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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU disabled DC and school trip

333 replies

Manic20201 · 11/07/2021 00:10

My DC class is going on a school trip at the end of term. They school are refusing to take them due to disability ( tube fed )
We have had medical clearance from health team and she has a trained 1–1.
AIBU to believe ( this is now nearly 4 years of never attending a school trip ) that it’s getting ridiculous. She is so sad about it and waited a long time to go.

OP posts:
Sleepyblueocean · 11/07/2021 10:11

"The only option you have is to volunteer to go. I know you said you’re working, but couldn’t you book a day off for the sake of your Dd?"

Why do people think it is acceptable to emotionally blackmail parents of disabled children? It's appalling.

No,children with disabilities should have their educational needs met by the school just as any other child does. To think otherwise is to be discrimatory.

TravellingSpoon · 11/07/2021 10:13

Would anyone who has an NT child think it was acceptable to be emotionally blackmailed into taking a day off work so thier child can go on a trip? Then why doesn't anyone think its acceptable just because the child has additional needs?

RubyGoat · 11/07/2021 10:13

@CoralSparkles the OP has said repeatedly that she has a prebooked appointment, to do with her DD's medical needs, that she has to be present for. It can't be rearranged. She physically cannot go on the trip.

Terhou · 11/07/2021 10:15

@CoralSparkles

What are her medical conditions? Is this a day or overnight trip? The 1:1 is paid close to minimum wage per hour so they might be afraid of the heightened responsibility of looking after a child with complex physical disabilities out of the school setting? The only option you have is to volunteer to go. I know you said you’re working, but couldn’t you book a day off for the sake of your Dd?
Why would they be afraid? They are literally trained to deal with the tube feeding in all settings. If they don't feel able to cope then they shouldn't be in the job.
Sirzy · 11/07/2021 10:16

@TravellingSpoon

Would anyone who has an NT child think it was acceptable to be emotionally blackmailed into taking a day off work so thier child can go on a trip? Then why doesn't anyone think its acceptable just because the child has additional needs?
Because “mum will do it” seems to often be the easy option.

Well the easy option for everyone other than Mum and Child obviously.

Sirzy · 11/07/2021 10:17

As the child in this case doesn’t even have a feed during the day then “looking after” the tube isn’t complex at all if they have had training on what to do on the off chance that something does happen. Most days I doubt they have to do anything at all with it.

Allllchange · 11/07/2021 10:18

@TravellingSpoon absolutely agree. Plus it is harder for parents who have a child with a disability to work as holiday clubs are nigh on impossible to access and care is more expensive.

CoralSparkles · 11/07/2021 10:21

@Sleepyblueocean I am not emotionally blackmailing OP. I’m just saying that her DD’s 1:1 is probably paid around £9 an hour to support the girl with her learning at school. If the girl has complex medical needs then looking after the girl outside of school is a lot of responsibility for the minimum wage 1:1 to have.

Without knowing what the trip is and the conditions Dd has, we won’t know why risk assessments suggest that the girl shouldn’t go on the trip.

TravellingSpoon · 11/07/2021 10:22

@Sirzy

As the child in this case doesn’t even have a feed during the day then “looking after” the tube isn’t complex at all if they have had training on what to do on the off chance that something does happen. Most days I doubt they have to do anything at all with it.
Yes this. Unless the DD is constantly trying to pull the mickey button/Jpeg out, surely they will have minimal interaction with it.
TravellingSpoon · 11/07/2021 10:26

[quote CoralSparkles]@Sleepyblueocean I am not emotionally blackmailing OP. I’m just saying that her DD’s 1:1 is probably paid around £9 an hour to support the girl with her learning at school. If the girl has complex medical needs then looking after the girl outside of school is a lot of responsibility for the minimum wage 1:1 to have.

Without knowing what the trip is and the conditions Dd has, we won’t know why risk assessments suggest that the girl shouldn’t go on the trip.[/quote]
But its their job! Its what they are paid to do.

I get paid £9 an hour to look after several complex individuals. They have complex needs, Cpap, PEG feeding (including those who have their own food through the peg rather than just a bottled feed, Tracheostomy, nasogastric tubes.

Pre covid we used to do several trips and have been loads of places, including the space centre, pantomimes at the local theatre and the zoo. It isnt difficult if you put the individual at the heart of the trip.

Sleepyblueocean · 11/07/2021 10:29

"@Sleepyblueocean I am not emotionally blackmailing OP."

Yes you are. What the 1:1 is paid has got nothing to do with the OP. It's not her responsibility. The OP's child needs to be provided with someone who will do it. That is all there is to it.

CoralSparkles · 11/07/2021 10:30

@TravellingSpoon ok fair enough. I was just thinking about why the school would say no. If it’s just tube feeding (and the girl doesn’t need it during the day) then of course she should be able to go on the trip. I just wondered if there were other medical conditions that made this particular trip fail the risk assessments.

Sleepyblueocean · 11/07/2021 10:34

"Because “mum will do it” seems to often be the easy option.

Well the easy option for everyone other than Mum and Child obviously."

Well we are 'special parents' don't you know. Or shit parents if we don't do everything everyone else expects us to do, however unreasonable the expectation is. And not forgetting 'difficult parents' if we dare to mention the law.

GintyMcGinty · 11/07/2021 10:35

I think it's time to rain she Merry hell.

Get into your MP
Local newspaper
Seek legal advice.

Your child is being discriminated against. Plain and simple and it's appalling.

GintyMcGinty · 11/07/2021 10:36

Sorry about the autocorrect typos

scrambledcustard · 11/07/2021 10:38

OP can I ask why your dd has a feeding tube? And is it through her nose or stomach?

I can understand your frustration but I can also see it from the schools point of view. On some feeding tubes the risk assessment will be high. If the tube gets pulled accidentally and causes complications they will be up shit street and you will want answers so its best if you are there. They are covering their backs - which is understandable if they dont want a lawsuit.

Your dd can go on the trip if you go with her. All the other stuff can be rearranged - you know it can as you said you would go if she really wanted you to.

Sleepyblueocean · 11/07/2021 10:43

And another one with the emotional blackmail.

DumplingsAndStew · 11/07/2021 10:44

@scrambledcustard

Why should OP go on the trip? Maybe she could rearrange her life, maybe she just doesn't want to. She doesn't have to.

worktrip · 11/07/2021 10:44

DD has an EHCP which includes her having tube feeds. Unless the tube feed is blended diet and they are still declining that then they should be feeding her as prescribed. It's absurd, it's like denying necessary medications to a child. If it's the BD they are objecting to get Nestle Isosource as that is fairly well tolerated. If they are just refusing and you are going in daily to feed DD then you need to get legal advice as they are not fulfilling the EHCP which is legally binding

Terhou · 11/07/2021 10:45

[quote CoralSparkles]@Sleepyblueocean I am not emotionally blackmailing OP. I’m just saying that her DD’s 1:1 is probably paid around £9 an hour to support the girl with her learning at school. If the girl has complex medical needs then looking after the girl outside of school is a lot of responsibility for the minimum wage 1:1 to have.

Without knowing what the trip is and the conditions Dd has, we won’t know why risk assessments suggest that the girl shouldn’t go on the trip.[/quote]
It's really quite bizarre that people twist facts to this extent to suit an agenda. This is a child who has to be tube fed, she needs a trained 1:1 to support her, why on earth wouldn't the 1:1 be paid to support with the tube feeding? She may not even have any learning difficulties. Looking after a tube fed child out of school is no more difficult than it is in school.

worktrip · 11/07/2021 10:46

My Dd attends all school trips

Terhou · 11/07/2021 10:47

I can understand your frustration but I can also see it from the schools point of view. On some feeding tubes the risk assessment will be high. If the tube gets pulled accidentally and causes complications they will be up shit street and you will want answers so its best if you are there. They are covering their backs - which is understandable if they dont want a lawsuit.

But the risk is the same in school and is precisely why the LA pays a TA to be trained to deal with it. They're looking at a lawsuit anyway in terms of their disability discrimination.

Sirzy · 11/07/2021 10:47

The school have been trained. The tube may be pulled out anytime - although Unless NG tube then highly unlikely. The staff will know what to do if it is pulled and that is the same whether in school or out.

Schools response shouldn’t be “if you don’t come she can’t come” it should be “right what do we need to do to make it possible for her to enjoy the trip with her peers”

AlternativePerspective · 11/07/2021 10:55

Incredible that people are going on about how the poor 1-1 is on a shit salary and why should they possibly be expected to look after this child’s complex needs, when no-one seems to think about the fact the parent has to do the same every day and it’s just expected because they’re the parent.

The 1-1 is paid to do what they do. If they’re uncomfortable with part of the job for whatever reason then they need to resign and a replacement needs to be hired who is both willing and capable to do it properly, you know, the job they’re paid to do.

scrambledcustard · 11/07/2021 10:56

@Terhou

I can understand your frustration but I can also see it from the schools point of view. On some feeding tubes the risk assessment will be high. If the tube gets pulled accidentally and causes complications they will be up shit street and you will want answers so its best if you are there. They are covering their backs - which is understandable if they dont want a lawsuit.

But the risk is the same in school and is precisely why the LA pays a TA to be trained to deal with it. They're looking at a lawsuit anyway in terms of their disability discrimination.

No its not. It depends on where they are going. A school environment is totally different to a school trip to some where they have never been.

The OP states she has had to fight for her dds education from the start so obviously this child is classed as high risk. They have just asked that her mother attends to safeguard them all.

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