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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable expecting him to get the Covid vaccine when I’m 28 weeks pregnant?

39 replies

Babynumberone369 · 10/07/2021 21:45

My partner is in the army and currently living on camp, spending time with lots of different people everyday. With the raise in Covid cases and entering my third trimester I’m getting more and more anxious about Covid and the risks of still births and prem babies…

He is refusing to get the vaccine because of all the anti vaxxer rubbish he’s watched online. I’m at the point of refusing to see him until the baby is here…is that unfair? I don’t know what to do for the best.
Would you get the jab instead?
Thank you :)

OP posts:
DeathByWalkies · 10/07/2021 21:47

I'm surprised the army isn't making them all have vaccines, seeing as how they live in very close quarters.

He needs to get a grip and get vaccinated.

tttigress · 10/07/2021 21:48

I think you have also been infected by fear, I would definitely not recommended you to get a vaccine at that stage of pregnancy

pointythings · 10/07/2021 21:52

Some useful information on COVID vaccination if you're pregnant here.

From what I can see, you can protect yourself. But I wouldn't be with an antivaxxer - what if he expands his nonsense to childhood vaccinations and tries to fight you on getting essential vaccines for your baby?

AnUnoriginalUsername · 10/07/2021 21:52

It's not your body. Imagine if he was insisting you breastfed for the benefit of your baby when you didn't want to.

It's not "anti vaxxer bullshit" to not want to inject something into your body without knowing the long term effects.

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 10/07/2021 21:53

What @pointythings said.

Drivingmeupthewall · 10/07/2021 21:54

I’d struggle to cope sharing a life with someone who believed all that guff.

countbackfromten · 10/07/2021 21:58

@tttigress and what is your evidence to support that statement? I take it you have more professional expertise than the RCOG and the JVCI combined who have strongly recommended pregnant women are vaccinated? I take it you have more professional expertise than me, an anaesthetist and critical care doctor who has looked after several pregnant women who needed intensive care because of covid. Look forward to hearing your qualifications to make that statement.

Aprilx · 10/07/2021 21:59

Pregnant women are offered the covid jab same as anyone else I thought. I think your partner is bring an idiot, but I find it odd that you are criticising him when you have not had the jab yourself.

DeathByWalkies · 10/07/2021 21:59

Looks like he'll be forced to choose between being an antivax twat and his job

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/army-considering-disciplining-soldiers-who-24138111

But I agree with @pointythings

oklets · 10/07/2021 22:02

I don't think YABU at all. Personally I have no patience for anti vaxxers but aside from that, he should be putting your comfort and the safety of you and your baby above all else at this time. I don't think it's unreasonable to refuse to see him until the baby is born or whenever you feel comfortable. This might jolt some sense into him, or unfortunately it may not. Ultimately though the most important thing is you and your baby and you need to put you first, even if he won't.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/07/2021 22:03

My SIL, a very healthy 38 year old with absolutely NO preexisting conditions, got covid at 34 weeks. She had to have an emergency CS, and was then unconscious on a ventilator for over a month, in the hospital for nearly 3 months. She very nearly died and we are amazed she didn't, quite honestly, due to all of the complications and infections she dealt with. It was a fucking nightmare for her.

Pregnant women are very vulnerable to covid, it's a fact. If I were you, I would be extremely cautious. You can't control your partner's behavior but you can control your own.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/07/2021 22:04

To add, I would be getting vaccinated if I were you.

Saoirse82 · 10/07/2021 22:15

I'm 21 weeks pregnant. I got the first AZ before becoming pregnant and the 2nd when I was 16 weeks. It was a tough decision getting the second just as there wasn't a lot of data on AZ in pregnancy (there is much more on Pfizer or moderna) but I can honestly tell you that I'm so grateful that I've had it done. My baby is fine and all was well at 20 weeks. Listen to the medical professionals like @countbackfromten. My cousin is a doctor at a vaccination centre and I was her her urged to me the importance of having the 2nd dose.
YANBU about your boyfriend, he sounds like an idiot, I can't abide anti vaxxers. And he should be putting you and the baby first.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 10/07/2021 22:24

So you haven't had the vaccine to protect yourself but you want him to get the vaccine to protect you?

Lucidas · 10/07/2021 22:26

Your bf shouldn’t be the only source of your worries tbh. Covid will rip through the unvaccinated and partially vaccinated this summer. It’ll be everywhere, and we’re about to have the biggest superspreading event of the last year tomorrow, one week before reopening. I would hate to be pregnant in the third trimester over the coming weeks without some protection (had the Pfizer at 32 weeks pregnant myself).

In an ideal world sure, you’d wait years and years for long-term data, but we don’t have that luxury. Focus on protecting yourself.

Thisisthemonth · 10/07/2021 22:30

2 pregnant nurses have died in my local area, its a huge risk in pregnancy so yanbu at all. in fact he is being appallingly unreasonable wanting u to be in a dangerous position. get rid of him and look after yourself and child.

Original poster
Babynumberone369 · 10/07/2021 22:35

Thank you everyone, especially @DeathByWalkies for that link! Also @countbackfromten for the advice, it's reassuring to hear it from a professional.
I would have the jab in a heartbeat but I have been nervous being pregnant because of the baby. Both my midwife and Dr have been very much on the fence. The advice I was given was to only get it if I'm front line and working in a high risk environment. I haven't asked in a while so I appreciate things might have moved on.
@Aquamarine1029 I hope your SIL is ok now...so scary.

OP posts:
CharlotteRose90 · 10/07/2021 22:58

Get the vaccine yourself don’t push him into it. Not everyone gets off without any bad effects I know I didn’t. I’m seriously ill after mine.

Aprilx · 11/07/2021 10:21

@Babynumberone369

Thank you everyone, especially *@DeathByWalkies for that link! Also @countbackfromten* for the advice, it's reassuring to hear it from a professional. I would have the jab in a heartbeat but I have been nervous being pregnant because of the baby. Both my midwife and Dr have been very much on the fence. The advice I was given was to only get it if I'm front line and working in a high risk environment. I haven't asked in a while so I appreciate things might have moved on. *@Aquamarine1029* I hope your SIL is ok now...so scary.
Advice from who? That is not the advice given to pregnant women, pregnant women are advised to have the vaccination, same as anybody else, well other than they should have Moderna or Pfizer. You could say that anyone working on the front line or high risk needs the vaccination more than others, but it doesn’t mean others should not have it.

It really does make no sense that you are taking this stance with your partner when you have not had the vaccination yourself. In fact, In the hypothetical situation that there were only one vaccination available for the two of you, it would be better if you had it. Having a vaccination when pregnant is better than getting covid when pregnant.

Youdiditanyway · 11/07/2021 10:26

I’d just get the vaccine personally. More data on Pfizer during pregnancy and all seems fine. I’ve had mine, I’m breastfeeding and didn’t even think twice (actually hoped it would pass some antibodies onto my baby too tbh). Ignore your halfwit boyfriend, he needs to get a grip.

shivawn · 11/07/2021 11:25

The fact that he's an anti-vaxxer would be a major turn off but it's ultimately his decision. It's up to you if you want to get vaccinated yourself or not.....I'm sure he isn't the only person you will come in to contact with who isn't vaccinated.

I'm also 28 weeks pregnant, I'm vaccinated for ages, my husband only got vaccinated months after I did because he wasn't eligible for it until then. I wasn't worried about him not having it because I knew that I had done the best I could to protect myself and our baby.

Thehop · 11/07/2021 11:29

You can’t force him to have the vaccine, any more than he can force you to do something against your will.

I’d be worried his anti vax opinions would stretch to my baby though.

Iwonder08 · 11/07/2021 11:54

You are as much antivax as he is! He has reasons to believe it is not good for him, you are not doing the jab either. Really, you are not in position to critise him.

HauteGirlSummer · 11/07/2021 12:11

What is stopping you getting the vaccine yourself? Your reason not together it is as valid as his.
Lots of pregnant women have had it too. You get offered the Pfizer.

I got mine in the 3rd trimester since the risks of not getting vaxxed outweigh the the side effects of Pfizer.
I've had 2 friends affected badly by COVID unfortunately in their 3rd trimester so that definitely helped me make my mind up. Also watched a few webinars on the pros/cons of getting Pfizer during pregnancy.
Currently 34 weeks and I feel a lot more confident now especially with the new variant spreading.

You should definitely book yours and get some peace of mind.

HauteGirlSummer · 11/07/2021 12:12

to get it not together 😩

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