School and autistic child.

[KarenM262]

Hi I am new to posting so please forgive me if this is the wrong place. I am also new to autism so I don't mean to use the wrong phrases or offend anyone. So as a bit of background I have a 6 year old son who has been referred for speech and language help since nursery, every time they have got to the assessment as the wait is so long the issues had sorted themselves and he has now pretty much caught up with speech and language. However after the last assessment I raised some concerns about his social interaction and a few other issues which school have also raised and he is now being referred to a pediatrician and education psycholigist. We have been reffered since starting reception and it's all taken a long time but even at the first parents evening in reception the teacher said she thought he was autistic. Now I have researched it and spoken to the speech and language team I have a strong suspicion that he is however I think it can take a long time for a disgnosis. So anyway he is now in year 1 going in to year 2 in September (with the same teacher). This week we were sent a school report home and I cried reading it, it was full of negative remarks "he needs to concentrate more" "he needs to try harder" "he needs to stop being so easily distracted" this was from the same teacher who decided as he wasn't listening he had to sit on a table by himself which really upset him. AIBU? I don't understand how they can be aware there is possible autism and yet treat him as if it's his fault, if he can't concentrate I think it's the environment. They have two teaching assistants and an SEN teacher surely he should be getting some support or does it just come if they are diagnosed? The teacher I feel is really not interested either she said a few weeks ago "someone is coming in tomorrow to see him is that ok?" And when I asked who she didn't know or care, she just said she's called Nicola that's all I know. I don't know if I am too emotionally involved and taking it all too personally or not so would appreciate any feedback X

I was also shocked by son’s school report age 5 - He was struggling with behaviour and the schoolwork. He was diagnosed with autism around the same time. The diagnosis meant he got help and understanding from the school and help from an OT and a physio.

He is 11 now and his school report this year is amazing! I sound boastful, but really I am just so proud about how he managed to turn things around because he got the right support.

That doesn't sound boastful I would be proud too, it really beaks my heart reading how much he is struggling because actually he is very intelligent and the hardest worker I have ever met he can concentrate on fixing his dirt bike or build flat pack. X

@SuperSleepyBaby That's a lovely positive story. @KarenM262. Yep sounds about right to me . There is the right support out there - as super found. Unfortunately - there are other teachers who send out shit reports like that. Yours pretty much repeats word for word my son's final report in year 6 despite diagnosis - very late after years of fobbing off and delays by school. You can expect more. But sadly not always get it. Time and again parents of children with autism fight hard. I cried out for help for ds - to arm him with the strategies to cope in mainstream education. We got shrugs and blame. It's shit.

My DS is like this. Because he flies under the radar e.g. isn't disruptive or aggressive, we struggle to get help for him despite an ASD diagnosis. We've been told not to pursue an EHCP as it would be a waste of time.

I'd be really interested to see what support other children in similar situations get as my sons school is not forthcoming at all.

With the right help there is lots of hope. I felt like it was the end of the world when my son was that age - i wish i could go back and tell myself it will be ok. We had lots of stressful times along the way - and who knows what the future holds - but he has really settled well into school and is well able for the work now and happy.

What really helped in our case was a multi disciplinary team with an OT, SLT and a physio who dealt with the school and advised them on how to help my son. The school were also very helpful, he was taken out of the class each day to work on motor and social skills etc. He also had a one-to-one so he was able to take movement breaks which helped to regulate him. The principal contacted me this year to say he doesn’t reslly need the one to one anymore as he is becoming more independent and better at managing his emotions.

Sorry, i don’t want to sound like it was all easy - and in many ways we were lucky that the support that was available was the right support. I know of other children whose parents have tried hard to help them but the help they needed wasn’t there.

Hello, in my experience, it's a very long road which you will need to fight his corner every chance and you will grow a very thick skin.

The school report will work to your advantage to push for assessment. The teacher is being factual (not helpful to your son, I know)

Ask to speak to the school for pastoral care plus SEN. In regards to sitting alone, we had the same sort of thing by sitting her near the teacher or at the front to keep an eye on DD.

DD needs to be at the back so she can see the door and other pupils and needs her routine. It's not rocket science.

At one school meet the teacher, the art teacher complained she had put dd near the sink with paint, pots and glue which caused dd to lack focus and concentrate more on pouring glue and paint everywhere.

It did take a very long time to get diagnosed and proper help in place, I lost a job over trying to support her in (or refusing to be in) school.

DD left school in the first lock down, passed all of her exams and her school reports blew us away. There is hope, your son is lucky to have you posting here looking for help so early in his school journey. Keep posting and stick to your guns!

Have you spoken to the SENCO? First step should be to arrange a meeting with him/her. Take a list of your concerns, copies of any reports you have showing what support he needs, and any questions you have. Some starter questions could be is he making expected progress (and if not, why not), what does he need support with, and how are they going to provide that support, is he in the SEN register (and again, if not why not).

In my experience you have to push, the squeaky wheel gets the grease and one of the first things you learn when advocating for your child is how to be a squeaky wheel. It could also be worth looking into other schools, again based on my own experiences, some schools are better than others at supporting children.

Some schools/teachers have very crap attitudes to this and expect square pegs to fit into round holes just by demanding it enough. It is rubbish. They are the adults and can see where he is they should be helping him get to where he needs to be by making adjustments. I am very fortunate as my child's school takes a holistic approach to the child, and treats each child as they find them, so diagnosis or not every child is met where they are. So I'm afraid I have no experience of forcing a teacher/school with this attitude to improved their game. But I did come here to say your feelings are completely reasonable and don't feel you need to excuse/apologise to anyone for them. And there are schools or there that would be doing things differently.

Children with ASD often can't filter out any distractions the way other children can, it was something that came up with my son. Asking that he is always sat right in front the teacher might help hugely.

He might be being observed by someone from SEND, my son was and she was brilliant, spotted lots of things and made lots of suggestions. School didn't do any of them but that's another story......Anyway the one thing I'd really push for is being sat right at the front, right in front the teacher (not at the front but off to the side or 'near' the front). My son was diagnosed at 10 and at 15 this is the first year I've managed to get him sat properly at the front of his classes so be prepared for it to be an on going uphill struggle to get anywhere with anything especially if his teacher is disinterested. x

Thank you all. The SEN teacher is not helpful I have had meetings with her in reception but all she seemed to do was refer him, the reception teacher didn't even know he'd been referred. She is now covering reception as that teacher is off, this happened last year too and she seems to be used more as a substitute. When he was made to sit on his own he refused to go to school if he had to sit there so I did let him have a day off while I sorted it out he was so stressed with it all. It turned out he was also made to sit on the "slow table" at lunch time and not with his classmates which I was upset about as he is struggling to form any friendships something I've raised with them and I thought this would not help. Anyway I wrote a long email asking about support and it wasn't answered. I think I'll have to grow a thicker skin or look at other schools which I have really been considering X

I'd move my son out of that son if they sat him all by himself in class thats disgusting, assuming it was an ongoing management of the class rather than during say a spelling test.

Have a look at charitable organisations such as SOSSEN and get in touch to find your rights. The school has a duty of care to his wellbeing and they dont need a pissing diagnosis to do that.

Awful

Based on your update, I'd move him. If the school are that disinterested then it isn't going to get any better even when he does get a diagnosis.

My ds has asd and adhd..what you describe sounds more like adhd - there is a huge overlap.

I would ask for a meeting with Senco.

Based on that update if be looking at taking him somewhere else, that's dreadful!

@KarenM262 I'm in Scotland so things are a bit different up here.
My ds has both ADHD and ASD (other issues to)
1st off the person (nichola) who came into the class was most likely the educational psychologists they like to observe the child in class and see how they act and interact with the teachers and other children, this is a normal part of any sen assessment and this will happen a couple of times.
2nd Yes the school should be making reasonable adjustments for him whilst he is being assessed, though this will be limited by the schools budget and unfortunately the willingness of the teacher. By reasonable adjustments I mean things like a picture timetable (takes 5 minutes to make and only costs paper and printer ink plus laminate so about £5) just simple little things that make a massive difference. As his teacher is obviously not interested is there any chance he can be moved class?
3rd if he's having trouble concentrating has anyone queried ADHD as it often goes hand in hand with ASD
Unfortunately how much help he gets will depend upon the school ethos, funding and quite frankly the teacher.
We were very lucky to have a brilliant primary school who has worked with his pediatrician, education psychologist and me through many years of assessments and medication changes. His report cards have always been positive because his teachers big up his achievements and measures his gains against him rather than the class as a whole. He has just finished p7 and is going to the DAS (it's a special school that are part of a local High school whilst still separated) after the holiday and is expected to get A level equivalent in English, maths and ICT he won't be taking any other classes but for him it will be an achievement

Speak to the SENCO and see who he’s been referred to and when he’ll be seen. Can you afford private assessments, many parents have to go that route to get the support needed.

Sorry just seen your update I'd be seriously looking for a new school

I don't say this lightly. I'd be looking for a different school.

My son sounds exactly like yours, it's uncanny. Same age, everything. He doesn't have a diagnosis yet but is very likely to be diagnosed with autism. The difference is that his school is amazing. They adore him and completely accept him for who he is. It's a mainstream primary, but their ethos is as close as I've seen to a special school (I work in a special school myself). His teacher recently said this to me: "I just love the bones of him. Even when he's on one, there's always a reason and it's the most weird and crazy reason, he just makes me laugh". They really "get" him, and the majority of the time they can talk him round when he's struggling. They've taken the time to get to know him, right from reception, and that knowledge has been passed up to year one and I'm confident it'll be passed up to year two too.

Please feel free to pm me if you like. Our boys really do sound incredibly alike, and I have lots of experience of autism so I'm happy to try and help.

@Peachyqueen schools default position is often that noone will get an EHCP. If you feel your child needs one you can apply as a parent.

If you can OP a private independent Education Psychologist assessment could be useful for your child. They'll assess his learning needs via observation and provide a full report on his strengths and actions needed. They can be gold evidence to include in an EHCP application and will head all the child blaming stuff off at the pass.
Finally, have a chat with your local Sendiass, every LA has one, they're within the LA but independent - worth running through your circumstances and seeing what they suggest.

Untill your son has a diagnosis it's likely he'll be treated (in this setting, which sounds poor!) as 'won't' rather than 'can't' ie it's behavioal and he just needs to concentrate more etc etc. Your senco sounds poor, start off with asking who is seeing your son and what's their remit. It's unlikely to be ASD assessment as you would have filled lots of forms in and the waiting list is long! Hopefully it's an Ed Psych...

I have the same issues with my dd 9 she has just been diagnosed with ASD. I thought this would prompt the sen team and teacher into action but they don't seem to give a monkeys !! I also write lengthily emails and don't get much response back and they are evasive in what they are actually doing ! The teacher treats her like a bit of nuisance. My dd has major issues with friendships but nothing is done to help. I was told where was no point applying for an ehcp as she won't get one so I'm going to apply myself. I hope her next teacher is more accommodating to her needs.

In my experience the majority of teachers are completely clueless when it comes to autism.

Have you spoken to the SENCo at all?

Thank you all so much for this, I haven't had anyone to ask or talk to and you have all provided some really useful information. I should say his behaviour is good, he doesn't get in to trouble accept if he does something he didn't know he wasn't allowed to do. At home he has a reward jar and he responds really well, he's very visual. He has an engineer mind, when he was at nursery they all talk about pooh for example, while the others all thought it was funny to talk about it he wanted to know where it went, we had to watch videos on you tube, in the end I had to show him the septic tank drain and the sewer so he got it all. Nursery loved him and really understood him, they did hands on activities building bird boxes etc which he enjoyed, they always said they loved the way his mind worked. School just seem to see him as a nuisance and just don't get him at all. I have to say the head master seems to actually like him and has been getting him to help with jobs at school, he is happy to pick up litter with the grabbers etc, to be honest he could wire the school for them, you can get him to set anything up technology wise. I think he would struggle with changing school, if I could get him in with one of his friends outside of school he would probably go but they are so over subscribed. I will look into it though thank you, that was my instinct at first. Sadly he has the same teacher in year two, it's a small school I chose a smaller one thinking it would be better for him. X

This sounds very familiar! It's heart breaking isn't it, I hope you get some support for her X