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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want this in my children report to new school

43 replies

newname9583 · 09/07/2021 17:17

Name change as could get flamed Grin
DD is going start school in September and I have been sent a report that we have to sign that will go on to school. The majority of it seems fine.
However one section mentions that she needs to regulate her emotions better, understand other children's feeling in situations and understand boundaries. This has come a bit of a surprise to me. Nothing has ever been mentioned in the two years she has been there. At home this is not like her and she has always played well with other children in front of me. In fact other family/friends have mentioned how she plays well with other children and is kind and sharing. I don't want to sound like that parent and I'm not even questioning them as to say they are lying. I just wish if they felt this was the case enough to put it in her report they would have also spoke to me about it.
I haven't spoke to the nursery yet but at the moment I do not feel like signing the report. I feel like this will create an impression of DD before she has even started school. AIBU?

OP posts:
NanBoleyn · 09/07/2021 17:54

Hi OP
I can understand how you feel although as others have said it sounds normal behaviour for that age - is there room to put a comment as well as sign it? You could say something along the lines of being a bit surprised to read this as nothing has been mentioned previously and that it would be helpful to know if there’s anything you should be doing at home to work on this.

Snaketime · 09/07/2021 17:56

They have put it on the report to school because they are things she needs to work on, next steps if you will, the reason you haven't been told is because it isn't an actually issue yet. My DD's nursery put similar on her report, which they told me it isn't a big deal as she was still little, but they had to tell school for 'things she needed to work on', but now she is 7 this is a problem that school are talking to me about.
I am assuming your DD is 4/5?

SwanShaped · 09/07/2021 18:01

I’d be annoyed too to have that only come up in a report. It should have been mentioned.

ahoyshipmates · 09/07/2021 18:03

@insancerre

It’s pretty standard stuff and within the boundaries of normal behaviour They haven’t mentioned it because it’s normal behaviour Just let it go
Well why have they put it in the report at all then? Why bother commenting specifically about something that the new school would expect to find anyway?
Original poster
newname9583 · 09/07/2021 18:03

@Clusterfckintolerant it's the lack of communication for me. Everyday I pick her up it's just that she has had a wonderful day and what's she's had to eat.
@NanBoleyn thank you that's a good idea. I will speak to the nursery first just to see what they say. But will possibly write something like that as I don't want to not sign it.

OP posts:
MildredPuppy · 09/07/2021 18:05

Is there a chance its someone elses comment. A lot of cut and paste goes on

RaindropsOnRosie · 09/07/2021 18:11

You do sound like 'that parent' You don't know what you child is like when you're not there and this is a very normal thing for children to go through. You're going to really struggle when they start bringing up the other things she does that you don't believe.

Original poster
newname9583 · 09/07/2021 18:15

@RaindropsOnRosie I didn't once say I didn't believe them that is not the point of the thread at all. It's the fact it was never mentioned!!!

OP posts:
Ytrigging · 09/07/2021 18:23

When did you think the nursery should have mentioned it to you? At handover each day they definitely won’t have enough time to run through her targets. Did you have a parents evening or targets time or something like that? The report isn’t a judgement on your child, it’s the opportunity to give you information and that’s what they’ve done.

Original poster
newname9583 · 09/07/2021 18:28

Ok update. I've just gone back on the report to show DH to see what he thinks and it is a completely different report. This one does sound a lot more like DD as it mentions things like needing to improve her confidence when communicating her needs. I know she can be quite shy. Im now thinking the wrong report was uploaded 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
BackforGood · 09/07/2021 18:29

As others have said it’s just wording on the EYFS framework. It doesn’t mean anything negative, it’s a signpost to the new setting of where she is in terms of that framework.

This ^
It hasn't been discussed with you as it isn't an issue. She is within the bounds of normal expectations for that age of child, and that is a comment about what the next step is.

Can I just let you now that It is incredibly unlikely that it will even register at all with your dd's school.
Trust me, Reception teachers have dc going into their classes who are not secure in the 8 - 20month developmental bands. Even if they read every child's EYFS Report (unlikely), this will not hit anybody's radar.

Honestly. Just relax.
This is not an issue.

BackforGood · 09/07/2021 18:30

x posted with your update

newnortherner111 · 09/07/2021 18:33

If the wrong report was uploaded and you now have the correct one, that is a serious issue which should be raised. You are upset, can you imagine what could have happened in a family where the mum and dad are separated, or with a history of DV.

invisiblesuit · 09/07/2021 18:35

I agree with you OP. If the new school needs to know, then you as parents certainly need to know. They should have talked to you about this.

Original poster
newname9583 · 09/07/2021 18:43

@newnortherner111

If the wrong report was uploaded and you now have the correct one, that is a serious issue which should be raised. You are upset, can you imagine what could have happened in a family where the mum and dad are separated, or with a history of DV.
I didn't think of this. I am going to speak to nursery on Monday. Partly to clarify she now has the right report which I think she does. I can't remember if the previous one said her name in it. This new one does. Although I'm sure I would have picked up on it if another name was in the report.
OP posts:
Lilypansy · 09/07/2021 18:44

Why do you think nursery should have mentioned this? If staff had to discuss every little nuance of behaviour with every parent, they would never get home.
Fine if it was something of concern, but this is simple a comment on your daughter's development. No-one at her next school will take any notice, they will make up their own minds.

Lilypansy · 09/07/2021 18:47

I've just read that you think you got the wrong report. I would definitely need to bring that up with nursery.

AubergineParmigiana · 09/07/2021 19:08

I've just had my kids school reports. There are areas for improvement under every heading, and I'm not necessarily aware of them.

Kindly, I think you're being a bit sensitive. You say your issue is with the fact that you haven't heard about it first, but it seems like you don't want the school to have a negative impression of her.

As PPs have said, they're not going to bat an eyelid and that comment in the grand scheme of things is really quite insignificant.

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