really proud of them and what they achieved. It was so close and on Sunday and yesterday I felt genuinely a bit sad about the disappointment. But I think overall they performed amazingly and did the country proud.

mogsrus · 13/07/2021 08:18

wonder why people feel devastated over a game? they still get paid win or lose it affects absolutely no ones personal life ever.move on

Oblomov21 · 13/07/2021 08:38

Big football fan for my whole life. Having had such highs and lows you take it all with a pinch of salt and you see it as just another part of your football journey.

Didn't like the 3 young lads backlash though. That really hacked me off.

Whatafustercluck · 13/07/2021 08:46

I was gutted, felt very deflated. But then you have to remember that they're a young side and have already come so far. They play with a passion and fire in their bellies, the likes of which I've not seen for many years. They've gone further than any England side for 55 years. The future is incredibly bright - each tournament they edge a little closer. And the World Cup is only next year!

I was far more devastated waking up to the news about the racism those remarkable players have been subjected to - egged on from the highest echelons of government. Johnson and Patel have a lot to answer for. I don't recognise my country and am sick to death of the George Cross being hijacked by the far right.

MostlyNormalSometimesOdd · 13/07/2021 08:50

To be honest I'm not surprised you feel the way you do after the past 18 months.
Everything's been so restricted, things are starting to open up again, and the media's been ramming it down everyone in the UK's throats that football was coming home. It was inescapable, relentless, it seeped into every news story and coverage of other sporting events, so when football went to Rome instead of coming home a lot of people are left feeling like a child who gets told on Xmas eve that Santa won't be coming tomorrow and he's all made up.
Chin up though, stiff upper lip and all that

MostlyNormalSometimesOdd · 13/07/2021 08:52

@Waxonwaxoff0

I do feel sad for the players because they're such lovely lads. I've never thought that about previous England teams.
Yeah, like that nice Jack Grealish going to parties during lockdown and crashing his car pissed on the way home. Nice lads
worktrip · 13/07/2021 09:25

I think it was a lovely dream at the end of a pandemic nightmare, and that dream being taken away in such a gut wrenching way is why it is so upsetting

BastardMonkfish · 13/07/2021 10:07

Yes the great Jack Grealish, who stood back and let the young inexperienced lads take the penalties. What a hero.

Kanaloa · 13/07/2021 10:15

Is it possible it’s really about something else? A couple of years ago I was going through a difficult time with my son and his school and diagnosis, when my Asda delivery phoned me to say they’d arrived (early, I was out.) I started sobbing that I’d missed it when really it was just a mild inconvenience.

Sometimes I think it’s easier to explore difficult feelings through something minor rather than looking at the big reasons we might be feeling a bit down.

LetsGoFlyAKiteee · 13/07/2021 11:27

@BastardMonkfish

Yes the great Jack Grealish, who stood back and let the young inexperienced lads take the penalties. What a hero.
Tbf it wasn't his decision. Manager choses who takes the penalties/orders etc and he has said he would've taken one if given the chance. Guess he was further further the line.
Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/07/2021 15:53

@BastardMonkfish

Yes the great Jack Grealish, who stood back and let the young inexperienced lads take the penalties. What a hero.
He wanted to take a penalty. You can see a video of Southgate asking him and him nodding. It's not his choice, it's the manager's choice and he didn't end up picking him.
Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/07/2021 15:57

@MostlyNormalSometimesOdd I don't know anyone who hasn't broken some kind of lockdown rule so I don't care about that. Didn't know he was caught drink driving, that is shit behaviour.

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