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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to get a dog

26 replies

Theblackdogagain · 09/07/2021 20:11

I've always wanted a dog, we has them growing up and I love them. Dh has put his foot down and said no way.
We have 3 cats and 2 secondary kids, one with additional needs that would also really love a dog and I think will help him emotionally. I'm no longer in the office full time and so between dh and me we are around most of the time. I would wait until the right rescue is available and know how much hard work dogs are. We have money for vets bills and a big enclosed garden.
Seriously I wouldn't get a dog without dh permission but I would love one. Is there anything like a dog? I love my cats but they are not the most affectionate of things.

OP posts:
SoapboxFox · 09/07/2021 20:13

Why doesn't your DH want a dog?

Original poster
Theblackdogagain · 09/07/2021 20:15

He thinks the majority of the work will land on him and he doesn't want the responsibility. He's main carer for our son with additional needs and can only see the effort side of it all.

OP posts:
BlueSurfer · 09/07/2021 20:17

If your dh genuinely changes his mind, then you still need to consider how your cats will adjust and if it’s really fair on them.

Original poster
Theblackdogagain · 09/07/2021 20:19

Well I did say we'll wait for the oldest to meet the rainbow Bridge first, I guess I just want something to hug.

OP posts:
HTH1 · 09/07/2021 20:23

Not sure it’s a good idea to mix a rescue dog and cats (and I have had both, separately), even without adding a child with SEN into the mix.

Happenchance · 09/07/2021 20:25

I guess I just want something to hug. A lot of dogs don't actually like being hugged, they just tolerate it.

Irishmom7 · 09/07/2021 20:26

The only real thing to consider is whether or not your neighbours are allergic to dogs.

pumpkinpie01 · 09/07/2021 20:27

Why does he think the responsibility will fall to him ?

Whinge · 09/07/2021 20:28

Sorry Op, but if you're waiting for the right rescue

Who will be good with cats
2 Teenagers
A child with SEN
and a husband who doesn't want a dog

It's going to be a very long wait.

Is there a way to get your dog cuddles by walking a friend's dog, or volunteering at a rescue centre?

StrangeToSee · 09/07/2021 20:29

It’s very unfair to force a dog on your DH if he doesn’t want one.

Dogs aren’t essential.

They also make the house smell, leave hair everywhere, triple the cleaning chores, restrict you from going on holiday (or even days out). Presumably you’d expect him to help look after the dog not just tolerate it. Eg what if you were ill, who would do the feeding, walking, poo picking, general care?

What if your DC leave home and it’s just you, DH and the dog he resents?

Original poster
Theblackdogagain · 09/07/2021 20:30

I have considered volunteering, when things have opened up a bit more I'll look into it.

OP posts:
EmmaGrundyForPM · 09/07/2021 20:33

@Irishmom7

The only real thing to consider is whether or not your neighbours are allergic to dogs.
🤣🤣🤣

OP, I am not a cat person. When I met dh he had 3 cats. Over the past 27 years we have lost cats, gained new cats, and I have put up with this.

Last year I insisted we get a dog as I had wanted one for years, but it had never been practical. Dh wasn't keen but reluctantly agreed. He is now the dog's biggest fan.

Could you compromise for the next few months and join "Borrow My Doggie"? That way you could test out whether a dog would work for your family.

Original poster
Theblackdogagain · 09/07/2021 20:37

Do wasn't a cat fan but I am, and now he's the soppiest cat owner ever. He doesn't dislike dogs (we have a lot in the wider family) which is a good start. I think my old cat has seen this post as she's jumped on my lap and is locking me

OP posts:
Original poster
Theblackdogagain · 09/07/2021 20:38

Licking me sorry, it's hard to type with all the cat love

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 09/07/2021 20:46

Most dogs dislike being hugged. Mine will tolerate it from DD.

Don't get a dog unless everyone is 100% on board.

AffableApple · 09/07/2021 20:48

@Irishmom7

The only real thing to consider is whether or not your neighbours are allergic to dogs.
Came here to reassure myself this was being said Grin
Helenluvsrob · 09/07/2021 20:55

I was going to list you a pic of the man who didn’t want a dog and the dog who he adores. But I’d better not …

He agreed only because the pup was from my friend - and so a never to be repeated offer , and she would have him back if he really didn’t like it. He was smitten if not straight away, by 12 weeks even allowing for the land shark phase.

Ddog is nearly 2. We were so lucky to get him socialised , puppy classes etc before Covid hit.

Helenluvsrob · 09/07/2021 20:56

@irishmom7
Yep !!

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/07/2021 20:56

www.boredpanda.com/dads-who-didnt-want-dogs/

But still don't!

Original poster
Theblackdogagain · 09/07/2021 20:57

I've said worse case scenario I'll get one when I retire but my mum died young and I worry that I'll never get the chance. Don't worry I won't actually get a pet without full agreement from dh but I can still want.

OP posts:
EmmaGrundyForPM · 10/07/2021 02:38

OP I felt like that. I'm.in my 50s and thought, if I don't get a dog soon, I'll be too old and will miss my chance. As it was, the first few weeks almost broke me as I had underestimated the toll that broken nights would have on me at my age.

I really wish we'd done it 10 years earlier when the dc were early teens as they would have got so much out of him, but my work situation didn't allow for it. I'm now wfh (not Covid, but a job that only requires me to go to an office once a month after the pandemic is over) and in 'normal' times dh wfh 3 days a week.

A dog is a huge commitment but we don't regret it at all.

PandemicPalava · 10/07/2021 03:21

Maybe try Borrow my doggy

QOD · 10/07/2021 03:34

Best thing we ever did.
Dd wanted a dog soooo bad. I kind of did but knew I would be the dog Walker. Dh finally came around but wanted a lab/beagle that kind of size
Mum got a chihuahua.
We fell in love and after failing to find or be acceptable for a rescue (teen, cat, me working pt and small visiting children) we got a chi puppy
Absolute perfection. She thinks she’s a normal sized dog and is good natured and just so loving
Dh. As predicted. Has walked her twice in nearly 4 years 🙄😂
Dcat is happy as Larry with the dog as he’s in charge as he’s bigger

QOD · 10/07/2021 03:35

Oh snd we crate trained, only left her for 4 hr blocks and now I wfh. Perfect

MayorGundersonsDogRufus · 10/07/2021 04:54

Have you tried dog sitting for friends or neighbours? This could be a good way to test out your ability as a family to care for a dog without a long term commitment, as well as make a bit of side cash! A family I know did this because they were in two minds. They did end up getting a dog themselves eventually but still do dog sitting for a select few clients!

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