Page 3 | Is this too young to leave children alone?

Puffalicious · 12/07/2021 11:57

This is so awful. I can't believe anyone would actually think this was okay! It's illegal in Scotland- here there is no age to be left alone but a child cannot be left in charge of another child. Therfore, I cannot (and would not) leave my 14yo in charge of my 9yo. I have a 16yo so that's fine, but even then I wouldn't be going out to the pub for 4 hours plus - especially with 1 and 4 yr olds. It's especially concerning that they're out a lot, you say.

It is madness and so unfair on that 11 yo.

Maggiesfarm · 12/07/2021 11:58

I think the children were too young to be left. It's no fair on the eleven year old.

TwoMountains · 12/07/2021 12:00

That’s too much responsibility to put onto an 11 yr old.

Crazycakelady17 · 12/07/2021 12:09

No no no I only left my 11 year old alone for the first time during the day for a hour last week she was isolating.

olidora63 · 12/07/2021 12:09

@SlothinSpirit

The question isn't can the 11 year old look after her siblings under normal conditions? It's could she cope (and is it fair to expect her to cope) in an emergency?

I have always been very laid back about parenting but even I think that 11 year old is far too young .A 1 year old needs adult supervision even when asleep.Something can go wrong so quickly with babies/ toddlers!!

moose62 · 12/07/2021 12:31

I would never have left my 11 year old alone or babysitting.

here is an interesting article:
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12380329

Millymog · 12/07/2021 12:33

In two minds about this. So many variables and impossible to make hte call based on the information given.

Personally when both of my children were 1 (or even 2,3 or 4) i would not have left them alone even for a short time. However the factors which might make this understandable are:

the youngest two were in bed asleep already and the parents know their children and that they will sleep through the entire time the parents are away
the 11 year old has a phone and is very familiar / used to phoning their parents;
the 11 year old knows the drill regarding what to do in an emergency including not to open the door unless the 11 year old themselves needs to open the door in an emergency
any other family friends / relatives who live near by and are aware of the arrangement and are willing to be "on call" if needs be
the proximity of the parents who have gone out
the estimated duration the parents will be out for.

I suspect this type of situation was (sadly) common all over the UK last night (not that that makes it any better or worse)

HarebrightCedarmoon · 12/07/2021 12:33

Yes, too young. 11 y o possibly ok on their own, if they are ok with it, but not with two tiny siblings. And I'm quite laid back I think, not of the school of thought that they mustn't do anything on their own until they are adults! Mine walked to school from Y4, allowed to go into local town from Y7 and into London from Y9, as examples. We left our two together go out locally in the evening (ten minutes' drive away) first when they were 14 and 11. We don't do it regularly anyway.

MitheringSunday · 12/07/2021 12:39

There is a 10 and 8 year age gap between my third and my first and second respectively. It's already hazy but I think I first left the youngest with one or other of the older ones (for about 15 min while I popped down the road) when she was 3 going on 4, and IIRC I did it with the eldest (who would have been 13 at minimum then) first. I still wouldn't leave her with them for a whole evening, and they're now 16, nearly 14 and nearly 6. I think an hour or so is the most I'd feel comfortable with. And they're excellent big siblings and very conscientious. I think in the next few months they'll all be getting old enough to try it out. But an 11yo with a 1yo (!) and 4yo for a whole evening - nope.

hungryhipposareinthehouse · 12/07/2021 13:00

I'm in two minds, my mother (in her 40s - just as an indication of what sort of time that was acceptable) and my grandmother (would be in 80s) both babysat younger siblings from around that age. Including bathing and putting to bed. I've never heard of any issues. Back when they would walk home from school, be home alone sometimes too.

But also I know times have changed, mine are younger so I wouldn't really want to say either way. It probably depends on the 11 year old, if there is a neighbor home they know and happy to help in an emergency.

knittingaddict · 12/07/2021 13:07

@hungryhipposareinthehouse

I'm in two minds, my mother (in her 40s - just as an indication of what sort of time that was acceptable) and my grandmother (would be in 80s) both babysat younger siblings from around that age. Including bathing and putting to bed. I've never heard of any issues. Back when they would walk home from school, be home alone sometimes too.

But also I know times have changed, mine are younger so I wouldn't really want to say either way. It probably depends on the 11 year old, if there is a neighbor home they know and happy to help in an emergency.

It's really not a generational thing. I'm 57 and it wasn't a thing at the ages mentioned in the op. It was wrong then and is wrong now.

I'm not being precious. As children we went out to play and only came back for lunch and tea and we had lots more freedom than is allowed today. I had a brother 12 years younger than me and my parents didn't leave him with me until I was a lot older than 12.

Nuuktown · 12/07/2021 13:08

Crazy

FortniteBoysMum · 12/07/2021 13:13

Not in a million years would I leave an 12 year old incarcerated of a baby. If the baby chokes how the hell will an 11 year old cope. The answer is they won't. The parents in question need reporting.

Nanny0gg · 12/07/2021 13:30

@Dolores25

I don’t have children so I could be wrong about this but I’m wondering what other people think of this scenario.

DH and I went to the pub last night to watch the England game. We go semi regularly to this pub and know quite a few of the regulars and are quite friendly with a few of the couples, also see them in other local pubs/restaurants/out and about and have a chat etc.

One of the couples came in at about 7pm. Later on in the evening couple came over to say hello, general chat about the game etc. Making conversation I said something along the lines of ‘oh it’s great you were able to get a babysitter’ , women laughed and said oh we didn’t DD is looking after them.
DD is 11 , year 7. Other 2 children are around 1 and 4.

Is this unreasonable? I was quite shocked at the time but didn’t say anything as not having children I didn’t want to judge their decisions but I can’t stop thinking this morning that it seems a bit young. Pub is probably a 10 minute car journey to their house, they were both drinking but can’t say how much. Guessing more than would allow them to jump in the car to get home for an emergency. We left at 11 and they were still there.

Wrong.

Far too young for that responsibility

PattyPan · 12/07/2021 13:45

Way too young. An 11 year old and a 10 year old maybe, but no way would I expect an 11 year old to be able to look after a baby. I wouldn’t leave a 1 year old with anyone younger than about 16.

UnbeatenMum · 12/07/2021 13:45

I have a responsible and mature 11yo (nearly 12) and a 1yo and I won't be leaving them for a couple of years yet and even longer if we're talking about staying out until 11pm.

To the poster who said it's none of their business, safeguarding children is everyone's business. Anyone can call children's services or the police with concerns about children.

Tiredmum100 · 12/07/2021 13:49

Its not something I would do personally. That's an awful lot of responsibility for an 11 year old. I left my nearly 10 year old sensible, wont move off the sofa whilst playing with his switch son alone for 8 minutes to drop my other ds to beavers literally across the road, (dh was aware ds was on his own incase I was in an accident) and I was worried and umm and ahed about that for ages. I only left him as he was insiting to stay home.

BrownEyedSquirrel · 12/07/2021 13:50

Selfish and irresponsible.
I'm 31 and find my 1 year old overwhelming some nights. I wouldn't let an 11 year old mind him for even half an hour, anything could happen. She's probably capable of looking after the kids when all is going well but that's not the issue. How would she have reacted if the baby started choking or had a bad fall and was bleeding?

Snugglepumpkin · 12/07/2021 13:54

I used to babysit my younger siblings (including a young toddler) when I was that age a lot.

At the time I thought it was terribly unfair that I had to do 'the work' but I really didn't think it was something I couldn't cope with.
This was back in the very early 80s so no mobile phones etc.. & my parents were a ten minute walk away - so might as well have been an hours drive as I wouldn't have known how to contact them in an emergency.

I would never put my own children in that position though.
I have an eleven year old right now & honestly when I look at him I can't believe how much responsibility my parents piled on a child of that age.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/07/2021 14:05

This is awful. Anything could happen to those children. This is waaay too young. The NSPCC recommends not leaving children younger than 13 alone in the evening. If it happened and you called the police, the parents would be in serious trouble.

RevolvingPivot · 12/07/2021 15:11

I've not left my 11 year old yet. I probably would but she doesn't like the idea. Definitely not at night and with other siblings / especially once's she needs to look after.