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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD with ADHD and the football

43 replies

ADHDgirl · 11/07/2021 18:24

So as the title says my 12yr old DD has ADHD and is not currently medicated. She wants to stay outside and watch the football on the big screen with the other kids on our estate, if it was kick off at 6pm I wouldn’t have an issue, the problem is if she doesn’t have enough sleep our lives are absolute hell because she get so so bad, her usual bedtime is 8.30pm and I just know if I let her stay up tomorrow will be torture.

She’s begged all day even after a firm no. I do feel a bit bad because she’s missing out but I suppose the thought of having an awful day tomorrow is putting me off. We don’t watch football in general as a family and we won’t be watching tonight either.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Blacktothepink · 11/07/2021 18:27

How about a compromise and let her watch it at home in her pjs on the sofa?

SoddingWeddings · 11/07/2021 18:30

Agreed, the option here is a quiet family evening on the sofa where you can control how loud, hyper, sugar driven the evening is, and child straight to bed on awarding of the prize?

pinkcircustop · 11/07/2021 18:31

YABVU. It’s a one off Confused

x2boys · 11/07/2021 18:33

Will she go to sleep if she knows footballs on?
Could you let her watch it at home, and let her go in school an hour later?
I get the sleep issue, my son doesn't have Adhd but does have autism and learning disabilities, so I do appreciate the dilemma
However is she's not going to sleep anyway?

LubaLuca · 11/07/2021 18:35

It's a pretty special event, so I think as a one-off I'd suffer the consequences of having a tired child tomorrow. If she's not much of a football fan, she could well get bored and wander home long before the end of it anyway.

FeministKilljoyOlympicWinner · 11/07/2021 18:35

YABU. I fucking hate football but this is an important match - all her friends will clearly be watching it, she is 12, you're being unfair I feel to make her miss out.

Neondisco · 11/07/2021 18:36

I'd let her watch it and have a lie in if at all possible. It's a rare occasion and she could go to school late.

I'm not an England fan BTW. Or a football fan. But honestly I think this is what kids remember when they're grown up.

AnUnoriginalUsername · 11/07/2021 18:37

It's one day. Suck it up. She's gonna be worse tomorrow after everyone else has watched it but her. She won't sleep anyway knowing she's missing it.

PurpleFlower1983 · 11/07/2021 18:38

Based on the most recent final they’ve made, this could be a once in a lifetime opportunity. YABU.

BlatantlyNameChanged · 11/07/2021 18:38

YANBU. DS is autistic and if his routine gets upset its not just a case of dealing with a grumpy, tired child tomorrow, he will be off the charts unmanageable and will more than likely meltdown at some point. He'll be going to bed usual time, going into school tomorrow at the usual time, and I've told him I will record the match and he can watch it after school tomorrow (he'll be able to focus on it much more knowing the outcome as he won't have to deal with the tension of not knowing who will win).

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 11/07/2021 18:39

If you were going to make an exception, and take having a bad day with her on the chin for once, I would do it for something like this. The watching it on the sofa with you plan sounds good.

girlmom21 · 11/07/2021 18:40

She's 12. She's not a little kid. ADHD is irrelevant here.
Just tell her she can watch the match if she promises to get up for school tomorrow.

remotecontrollerz · 11/07/2021 18:45

I'd set her up on the sofa with her duvet and a few snacks and the lights down low, she'll probably be bored and asleep half an hour in

NuffSaidSam · 11/07/2021 18:52

I think if you possibly can let her watch it (by letting her have a lie in tomorrow/letting her watch it on the sofa/putting up with a bad day tomorrow) then you really should.

It's very hard for her to have to miss out on an event like this because of what is essentially a disability.

YouDoIDo · 11/07/2021 18:53

It’s a one off BIG event that nearly all her friends (and probably teachers) will be talking about tomorrow. I’m not sure why pp are saying let her watch at home if it’s about the sleep as it wouldn’t make a difference if she’s home or outside. Most schools are allowing for children to go in a little later than usual as well so she could catch up on sleep in the morning.

Hamandcheeselife · 11/07/2021 18:54

@girlmom21

She's 12. She's not a little kid. ADHD is irrelevant here. Just tell her she can watch the match if she promises to get up for school tomorrow.
I can't imagine you know much about ADHD and the emotional liability and difficulties which comes with it. It's a medical condition that is always relevant.

Personally I would let her, let her have a lay in if you can with it being the last week of school and I bet she won't be the only one. But let her know she may be in trouble if late and that she will need to discuss how she's going to manage her emotions tomorrow when tired. She'll feel very left out from the group and again at school if she hasn't watched it which will be a big deal for her and I imagine lead to increased anxiety and behavioural outbursts themselves 💔💔

Viviennemary · 11/07/2021 18:55

Yabu. Let her watch it. Its one day.

Carboholic · 11/07/2021 18:56

YANBU.

The hysteria about this game is over the top. You are the parent and know what is good for her, not in the next 4h but in the next 24h.

girlmom21 · 11/07/2021 18:57

@Hamandcheeselife I know plenty about ADHD. What I meant was that I don't think it's an excuse to not allow her to watch it.

It might make tomorrow more difficult but as a one off it shouldn't be used as a punishment.

GameSetMatch · 11/07/2021 18:59

My seven year old is staying up to watch it so sorry I think YABU she’s 12, it may never happen again and she can have an early night tomorrow or a bit of a lie in. If she’s a pain tomorrow at least she won’t be sulking and moody because she missed the game.

philadelphiafreedom · 11/07/2021 19:05

Oh please let her! It’s a one off. I have ADHD and this makes me sad; I remember life being challenging enough in childhood without being excluded from an important social moment due to the condition. I get that you are helping her to regulate but maybe as PPs have said you can work around it on this occasion.

DecorChange · 11/07/2021 19:06

I hear you lack of sleep with adhd is a killer especially when they are not taking anything for it. But it is a one off. Will she have a lie in? I know she may not. Will she sleep knowing she's missing out? I would weigh it up mabye have a chill day tomorrow and take it easy on her. I know its hard when they are pushing. Mabye a tv and pj day?

Flgbusterhereagain · 11/07/2021 19:07

I would let her watch the game. I have ADHD by the way, looking likely that my DC does too. I know routine is important but honestly, this prob won't happen for another 55 yrs Grin

77kidsandcounting · 11/07/2021 19:08

Cracking up at the 'have a lie in' and 'adhd is irrelevent here'

Clearly those who's children don't have adhd 🙄

IDontReadEyebrows · 11/07/2021 19:10

While she might be difficult tomorrow having had less sleep, won’t she be in a foul mood at missing the football so be difficult anyway? I’d rather have a tired cranky child than a resentful cranky child personally.

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