To be annoyed with SIL

[CypressHill]

Okay, this is really nothing serious, but I think I just want to write it down before I can let it go and never bring it up again. This is the situation:

My niece was born three months ago; she is my brother and sister-in-law's first kid. I have a boy and a girl - my girl is 18 months, but we live abroad and due to corona she has yet to meet her uncle and aunt.

Anyway, my daughter got lots of clothes from friends and family when she was born and she grew out of the first sizes quickly, so we ended up with a whole suitcase full of unworn or barely worn clothes. During the pregnancy I asked my (fashion conscious) SIL if she'd be interested in them, and sent her pictures, because I felt not everything was her style. (I knew my brother would not care.) She told me she liked all the clothes, and would be happy to have them, and so I shipped them over. Anyway, we got daily photos of niece during the first few months, but never in any of the outfits we passed on. I asked her the other day if she would like the next size (6-9 months), but this time she told me she found all the clothes cheap looking (it's mostly M&S, John Lewis, Next and such), and so she donated them to charity, because that is what I would have done otherwise anyway (as I told her).

I guess it's a good thing they will make someone else happy and SIL is not dressing my niece in clothes she does not like, but I am still annoyed that she did not tell me in the first place, and I am also strangely hurt she called my daughter's clothes cheap-looking. At least she's honest now & I know I should let it go anyway, but AIBU to be annoyed?

** Oh come on, she has (a) wasted your time and money, (b) insulted your baby's clothes, and your taste, as 'cheap looking'.

I'd probably not bother with her again, and just communicate via my brother, if I were in your shoes.**

^This. Your SIL was rude. Don’t bother with her anymore.

It was a bit rude to call them cheap looking, but she’s got a 3 month old baby and may not be at her best in terms of being tactful.

I would guess she was trying to let you know not to go out of your way to save/send stuff rather than trying to be deliberately hurtful.

I see why you find it offensive. It was rude. But you know you have different taste. There’s no point taking it to heart.

Super rude. It’s fine not to want secondhand clothes (I didn’t when DS was a newborn - totally fine with it once he was a bit older, I just wanted all new stuff when he was a tiny baby). But saying your stuff is “cheap looking” is so obnoxious. And obviously not even true, if it’s John Lewis stuff.

The cheap comment was rude and not necessary. I would be offended by that.
But you sound very sensible in your response

What job does she have that she thinks m and s , John Lewis etc are cheap looking?

It's definitely style rather than cost. I went for practical & colourful - simple cotton, tumble dry safe, prints and bright colours that would not show stains. She prefers neutral and light colours (lots of white and shades of beige) and delicate fabrics.

She was rude. There was no need to say they were cheap looking.

I'd be more concerned with the cost you went to sending them over tbh. As you have said you have very different tastes and she could have just said that and graciously declined. If you aren't looking to fall out over this, let it hl and don't raise the issue again. Equally don't send over any more clothes and stick to buying their baby toys, books or vouchers instead.

*let it go

'cheap looking' is totally unacceptable to describe anything. Bloody rude.

All she had to do is say thank you - when you offered more clothes a 'I was so much stuff but, I really want to choose my own stuff for her' would suffice.

Is she always that rude?

Guess her child is dressed in pound notes?

That was very rude. And I’m rolling around laughing here - she likes white and delicate fabrics - for DC clothes! Hilarious.

Is she always that rude?

She's never been rude or unfriendly to me in any way, which is why I am going along with NumberTheory's explanation, but still feeling vindicated - thank you.

She prefers neutral and light colours (lots of white and shades of beige) and delicate fabrics

She started on the purées yet? Because there is nothing like spat out carrots to rid you of those thoughts. White and beige 😂😂

@mancarose

I don't think you need to be annoyed, it's her first and you know how we all are with our first, they have to have the best clothes ect, she probably just has a different style to yours and that's fine. If you spoke to her and told her you were going to donate them to charity anyway, she thought you wouldn't be bothered about what she did with them. I accepted no hand me downs with my first but with my second I got them allllll 😂😂

There were shipping costs though. She should have just said No Thanks

YANBU, but just let it go. She clearly has different values to you. And much less tact.

I preferred bright colourful baby clothes too OP.