Guilty and very uncomfortable about it. How many of you feel guilty for not contributing financially to the home? Married or not is a family unit and...

[Flowersandteaforall]

Just that really.
We manage with one income and not a lot of disposable money but still doable. I do 90 percent of the house chores and we are both very involved in raising our only child. He is a great dad and is very generous with his money too. I feel bad for not contributing financially (I used to work self-employed so earnings were inconsistent and little) to sum up he is the main earner and I'm a sahm that feels the guilt.

Isn't it how your husband/dp feels about you being a sahp

I don't feel guilty at all. I met my husband 6 years ago and I stopped working 6 months after we met and moved in with him. He has paid for everything since then and I've done all housework, shopping,etc.

We've recently welcomed a daughter to our family and the easiest part of adjusting to our new lives is having our solid routine and finances. We both share looking after her, we don't have to work out who's buying her school uniform or who's paying for the zoo tickets. We don't even argue over who puts her to bed or who cleans up her toys.

But in no way are either of us getting the easy or difficult part of the bargain. We both work just as hard and don't owe each other anything. A day of cleaning is equal to a day of meetings

I was a SAHM for 9 years, raising the DC while DH worked long hours building his career. I never felt guilty for a moment. We are a team, both bringing different things to our relationship and our family. DH was as hands on as he could be when he was around and he never made me feel like I should be earning as all income was shared. I went back to work part time when my youngest started school and full time when he went to secondary, but I don't regret my SAHM years at all.

I’m torn on this one to.

I’m in the unpaid bit of mat leave now. I was working via a supply agency previously albeit continuously with one long term placement after another.

Originally we talked about me staying home for 2 years at least, possible until free childcare hours kick in at 3. DH is very happy with that idea, no issue with it.

We can afford to live on the one salary although not extravagantly. Our outgoings are fairly low. We have reasonable savings and they are split between both our names/ accounts and we have no debt. We have equal access to spending money after bills are paid.

I do the lion’s share of parenting and house stuff but by no means all, DH is definitely an active and involved dad but the mental load is definitely mine (although a lot of that is self inflicted as I like to be the one making the decisions about things like sleep, weaning etc)

I very much want to be at home with my daughter and in theory there’s nothing stopping me and I’m unbelievably fortunate in that respect.

BUT I just don’t feel right with it still and have started looking at childcare and options for going back to work at least part time.
Then I feel hideously guilty about thinking about leaving DD when I don’t have to. I feel guilt either way and then I get pissed off with myself for feeling like that too.

*torn on this one too

GAAAAAH FAT THUMBS!

#RaindropsOnRosie
"A day of cleaning is equal to a day of meetings"

I'm going to frame that sentence. It means a treat to my low self esteem. Very well put so thank you!

I'm a SAHP and have been for almost 4 years. I have two children aged 7 and 3. I feel no guilt for not contributing financially at the present time because due to my DH's working hours 1) I do most of the day to day parenting and kid related stuff, 2) I do nearly all of the housework and cooking and 3) I hold us all together and keeping everything running smoothly and calmly. If I was working at the current time then it would be chaotic in our household (because I am not a naturally organised person) and, besides, everything would be dumped on me- kids, cooking, cleaning, working, and I'm not prepared to make life harder for myself when I don't have to.

I think it also helps that my dh appreciates everything I do and he knows that being at home is hard work but in a different way to if I were out doing paid work. He's very much like "work if you want to, don't work if you don't want to". However, when my youngest starts school in a year's time then I'll return to work part time. I miss work.

Op with small children I was a sahm for many years and to be honest I don't know how we would have got through it as a family with all the stresses had I worked at that time, sleepless nights etc.
Now they are older but still young I work and it is much harder to keep one top of things.. I can't deny.. House is messier etc.. Harder to keep on top of all the bitty things they do, it's stressful for both of us it would be much easier if I had even one day off.

Your a also contributing in so many other almost intangible ways.
They are small for so so very short a time.. You can work till the day you drop dead and your also sacrifice your own pensions I imagine and work career experience.

• caveat, I'm not much of a cleaner but I find it hard to keep even an even keel without having more time which impacts us all

I don’t think you should feel guilty at all, but I do think it’s too much sacrifice (and all on your part) for you to make if you don’t feel wholly comfortable with it.

In my house the reverse is true. My husband was a SAHD. Providing you have discussed and agreed the approach, and you have respect for the role each partner has it works- and did work for us. That being said, I would always encourage a partner to return to work when the kids are at school. Although our arrangement was great, in some cases my friends went through the classic scenario of being dumped for a younger model having spent years looking after small children. At this point, it is really difficult to start again, and lower paid work and poverty can sometimes result. It often comes as a shock how little a man needs to pay when he walks away from a family.