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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want some time away from my 3 year old?!

35 replies

Foxglove1989 · 12/07/2021 16:59

I hate being a parent. I can’t even go to the toilet by myself. My almost 3 year old follows me everywhere at the moment, it’s so draining. I’d love to just go away for the night and leave him with his dad, but he’s so attached to me. I feel suffocated.
My friend has actually just invited me for 2 nights away for her hen weekend, it’s next month, but I’ve got this fear my DS will be screaming and crying the entire time.
My DP got some ‘time away’ a couple of weeks ago, as I took him away with my parents for 3 days. But I never get any time.
I feel like just running away Sad

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 12/07/2021 17:01

Why can’t you go on the hen do? Of course you can go away and leave him with his dad!

Ooodlesofboodles · 12/07/2021 17:01

Go, he will be fine with his dad. My toddler is exactly the same but if I'm not about he soon settles in with DH. I'd try a single night away beforehand if you can. He is old enough to understand mummy is coming back after 2 sleeps.

fitzbilly · 12/07/2021 17:02

Go on the hen do. He won't even the whole time. He's old enough to understand.

WeatherSystems · 12/07/2021 17:03

Go! He won’t cry the entire time, and if he’s upset it’s a great opportunity to let his dad learn how to comfort him and for DS to learn that he’s safe and cared for with his other parent too.

Di11y · 12/07/2021 17:04

This weekend away sounds just right, you need a break, the toddler needs to learn to be away from you.

GrrrlPwr · 12/07/2021 17:05

Go! Turn your phone off! Child and husband will cope. You need a break

AryaStarkWolf · 12/07/2021 17:06

Go, he might cry when you're leaving but he will settle down I'm sure, he needs to be OK with staying with his dad too

Mummytomylittlegirl · 12/07/2021 17:06

Lock the door when you go to the bathroom!

You should go. Your little one will be fine. 3 year olds are resilient and will understand, it will be nice for them to spend some time together. Smile Stop guilting yourself. Does he go to nursery or pre school?

milinhas · 12/07/2021 17:15

Go on the hen do - you will be being an excellent parent by giving him an opportunity to bond more with his dad and increase his independence. Plus, you’ll be refreshed and able to give more attention to your DC the next week. It’s genuinely completely the right thing to do.

Original poster
Foxglove1989 · 12/07/2021 17:16

@Mummytomylittlegirl he goes to nursery two full days a week. He’s fine once he’s there, but always cries at drop off (it’s me who drops him) and tries to run off.

OP posts:
Livpool · 12/07/2021 17:17

My DS was like that at age 3 too. It is exhausting. He is 5 now and still clingy to me but nowhere near as bad.

Definitely go on the hen do - it will help your son too

aabidah86 · 12/07/2021 17:19

I put YABU because you can ABSOLUTELY leave him with his dad to go to the hen party.

PotteringAlong · 12/07/2021 17:51

Do you work? If he’s in nursery 2 days a week you get that time then. You say yourself he’s fine when you’ve gone. Why would he not be fine once you’ve left for the hen do?

Original poster
Foxglove1989 · 12/07/2021 21:36

@PotteringAlong I do work those two days.
I guess I’m worried because it’s overnight and he’s used to me being there in the morning for a cuddle.

OP posts:
NonShallot · 12/07/2021 21:40

Does you DH ever have him on his own? What about on weekends/evenings? You need to start asking your DH for some down time and for him to do things on his own with DS. I am a SAHM and my DD is two, I regularly make sure I have an evening out or a weekend afternoon to myself to have some along time. Otherwise it can get overwhelming.

Go and enjoy your hen do, your DS will be fine and your DH can do the morning cuddles whilst you're away.

AlohaMolly · 12/07/2021 21:44

I felt exactly the same when DS(5) was that age. It was then that I realised I was at the stage that I needed a break. I’d done nearly all of the bedtimes since he was born and I honestly might as well have been a single parent despite living with DP.

When DS was 3.5, I booked myself a single night a couple of hours away and it was wonderful. I would have done it again but, you know, Covid.

DS was fine!

Could you book some time off work so you go the night before DS goes to nursery and then you have a full day the next day too before picking him up?

girlmom21 · 12/07/2021 21:48

Go on the hen do!

Blippibloppi · 12/07/2021 21:52

Go go go go go go! He'll be fine.

We left my clingy 3.5yo with his GPs a couple of months ago and he didn't even ask for me apparently. Might leave him there more often.

GettingUntrapped · 12/07/2021 21:54

You have needs too. After three years you need a break. It's very easy to lose your sense of self in motherhood. Put up boundaries, protect yourself.

CoffeeDay · 12/07/2021 21:55

Three is definitely old enough and you deserve the time off! DD is 2.5 and has recently started staying overnight with her grandparents and it's completely restored my sanity after the gruelling lockdown year.

A friend of ours is a child psychologist and says young children don't have the same sense of time as adults. So even though they might cry when you leave or if they randomly miss you, they won't "suffer" more because you leave them for 1 day, 3 days or a week. If you can safely entrust your DS to someone then you should absolutely go enjoy yourself guilt-free.

Wherediditgo · 12/07/2021 22:16

I have a DS about this age, OP.
His dad has taken him to see his family for 2 weeks.
I miss him like mad but MY GOD am I enjoying the time to myself. DS is absolutely fine - he is having the time of his life!

YANBU to want a break and you should absolutely have one! Parenting is exhausting!

20viona · 12/07/2021 22:22

Definitely go on the Hen do. My two year old has recently become really clingy it's driving me mad.

Youdiditanyway · 12/07/2021 22:26

Go on the hen do, you need to recharge.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/07/2021 23:14

Go on the hen do. Because it will be good for 1) you 2) your dc 3) your dh. So, everyone.

PotteringAlong · 13/07/2021 07:24

@Foxglove1989 you cannot not go just because you won’t be there for a morning cuddle. You are doing yourself, him and your DH (who might really want the time with him!) no favours.

But, if you don’t go, then you also cannot complain about not having any time away from him. You’re being offered exactly what you want and are putting blockers in the way. You don’t get it both ways.