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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's ex wife buying MIL's house...

49 replies

Midwife1997 · 09/07/2021 09:34

I am so stressed about lack of progress. Quite apart from his ex buying the house... MIL died 6 months ago. Husband decided to sell to ex (long story). House still full of crap despite my stressing urgency to get it cleared. Husband and ex do not speak. All communication through their daughter! Their lease is up at end of July. Husband has said they won't have keys until all formalised legally. Any thought on how I can keep my sanity. Am I over reacting? Should I give my head a wobble? Seriously, I am so stressed about it all.

Midwife

OP posts:
Illogicalmadness · 09/07/2021 09:40

If the ex and your dh don't speak to each other, why is he selling to her? It would have been less hassle to sell it to a stranger on the open market.

Original poster
Midwife1997 · 09/07/2021 09:44

I know, Illogical. Bonkers

Midwife

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 09/07/2021 09:44

He shouldn't be selling it to her if they are not even on speaking terms. Its a recipe for stress. Do you mean the lease on the place thry are in now expires in July If so that really is her problem to sort out to find accommodation.

MatildaTheCat · 09/07/2021 09:49

No idea how to navigate the ex, that’s barmy but house clearance is the way to go with getting rid of the crap. It’s very straightforward.

phoenixrosehere · 09/07/2021 09:51

I can see why he would sell it to his ex wife since from the sounds of things that her and their daughter will be living there so keeping it within the family through his daughter unless I’ve read this wrong and daughter isn’t living with her mother?

jadfiewahnds · 09/07/2021 09:54

It's his mother's house, his ex-wife. I would say that makes it his problem not yours. Honestly, I would try to stay out of it and let him deal with it (or not deal with it, it's up to him). Surely it's not worth making yourself ill with stress?

tallduckandhandsome · 09/07/2021 09:57

Why are YOU stressed?

Do you need the money from the sale?

CrotchetyQuaver · 09/07/2021 09:58

Honestly I would just leave him to it, this is a problem entirely of his own making. I'm sure he had a good reason in his own mind to sell to his ex he won't speak to and I presume he does intend to clear the house before completion rather than leave it to piss her off?

LittleOwl153 · 09/07/2021 09:58

I would sit down with your husband and find out:

  1. exactly how far along this sale is. Have the solicitors done their bit? Less that 3 weeks is not enough time for mortgage, searches etc if this is not already very close to being done.
  1. What the plan is re clearance. He could go in at the weekend remove what he wants (along with any siblings) and then bring in a clearance firm who would clear it in a week or less I would think. Assuming he can get one booked. If he plans to do it himself then what is his plan and is it realistic?

If the financial are sorted then yes you probably need to get involved with getting it cleared. But be aware that this is probably quite hard for him especially if it was his family home. Of the financial aren't going to be sorted then I'd probably back off and leave him to it for a while, then maybe suggest putting it on the open market.

In terms of his ex going forward her accommodation is not your problem. Can his daughter live with you until it is all sorted. He needs to be careful what burden he is placing on his daughter too.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/07/2021 09:59

What are you stressed about? How old is the daughter?

RubyFowler · 09/07/2021 10:00

Just leave them to it and keep out of it. It doesn't have to be your problem.

GoingHoarse · 09/07/2021 10:00

Sorry, I'm confused - why are you stressed? Surely it's DH's problem to sort. Is DH stressed?

Snoken · 09/07/2021 10:05

I feel sorry for the DD if she has to mediate between them. There's quite a lot to sort out when buying a property after all. They just need to be adults about it and get it sorted themselves.

randomlyLostInWales · 09/07/2021 10:08

Are you worried about getting roped into last minute house clearance? It will need to be done before sale goes through and can take longer than people realise.

Maybe look at firms that do that - otherwise it's perfectly fine for the keys not to handed over till sale has completed - would be normal in fact and there can be are insurance implications before then.

if ex and DD lease ends July and sale hasn't gone through - they'll need to find somewhere else to stop until it does - which is on them not you or your DH.

bloodyhell19 · 09/07/2021 10:11

Why are you stressed? DH's mother, DH's house to sell, DH's ex. Sounds like DH's problem. And if he's not stressed or making roads to empty the property, that's down to him.

annacondom · 09/07/2021 10:17

Yep. Smile and nod. Let him/them get on with it. Has he asked for your help?

WallaceinAnderland · 09/07/2021 10:17

House still full of crap despite my stressing urgency to get it cleared.

Why are you stressing? Leave them to it.

Notaroadrunner · 09/07/2021 10:21

Why are you stressed? It's not your house to sell and if your Dh isn't stressing over it then you shouldn't be concerning yourself about it. His ex has nothing to do with you so why worry that her lease is nearly up? If the house needs to be cleared it's up to your Dh to organise, not you. None of this is your responsibility so put it out of your head and leave them to it.

Livelovebehappy · 09/07/2021 10:24

leave it to your DH. His inheritance and he should be dealing with all the house formalities of the sale. I’m guessing his ex wants this to move through quickly too, if she’s not speaking to him. dont get why people are concerned that he shouldn’t be selling to ex due to hassle, as once it eventually goes through, he has no further interest in the property and both can continue with their own lives. Everything presumably being dealt with via solicitors, and would be same process whether stranger or someone you know.

Original poster
Midwife1997 · 09/07/2021 10:30

Thank you all so much. Yes, I am going to back off. It's not my problem is it! You've given my head the wobble it needs.

Midwife

OP posts:
PurpleSunrise · 09/07/2021 10:32

What are you stressing about specifically?

Aprilx · 09/07/2021 10:43

I don’t understand why this would stress you in any way. You don’t need to be involved.

toocold54 · 09/07/2021 10:46

I completely understand why you’d be stressed I am frustrated just reading it!

It’s you DHs mum so he needs to clear the house out. Why is he not doing it? Does he think ex should do it?

notanothertakeaway · 09/07/2021 10:51

Not your circus, not your monkeys

Sure, help with tasks when requested, but this is not your problem to resolve

TatianaBis · 09/07/2021 10:58

I would leave them to sort it out between themselves.