To want to go back to work?

[MrsTxx]

I’m a SAHM with a DS 2yo (nearly 3)who’s starting school nursery in september. My DH works full time over 4 days and financially supports us. Money is alright but I’d like to earn some for myself now il soon have more free time, for days out and little luxuries for the family. I’ve been offered a part time permanent contract that means i won’t have to pay for extra childcare when DS is at school ( I have family willing to help until he starts nursery). I am really excited.

My DH on the other hand isn’t happy. I did sit down and explain to him he would have to help out in the house more on his days off if I’m working. He is adamant he does enough in the house and earns enough so I don’t have to work. I on the other hand think he doesn’t do enough housework but it didn’t really bother me while I’m staying at home. He has been in a mood with me since I’ve been offered a job and thinks I should stay at home. While I had a lovely time looking after the home and our son I believe it’s time for me to get some adult socialisation and some of my own money.
Am I being unreasonable to want to go back to work?

How long have you been together OP?

Take the job! It sounds like a great opportunity get a cleaner if needs be but I wouldn't let this job pass me by.

A loving partner would be happy for you OP. They would care about your well-being.
He sounds like a selfish twat who just wants you at home as a skivvy.
YANBU

Blimey - he only works four days ! Are they particularly long/ condensed hours days ? No reason why he can't do his fair share of household chores. take the job, it will give you financial independence if you ever want to leave this moody man who resents you working.

Do what you want to do and if he isn’t on board, he isn’t the one and it’s even more important then that you have your own life outside of him.

Take the job, OP. Your husband should be supportive but it seems as though the only reason he doesn’t want you to take it is because he will have to help more around the house.
I think it would be really good for you. Please don’t let him convince you not to take it.

Blimey - he only works four days ! Are they particularly long/ condensed hours days ?

OP does say full time over 4 days, so presumably 10 hour days or similar.

He doesn't want to have to have an equal part in child related things and housework, that's why he's hesitant. Goodness forbid he might have to take a day off if little one is poorly, or during school holidays when the time comes. Absolutely go for the job if you want to work!

If you don't want to stay at home then you shouldn't. If he doesn't want to do more housework tell him he needs to pay for a cleaner.

Take the job OP. He should be pleased for you and supportive of your decision.

Take the job. Perhaps you can get a cleaner if he's worried about housework. You can save, have holidays, days out etc with the extra money.

Take the job.

He doesn't get to decide that you'll be a SAHM and do all the drudge work, because he prefers it that way. And he's behaving badly if he's busily sulking to try and force you to do what he wants.

I'd be bored to tears at home, and given that you talk about some of my own money I suspect he sees much of what he earns as his.

Hi, together six years

Yes they’re 12 hour shifts so he’s out of the house for a long time them days.

A decent partner would be thrilled for you and support you with this.

Take the job.

Take the job.

I am a single parent, work 5 days a week and do all cooking/housework/admin so have no sympathy for men who have to work and god forbid do a bit of housework too. Your happiness is important and work keeps you social and earning your own money.

Thankyou, I am definitely taking the job. I think I’ve just been in a baby daze and let things slip with him doing his bit when he’s home. He is a good man and father I just think he’s gotten lazy and used to being waited on hand and foot! No more DH I have an eye on a new pair of shoes that I can’t wait to buy from my first pay!! Thanks for all of your advice :) I will look into a cleaner too as I think that could help

Take the job

The two of you can decide to outsource some jobs, but as kids get older he has to step up and be more involved in things like drop off, sick days, doctors appts, and extracurriculars.

Wow sounds perfect. Spend a little of your wages on a cleaner or take away ironing service - something that will benefit you most and dh by proximity.
Then you won’t be spending time on cleaning when you want to come home and enjoy time with kids/dh or just want a quiet time to yourself.
Win win.

Take the job - time to get back to paying into your pension. Good luck and enjoy!

Take the job and get him to pay for a cleaner.

The obvious compromise is that part of your earnings go on a cleaner.

But why should HER earnings pay for a cleaner?

Congrats on the job. Definitely get a cleaner, that's a no brainer when you will have 2 wages instead of one coming in.

Thankyou AlwaysColdHands, I was wondering the same? I’d be happy to split the bill if a cleaner is what we decide we need

Sorry- it’s the way I think about our family money. Although both our wages go in the same pot, I tend to think of Dh money pays the necessary bills - insurance, council tax food, my wage pays the luxuries - holidays, our fun money. Cleaner would come under luxury for me, so I would need to ensure I earnt enough to cover that cost. Iyswim.