Age gap relationship

patpatacat · 2021-07-10T19:20:06+00:00

My sister (27 y/o) has started seeing a 45 y/o man and I'm just wondering at what point does an age gap become too much? My OH and I have 8 years between us and it's just about worked but any older would be too much. This new man is 3 years off the same age as our dad ..

HollaHolla · 10/07/2021 20:24

I don’t think that’s too bad. If she was younger it might not work, but I’d say yet depends on their stage in life. So , are they both ‘settling down’, working, living independently, etc. The maturity of a 27 year old (or 45 year old!) can be so different.
My friend is married to a man 17 years older than her; they met when she was 30, and him 47, and they really work together. They are still together almost 20 years on. 🤷🏻‍♀️ So, it depends....

Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2021 20:25

It never becomes 'too much'. Why have you personally set the limit at 8 years?

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 10/07/2021 20:31

You say anything bigger than 8 years would be too much but that's totally subjective! DH is 10.5 years older than me and it only has any impact at all when we talk about first movies or first songs we bought and we laugh about the different eras we were very young in.

That's about it. The only slightly practical issue is that all of his friends had kids before him, so tend to be in different life stages when we all meet up - but it's hardly a difficult thing for our lives, as a family.

Having said that, I think 18 years sounds a lot. When I was mid 20s I went out with a much older man (late 40s) and it just didn't work out. He was a nice enough man but I would never have introduced him to my parents!

Stellaroses · 10/07/2021 20:33

I was 24 when I married my dh (45). Worked out fine. It’s more about the people themselves than the age imo.

Shelddd · 10/07/2021 20:34

We have 5 years age gap.. 8 years is too much though.

Newkitchen123 · 10/07/2021 20:36

When you're in 20s 30s 40s it's probably OK but when you're 60 and your other half is 78 or 65 and 83 that's a big difference

StepladderToHeaven · 10/07/2021 20:38

I agree that problems may arise as they get older. 27 and 45 may be ok but (say) 57 and 75 is harder to imagine working well. Her choice though!

tttigress · 10/07/2021 20:39

I think it's ok.

The main problem is when the younger person is very young (say under 24)

Freecuthbert · 10/07/2021 20:42

I personally wouldn't be keen on such a large age gap in my own relationship, but my brother's partner is the same age as our mum and they have been together for years now. Although 27 is young, I feel like at that age you are old enough and mature enough to make a sound decision around relationships. I feel like a 27 year old isn't vulnerable in the same way 18 year olds are, and although it is legal I find it morally dubious when you see much older blokes (or women!) dating 18 year olds. But your sister is 27. Definitely keep out of it.

Justgettingbye · 10/07/2021 20:44

We're 8 years tbh I wouldn't want it to be much more but we've had no problems. I've just had children in my 20s whilst he's been in his 30s and more or less we're at the same stage work wise/maturity. I don't think of our ages most of the time

rosalie11 · 10/07/2021 20:45

I wouldn’t do that and your sister is my age. I would date no more than 35

Illogicalmadness · 10/07/2021 21:11

It's a bit weird that there's only a 3 Yr gap between your dad and your sister's boyfriend. That's what I find a bit off putting, I wouldn't date a man old enough to be my dad. I'd find it disgusting but that's just me.

palmstree · 10/07/2021 21:13

I'm 27 and honestly after a failed marriage to a man my own age, who cares? If they make you happy and the relationship is nourishing... life is too short

FlippinCovid · 10/07/2021 21:28

Live and let live.

It could work out perfectly and they never have any regrets.
It could end in however many years for reasons totally unrelated to the age gap.
The age gap may catch them up and they split over it.
She could meet someone her own age who cheats on her.
She could marry someone her own age and be widowed young.
She could split up with him and never meet anyone else.

There are no guarantees. Dont rule out relationships over a slight risk. They are both adults, leave them to it.

PearlNextDoor · 10/07/2021 21:32

A man only three years younger than your dad? good grief. If your sister is fine with that, then that's her choice. I'd see it as setting your sights very low. But some women don't care that their partner is nearly old enough to be their father. I think because my own father was 26 when I was born, I find older men just remind me of my father [vom] but I read that if your father was much older then an age gap isn't so counterintuitive for you

Elderflower14 · 10/07/2021 21:35

My late DH was thirty four years older than me. We had nine years together and two boys before he died very suddenly. We were happy...
Live and let live!! ♥ ♥ ♥

Classica · 10/07/2021 21:39

Maybe she's just having fun and trying out the older man experience. I don't think it means 'she's setting her sights very low'. This 45 year old might be handsome and charming and a great laugh. Besides, not everything has to be a path to marriage. She might just want a good time for a few months.

PearlNextDoor · 10/07/2021 21:41

@Classica

Maybe she's just having fun and trying out the older man experience. I don't think it means 'she's setting her sights very low'. This 45 year old might be handsome and charming and a great laugh. Besides, not everything has to be a path to marriage. She might just want a good time for a few months.

True, I guess, what I meant was that for me it would be setting my sights very low but I honestly do get that some women don't view it like that.

Spidey66 · 10/07/2021 21:44

I was with a 40 year old at 23.

It didn't work and yes the age gap was a main factor. I wanted to go out partying till all hours. He didn't.

I think as you get older an age gap is less problematic though. It depends on the individual people and what stage they're at

AlwaysLatte · 10/07/2021 22:03

First partner was 24 years older than me (together since I was 17 till 29 when he died in an accident) and I've been happily married to my husband (20 years older) for 16 years this year. There are lots of factors to compatibility. Just don't ignore the important ones and age doesn't have to get in the way.

AdriannaP · 10/07/2021 22:06

None of your business as long as she is happy. She is not 17, she is 27 and an adult.

I am also in an age gap relationship and my DB is married to a woman who is 9 years older.

Kanaloa · 10/07/2021 22:09

I mean as long as both partners are able to consent, it’s pretty much their business. I do find it a bit icky when really older men will only date very young women, but late twenties & mid forties wouldn’t bother me. I do tend to fancy older men though!

honeybuns007 · 10/07/2021 22:11

@Shelddd

We have 5 years age gap.. 8 years is too much though.

That's such a bizarre fixed opinion. 5 is fine. 8 is wrong. I don't even know how someone thinks like this.

Classica · 10/07/2021 22:11

We all have friends whose partners we look at and think 'wonder what she sees in him'. I'm sure for sisters with differing tastes it's like that but even stronger!

honeybuns007 · 10/07/2021 22:12

@PearlNextDoor

A man only three years younger than your dad? good grief. If your sister is fine with that, then that's her choice. I'd see it as setting your sights very low. But some women don't care that their partner is nearly old enough to be their father. I think because my own father was 26 when I was born, I find older men just remind me of my father [vom] but I read that if your father was much older then an age gap isn't so counterintuitive for you

How odd that you feel that an older man is a 'low' option. That's just so weird.