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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to carry on doing this?

36 replies

PoliteNotice · 09/07/2021 23:32

I have one DC with my husband, he has another two DC from a previous relationship. DSC stay with us every weekend.

DS and I have started a new tradition of once a month he gets to choose what to do (within reason!!) and we do it together as in just me and DS. We've been to the park in the rain 🤣, watched movies in bed ect... that sort of thing.

I work so this can only really happen at the weekend.

DH is now trying to muscle him and DSC in on this day and says we should all do it together.

I don't want this, I love the time spent with my child on his own and it's been really lovely for us.

I've no issue if DH wants to do the same with DSC and we do all do things together too but I want to keep this time for me and DS.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 09/07/2021 23:36

How is that going to work as the children will all want to do different things anyway?

Original poster
PoliteNotice · 09/07/2021 23:39

@BaronessBomburst

How is that going to work as the children will all want to do different things anyway?
This is what I said.

I think what he means is when it's something they may want to join in on so cherry picking which days they like the sound of and which they don't.

That doesn't work for me, it's my son's time with his Mum.

If there is something DSC want to do I am very happy for DH to take them to do it and have one to one time or we can do it all together another time. But not on DS's "day" (isn't usually more than an afternoon really).

OP posts:
Original poster
PoliteNotice · 09/07/2021 23:41

Oh and just to clarify these are small things. He doesn't get to say he wants to go to a theme park or something big like that. We would do that all together. It's just little things and some time for us.

OP posts:
MotionActivatedDog · 09/07/2021 23:41

YANBU at all. Stand firm. If he wants a whole family tradition he can start one. Yours isn’t that- it’s a you and DS tradition.

WithRosesAroundTheDoor · 09/07/2021 23:42

I do this with my 4 year old and plan to do the same once her little sister is old enough to understand and choose. I think that it's important that children get some 1-1 time with their parents.

Original poster
PoliteNotice · 09/07/2021 23:46

@WithRosesAroundTheDoor

I do this with my 4 year old and plan to do the same once her little sister is old enough to understand and choose. I think that it's important that children get some 1-1 time with their parents.
It's precious isn't it ☺️

He's still thinking about next time apparently but there was mention of a haribo filled cake... Not quite sure how that will work!!

OP posts:
Merriwicks · 10/07/2021 00:04

I think it is very important for 1-1 time with parents. I would protect that precious time. In my opinion this isn't even to do with step kids, as I also have this time with my two biological kids. I find it helps their behaviour

billy1966 · 10/07/2021 00:32

Do not move on this.
It is a lovely special memory your child won't forget.

NoMoreCovidPlease · 10/07/2021 02:17

YANBU it sounds lovely

BlancheB · 10/07/2021 02:31

Why not share this time with your partners DC? Good lesson for yours to learn and them too, I'd have thought?

Elbie79 · 10/07/2021 02:38

@MotionActivatedDog

YANBU at all. Stand firm. If he wants a whole family tradition he can start one. Yours isn’t that- it’s a you and DS tradition.
Yup
Original poster
PoliteNotice · 10/07/2021 05:30

@BlancheB

Why not share this time with your partners DC? Good lesson for yours to learn and them too, I'd have thought?
Why not? Because the purpose of it is supposed to be for me and DS to spend some time alone.

He shares plenty of his time with me the rest of the month.

OP posts:
Nicolastuffedone · 10/07/2021 05:45

This would be non negotiable for me. It’s mum/son time and the subject is not up for discussion.

Couldhavebeenme2 · 10/07/2021 05:48

If the dsc are coming Every weekend (ouch, do you not get a free weekend?) then it could be one weekend is your and ds special 1:1 time, 2nd weekend dsc1 choice, 3rd weekend ds choice, 4th weekend dsc2 choice. Then everyone gets a choice AND you get 1:1 with your dc

MouldyPotato · 10/07/2021 05:58

It's really important your son gets this time with you. Why should he have to share this time with you? He will only start to resent the DSC. Your DH can do his own thing with DSC and you could do something all together. I think he is just being lazy and trying to get you to organise things for his children.

MouldyPotato · 10/07/2021 06:00

I have siblings and my mum would always make sure we had seperate 1 on 1 time doing something special with her. It is a really nice memory and helped reinforce that we were all individual and not just "the kids".

FluffyPJs · 10/07/2021 06:32

@PoliteNotice
Please stick to your guns and don't let your precious time with your son get made into something else.

@Couldhavebeenme2
There's no reason for the OP to have to include the step children in her 1:1 time with her son. They will get that with their own parents, and for OPs son to only get to do it once every 4 weeks is rubbish!

ElderMillennial · 10/07/2021 06:38

YANBU OP

Just say no

FluffyPJs · 10/07/2021 06:52

@Couldhavebeenme2
Sorry I think I misread the op, I think your suggestion is actually really good! That will teach me to post when I'm half awake, sorry!

KatherineOfGaunt · 10/07/2021 06:52

YANBU. Your DS is perfectly entitled to have time with his mum without his siblings around, step or otherwise.

Billandben444 · 10/07/2021 06:53

This is lovely and I wouldn't back down. Every weekend sounds a bit OTT though as you never get a chance to be a gang of 3 which makes this 121 time with your son even more precious.

KatieKat88 · 10/07/2021 07:01

YANBU and DH should be doing something fun with his kids while you have your mum-son time so they don't feel left out

Terminallysleepdeprived · 10/07/2021 07:01

Your partner is a twat and clearly doesn't like the idea of parenting his kids alone.

I have always done this with dd (8 soon) we have mummy/daughter days, last night she wanted ikea meatballs so we popped there for tea and then had a movie night.

When her dad and I were together i would have 121 time with my dsc so as neither of their arsehole parents ever bothered with them. In fact dsd still pops round now and her dad and I split over 3 years ago!

OrchestraOfWankery · 10/07/2021 07:06

Your partner is a twat and clearly doesn't like the idea of parenting his kids alone.

Yep.

DeathStare · 10/07/2021 07:10

Your partner is a twat and clearly doesn't like the idea of parenting his kids alone
I think @Terminallysleepdeprived has hit the nail on the head.

Do not budge on your day with your DS. You could also do a monthly family day with all 5 of you, where each of you takes it in turns to pick what the whole family does.

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