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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we being unreasonable?

40 replies

LuckilyLucky · 10/07/2021 15:29

I'll try to keep it short.

I have two step DC and have joint DC with DH as well.

My stepDC are 10 and 12 and joint DC toddler & baby.

When I met my husband I moved from my home village to live with him in his town. The two are about a 15 minute drive from each other.

We are looking to move and we have decided we'd like to move back to where I was originally living.

It is a much smaller area, my family is there who help a lot with DC, better schools and generally a nicer area with more space. It is also where my parent who I do a lot for lives.

We have been looking at a few houses and my stepchildren came with us to see a few. My husband's ex is now really not happy that we are considering "moving away" and is making it sound like we are wanting to move hours away.

At the moment we live about a 5 minute drive from his ex, longer in traffic. Where we are looking is about 15 mins by car.

Nothing will change in terms of how often step DC are with us, they will still be taken to school by us, still here just as often, still taken to their clubs ect.

The plan is actually for the eldest to start getting the bus to school anyway from sept and the youngest to follow suit once they get to the same age. The bus also runs through where we are planning to move so they could also get it from there to school and it would just be a slightly longer journey.

Are we really being awful for considering this?

OP posts:
youngestisapsycho · 10/07/2021 15:31

No… crack on with your plans!

OurChristmasMiracle · 10/07/2021 15:31

Not awful at all. You have to do what it right for your family and it sounds as if you have already considered all of the children.

How do the children feel about the move? Are they happy/settled about it? If so it sounds like she’s moaning for nothing.

Notaroadrunner · 10/07/2021 15:31

She's being ridiculous. Don't factor her feelings into your plans. The kids won't suffer as a result of you moving an extra 10 minute drive away.

Sunbird24 · 10/07/2021 15:33

No, you’re looking to 15 mins further, not hundreds of miles! DH’s ex will get over it.

Babyghirl · 10/07/2021 15:33

@LuckilyLucky
Not at all like it's not as if things r going to change for the kids think it's just her being awkward and trying to still have control over you dh and your lives, do what suits yous and if she does not like it that's tough on her she will have to deal with it not yous.

WorraLiberty · 10/07/2021 15:33

Do you really have to ask?

Hankunamatata · 10/07/2021 15:34

How long is the drive at the moment in traffic? Asking just because that 15min drive could take 40 odd mins in traffic.

Hankunamatata · 10/07/2021 15:36

How long would dc bus journey be to school?

Honeyroar · 10/07/2021 15:38

Nope. I’d say you were if you moved a long way, but 15 mins is nothing and won’t affect the relationship at all.

Original poster
LuckilyLucky · 10/07/2021 15:43

@Hankunamatata

How long is the drive at the moment in traffic? Asking just because that 15min drive could take 40 odd mins in traffic.
Our current area is very bad for traffic. A 5 min journey can take much longer.

However, it's typically when you are heading in the direction of the larger city 20 mins from us.

We'd be moving further out in the opposite direction where traffic is generally not bad.

If you really got caught out at the wrong time, I'd say possibly 25 mins. But 9 times out of 10 it would be 15 mins.

The only thing I can really think of is if weather like snow were ever to get really bad as the roads aren't great round here or there and the road in-between is quite rural. However, we have had trouble in that regard anyway before where they've had to stay at ours or their mum's because we can't take cars out and so on so I don't think that much would really change unless things were extremely bad one particular year.

OP posts:
Original poster
LuckilyLucky · 10/07/2021 15:49

@WorraLiberty

Do you really have to ask?
Well I thought not but she's usually quite reasonable so it threw me.
OP posts:
Babyghirl · 10/07/2021 16:02

@LuckilyLucky
You really don't need her permission to move 15 mins down the Rd, tell her to suck it up your moving with or without her permission, tell her if she not happy to take it to court but be prepared for the judge to laugh her out the door.

HelloMissus · 10/07/2021 16:04

She’s being silly.
15 mins!!!

HighywayToHell · 10/07/2021 16:18

It’s none of her business really, 15 minutes away is nothing

Romanoff · 10/07/2021 16:20

I think she is being daft.

But when you say the oldest if getting a bus and its slightly longer, a 15 min car journey could be a lot longer on a bus.

The other thing is that you say moving 15 minutes isn't a big deal, but then list the ways it will be better for you and your family.

On the one hand, you say 15 mins will make a big difference (for you), then say that it wont for them.

Also, I would imagine that if you are adding a long journey to the kids school as they get older they may stop wanting to stay over during the week.

Rillington · 10/07/2021 17:07

If you are taking them away from their friends then yabu. Otherwise then it isn't a problem.

PurpleMustang · 10/07/2021 17:16

Only thing I can think of, is are they still able to see their friends as they do now with you

Challengerice · 10/07/2021 17:21

So currently how long would the bus take?

And if you move out?

Chocolatebuttercream · 10/07/2021 17:25

OP my dad lived in a different country for a lot of our childhood, we still saw him. 15 minutes is literally nothing, and presumably quite unusual- she is lucky you are so close (if it's half an hour with traffic as per your update,that is also very close). Don't worry!

Janaih · 10/07/2021 17:28

Change is unsettling for many people. It's symbolic to her that ex h is putting his new families needs first.
While it's irrational for her to be upset, I do think it's understandable. I wouldn't do anything about it though, she'll get used to it in time.

girlmom21 · 10/07/2021 17:32

She's just being daft

Topseyt · 10/07/2021 17:36

Sounds perfectly fine to me. Ignore her

Challengerice · 10/07/2021 17:41

If she’s usually reasonable
And now she isn’t happy
Are you really being honest when you say it adds an extra 15 mins?

Original poster
LuckilyLucky · 10/07/2021 17:47

@Challengerice

If she’s usually reasonable And now she isn’t happy Are you really being honest when you say it adds an extra 15 mins?
Yes I have just put it in Google maps, it says 17 minutes.
Are we being unreasonable?
OP posts:
Original poster
LuckilyLucky · 10/07/2021 17:50

Their friends do live closer to us now than they would if we moved but most of them are not in walking distance as it is anyway (it's quite a large town where we are now). We would always facilitate, as we currently do, if they wanted to go somewhere or to a friend's house.

OP posts:
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