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Original poster

Is this too young to leave children alone?

71 replies

Dolores25 · 12/07/2021 10:32

I don’t have children so I could be wrong about this but I’m wondering what other people think of this scenario.

DH and I went to the pub last night to watch the England game. We go semi regularly to this pub and know quite a few of the regulars and are quite friendly with a few of the couples, also see them in other local pubs/restaurants/out and about and have a chat etc.

One of the couples came in at about 7pm. Later on in the evening couple came over to say hello, general chat about the game etc. Making conversation I said something along the lines of ‘oh it’s great you were able to get a babysitter’ , women laughed and said oh we didn’t DD is looking after them.
DD is 11 , year 7. Other 2 children are around 1 and 4.

Is this unreasonable? I was quite shocked at the time but didn’t say anything as not having children I didn’t want to judge their decisions but I can’t stop thinking this morning that it seems a bit young. Pub is probably a 10 minute car journey to their house, they were both drinking but can’t say how much. Guessing more than would allow them to jump in the car to get home for an emergency. We left at 11 and they were still there.

OP posts:
TinaYouFatLard · 12/07/2021 11:08

Totally unreasonable. I will leave my 13 year olds alone for an hour or two but not with their 10 year old brother. It’s not fair to put responsibility for others on young children.

Vetyveriohohoh · 12/07/2021 11:08

My 10 is super responsible, no way would I do this. 20 mins during the day if I nip you shop or take the dig out, yep. Never leave younger sibling there too though. Crazy

FunnyWonder · 12/07/2021 11:09

Definitely too young I reckon. I don't think it's fair on any of the children, but particularly the 11yo being charged with that level of responsibility.

I have left my 13yo with my 8yo a couple of times to nip out briefly, but even then I am anxious to get back. I know the 13yo is capable of reacting appropriately in an emergency, but not sure if he could be guaranteed compliance from younger, stubborn, 'know it all' brother😀

SleepingStandingUp · 12/07/2021 11:12

If they'd left once the 1 and 4 yo were in bed and asleep and then knew they generally always slept through, maybe at a push if it was really needed. But in pub for 7 seems too early for that. And Def not for something they can do at home - drink beer and watch football

But the rules are so vague and mostly people get away without a major incident

zoemum2006 · 12/07/2021 11:15

Lord no!!

I'd leave the 11 year old for up to 2 hours but NEVER a 1 year old.

I think you need a 16+ year old to look after pre-schoolers.

myfuckingfreezer · 12/07/2021 11:15

The 11 yo couldn't go to bed until parents were home which is unreasonable.

Why couldn't they?

cookiecreampie · 12/07/2021 11:16

No I wouldn't do it. My 12 year old has watched younger siblings when I've ran to the shop over the road and been gone no longer than ten mins. But I wouldn't go and sit for hours in the pub, it's too much responsibility.

NautaOcts · 12/07/2021 11:17

Does seem a bit young but if the younger two were reliably in bed and the 11yo is mature and can use a mobile competently to call parents if they wake up, then I can see why it would be tempting.

cookiecreampie · 12/07/2021 11:17

And no way would I ever leave a one year old.

Seeline · 12/07/2021 11:18

They couldn't go to bed because they were responsible for two very young children! Most kids of that age wouldn't wake if a baby cries, or for the smell of smoke etc. They need to be awake.

Whatinthelord · 12/07/2021 11:19

No this isn’t ok. Maybe if feel differently with an 11 year old staying on their own with a parent at a neighbours or contactable and able to return home quickly.

An 11 year old should not be looking at children that young for so long just so parents can drink.

Badgercity · 12/07/2021 11:20

11yr old maybe, assuming they are heading into yr 8 in September. But definitely not with the younger 2.

I’m debating whether I can leave my (just) 12yr old with my 8yr old for 15 minutes every evening while my DH drops me at work? Any opinions would be welcome!

RonObvious · 12/07/2021 11:22

Are you sure they weren't joking? I once went out for dinner when my daughter was a few months old. Someone asked where she was, and I said that she was at home. They looked concerned, and asked if she was alone. I said yes, but that it was okay as I had left the TV on. I just couldn't believe that they actually thought I had left a baby alone to go out to dinner! (Obviously I then explained it was a joke, and my sister was with her.) I don't think I know anyone who would think it was okay to leave an 11 year old in charge of a baby and a small child. To be honest, I don't know many people who would be comfortable leaving an 11 year old alone for the evening, even without a small child and baby!

Amdone123 · 12/07/2021 11:28

It's not OK. Too much responsibility. Even if the children were in bed, they could still wake up. Anything could happen.
I don't know how people like this can relax. I'm too much of a nervous wreck.

TheTallOakTrees · 12/07/2021 11:36

I wouldn't but some do.
Some even leave their children home alone or in holiday accommodation unsupervised whilst they eat and drink. Again,, I wouldn't but some do.

JustATypo · 12/07/2021 11:37

Wrong, an 11 year old should not have responsibility for two little kids, especially a 1 year old, that is madness.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 12/07/2021 11:39

I am normally pretty lenient in this opinion, but no way. If the kids were 11, 5 and 6 for few hours, fine, but no way should at 1 and 4 be left with the poor 11 year old.

HerbErtlinger · 12/07/2021 11:41

I wouldn't do it. I leave my 11 year old at home for an hour or so very occasionally and only in the day and usually let my neighbour know she's home but never leave my 4 year old with her

knittingaddict · 12/07/2021 11:46

Even back in the dark days of the 70's and 80's this wouldn't have been ok. It's incredibly irresponsible.

neveradullmoment99 · 12/07/2021 11:48

I have only once left my 14 year and 13 year old [ who is much more sensible] with my 9 year old!

neveradullmoment99 · 12/07/2021 11:49

The worry is the baby. I mean what if they were sick? What if they woke up. Absolutely totally irresponsible.

neveradullmoment99 · 12/07/2021 11:49

Oh and a 4 year old as well? Oh dear. Not on.

5475878237NC · 12/07/2021 11:51

To me, this comes back to how inappropriate it is putting an 11 year old in charge in an emergency, not just if everything is fine. If there was a fire or the baby was choking etc. Totally irresponsible parenting IMO.

neveradullmoment99 · 12/07/2021 11:51

@zoemum2006

Lord no!!

I'd leave the 11 year old for up to 2 hours but NEVER a 1 year old.

I think you need a 16+ year old to look after pre-schoolers.

Absolutely. I would not do it with either my daughter or my son who are 14,13.
BrandNewHeretic · 12/07/2021 11:55

No way. God forbid something should happen, the poor 11 year old would carry that with her for the rest of her life, when it wasn't her fault and she should never have been in that position of responsibility in the first place. I have a 4yo and a 1yo and they're hard work, next to impossible to watch - no way would I expect an 11 yo to cope with that and to be as vigilant as a adult would be, no matter how mature they are for their age.