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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with SIL

40 replies

CypressHill · 12/07/2021 15:48

Okay, this is really nothing serious, but I think I just want to write it down before I can let it go and never bring it up again. This is the situation:

My niece was born three months ago; she is my brother and sister-in-law's first kid. I have a boy and a girl - my girl is 18 months, but we live abroad and due to corona she has yet to meet her uncle and aunt.

Anyway, my daughter got lots of clothes from friends and family when she was born and she grew out of the first sizes quickly, so we ended up with a whole suitcase full of unworn or barely worn clothes. During the pregnancy I asked my (fashion conscious) SIL if she'd be interested in them, and sent her pictures, because I felt not everything was her style. (I knew my brother would not care.) She told me she liked all the clothes, and would be happy to have them, and so I shipped them over. Anyway, we got daily photos of niece during the first few months, but never in any of the outfits we passed on. I asked her the other day if she would like the next size (6-9 months), but this time she told me she found all the clothes cheap looking (it's mostly M&S, John Lewis, Next and such), and so she donated them to charity, because that is what I would have done otherwise anyway (as I told her).

I guess it's a good thing they will make someone else happy and SIL is not dressing my niece in clothes she does not like, but I am still annoyed that she did not tell me in the first place, and I am also strangely hurt she called my daughter's clothes cheap-looking. At least she's honest now & I know I should let it go anyway, but AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 12/07/2021 15:51

That is annoying and rude, but you are right that you need to let it go and never bring it up again.

mancarose · 12/07/2021 15:53

I don't think you need to be annoyed, it's her first and you know how we all are with our first, they have to have the best clothes ect, she probably just has a different style to yours and that's fine. If you spoke to her and told her you were going to donate them to charity anyway, she thought you wouldn't be bothered about what she did with them. I accepted no hand me downs with my first but with my second I got them allllll 😂😂

Toucan123 · 12/07/2021 15:55

The "cheap-looking" comment was really rude of her. I'd feel pretty offended by that 😟

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 12/07/2021 15:59

With DD2 (DC3) my aunt kept bringing me clothes from the NCT sale, which were obviously her taste rather than mine. She really didn't feel like my baby. That was probably to do with my autism though, it just didn't feel right to see her in these clothes.

SpindleWhorl · 12/07/2021 16:00

Oh come on, she has (a) wasted your time and money, (b) insulted your baby's clothes, and your taste, as 'cheap looking'.

I'd probably not bother with her again, and just communicate via my brother, if I were in your shoes. I can't be doing with that kind of lazy snobbery.

IDontReadEyebrows · 12/07/2021 16:01

I think it’s fair to be annoyed as she’s basically said your taste/what your child has been dressed in is “cheap looking.” Cheeky cow.

MouldyPotato · 12/07/2021 16:02

That's just rude. I can understand her not wanting the clothes once she'd got them but there's no need for that dig at your fashion sense.

Youdiditanyway · 12/07/2021 16:03

Wow, how rude! She easily could have politely turned the clothes down perhaps saying they already had enough or whatever. Instead she accepted them then told you she didn’t use them because she thought they were horrible. How awful. I’d never help her out again.

saraclara · 12/07/2021 16:04

it's her first and you know how we all are with our first, they have to have the best clothes ect,

We all are not like that, @mancarose For starters "we" can't all afford the best. I'd have been thrilled with M&S when my babies were small, and John Lewis would have been an aspiration I could never reach.

Absolutely nothing excuses her telling OP that the clothes were cheap looking. Absolutely nothing.

And OP is a better person than I. Having paid to ship that stuff after sending the photos for her approval, no way would I have let that comment pass.

MouldyPotato · 12/07/2021 16:09

She should have offered to refund your postage and not insulted you

Danikm151 · 12/07/2021 16:22

Frankly I'd have been grateful for all the clothes. My son had plenty of hand me downs and with reflux and weaning, he got through a lot.

I think your SIL should have just been honest and not had you make the effort of sending the clothes over. I've been donated plenty of clothes and graciously accept every time.
Her comment of they looked cheap- is she a millionaire?

cstaff · 12/07/2021 16:25

I would think that she was trying to avoid hurting your feelings by not passing any comment initially. When you asked if she wanted the second lot of clothes she was probably trying to save you the cost of sending them. I don't think there was any badness intended, just different taste.

QueeniesCroft · 12/07/2021 16:26

It's bad enough to insult your taste and imply that what was good enough for you is nowhere near good enough for her, but to let you pay the (probably substantial) overseas shipping costs was just awful.

saraclara · 12/07/2021 16:30

@cstaff

I would think that she was trying to avoid hurting your feelings by not passing any comment initially. When you asked if she wanted the second lot of clothes she was probably trying to save you the cost of sending them. I don't think there was any badness intended, just different taste.
How about her responding with "thanks, that's really kind of you to offer. But I think we'll be fine for clothes for this age"

How on earth can you think that "no thanks, I found all your clothes too cheap looking" is an appropriate way of responding?

CoolCatTaco · 12/07/2021 16:33

She was incredibly, deliberately rude. At least you know who she is now.

Arsebucket · 12/07/2021 16:37

M&S, John Lewis abs Next cheap looking?!

Is she just a snob?

Christ, I can only dream of buying my kids clothes from those places - mine get used supermarket brand bundles from ebay Grin

catmothertes1 · 12/07/2021 16:46

@Arsebucket

M&S, John Lewis abs Next cheap looking?!

Is she just a snob?

Christ, I can only dream of buying my kids clothes from those places - mine get used supermarket brand bundles from ebay Grin

Exactly what I thought too!

Where on earth is she getting her baby clothes from? Dior and St Laurent?

coconutpie · 12/07/2021 16:46

YANBU. Your SIL just said that the clothes you dress your child in are cheap!!! That is very insulting.

coconutpie · 12/07/2021 16:46

And also, how the hell are the likes of Next, M&S and John Lewis considered cheap looking??!!!

Original poster
CypressHill · 12/07/2021 16:50

There was some Asda & Tesco in there too. ;-)

She shops at Zara and such as well, so I think it's a look rather than a cost issue. She's much more of a feminine person than I am, and I know she feels I have no sense of style, but we've always got on otherwise, so not looking to break ties over this.

OP posts:
Nohomemadecandles · 12/07/2021 16:52

Christ she's rude. It would have been fine to decline- we don't all want 2nd hand for our kids and that's ok. But that's unkind. You poor thing.

If I'm honest, there's nothing more "cheap" looking than babies dressed head to toe in kids' designer clothes. Baby Boss, I'm looking at you!

Katshouldnotswim · 12/07/2021 16:53

I think it’s great news.

At least you now know where you stand with her and you don’t need to make any effort with her in the future should you so decide

Seren20 · 12/07/2021 17:09

Yes, it’s rude. If she didn’t like the clothes then she really should have said before you incurred the cost of sending things over. But, yeah, it’s not really a big deal, just quite annoying!

Still, now you know not to bother offering baby things in the future. I wonder if she might change her mind once the realities of the long term costs associated with children kick in?! Smile

Original poster
CypressHill · 12/07/2021 17:56

Thanks all. It is good to know I am not being too sensitive.

OP posts:
ConsuelaHammock · 12/07/2021 18:30

What job does she have that she thinks m and s , John Lewis etc are cheap looking? Her behaviour says more about her than you.