AIBU to carry on doing this?

[PoliteNotice]

I have one DC with my husband, he has another two DC from a previous relationship. DSC stay with us every weekend.

DS and I have started a new tradition of once a month he gets to choose what to do (within reason!!) and we do it together as in just me and DS. We've been to the park in the rain 🤣, watched movies in bed ect... that sort of thing.

I work so this can only really happen at the weekend.

DH is now trying to muscle him and DSC in on this day and says we should all do it together.

I don't want this, I love the time spent with my child on his own and it's been really lovely for us.

I've no issue if DH wants to do the same with DSC and we do all do things together too but I want to keep this time for me and DS.

AIBU?

I has to comment for the haribo cake....I've done them with skittles and other sweets, they're great! Make your sponges, probs 3/4 sponge layers and when they're cool use a pastry cutter or glass to cut holes in the centre of the sponge. Layer them and fill with sweets of choice then when you cut it they all fall out (haribo might not fall as well as skittles etc but it will still be fun!) I made rainbow drip pinata cake for my best friends daughters birthday a few years ago....

I am on the fence with this. Lovely and really good to have time on your own sometimes but for it to a be formal once a month thing excluding everyone else I am not so sure. I am worried you are building in a divide . I would've thought you could've engineered this time without it becoming a big thing and feeling exclusive .

I think it's really important you don't give in on this OP, for several different reasons. Everything PP's have said, lovely for you and DS to have 1 on 1 time, kids will argue over choices etc and yes, maybe an element of your DP not wanting to parent his DC alone but it's so much more than that, it's retaining some independence for yours and DS's lives and relationship and that's more important than you know at this stage.

I think most NRP struggle with guilt/Disney parenting and it's easy to allow that to override everything else until 'fairness' becomes almost obsessive and everything has to include or be about DSC, which is often completely impractical and unfair on other DC. It's entirely healthy and fair to do things separately sometimes and you mustn't let your DP convince you otherwise, by all means blend your families but you will always be your DS's mum and DP his DC's dad and it's important all DC feel prioritised by their own parent as well as part of the wider family.

I speak from experience when I say don't allow a dynamic to develop where everything has to be done together, it's completely normal in any family for individual DC to need different things at times and it seems to be a phenomenon peculiar to step-families where that can be seen as wrong or unfair. It's all about DP's guilt over not being in his DC's lives full time and all you will do by giving in is validate that guilt for him when actually he's doing all he can.

I think this is a great idea and I’d encourage DH to also do it with his DC alone.

Not necessarily at the same time but both kids get to choose a 1:1 activity, you with your joint DS and DH with his DSC.

@Nsws2015

I has to comment for the haribo cake....I've done them with skittles and other sweets, they're great! Make your sponges, probs 3/4 sponge layers and when they're cool use a pastry cutter or glass to cut holes in the centre of the sponge. Layer them and fill with sweets of choice then when you cut it they all fall out (haribo might not fall as well as skittles etc but it will still be fun!) I made rainbow drip pinata cake for my best friends daughters birthday a few years ago....

Oh thank you! I didn't even think of putting the sweets in afterward which is completely obvious now, I was imagining a big gooey melted mess! 🤣

Looks fab!

No you are not being unreasonable! Tell him to f* off!

(Well obvious don’t tell him to F off in those words but definitely stand your ground OP)

I'd recommend to your partner that he starts the same tradition with his kids. Keep doing this as your son will always remember these memories.

You don't need to include them but you could offer to look after one SC, at another time in the month, to facilitate your DH having some one to one time with the other. Easy to cry "not my children, not my problem" but it's up to you and your DH to make sure this tradition doesn't feel divisive.

Also how long are we talking? A couple of hours at the park is one thing but if it's regularly a whole day thing, it might be too much for the rest of the household to accommodate every month.

it might be too much for the rest of the household to accommodate every month

What do you mean by this? The household should be able to run for one day a month without me...

@PoliteNotice

it might be too much for the rest of the household to accommodate every month

What do you mean by this? The household should be able to run for one day a month without me...

Depends on what else you do doesn't it? We only have Sundays available to see all our friends and extended family., so they get really booked up. My DH would be pissed off if I unilaterally decided to absent myself and one child from a quarter of those days. If you have loads of free weekend days of course that's different, hence the "might".

My DC still get one to one time, but weekdays in half term or holidays work much better for us.

No we quite often have free weekends. If we had plans for a weekend then I would choose another. DSC play football on Saturdays so they are often away for a couple of hours in the middle of the day anyway.