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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband's ex wife buying MIL's house...

49 replies

Midwife1997 · 09/07/2021 09:34

I am so stressed about lack of progress. Quite apart from his ex buying the house... MIL died 6 months ago. Husband decided to sell to ex (long story). House still full of crap despite my stressing urgency to get it cleared. Husband and ex do not speak. All communication through their daughter! Their lease is up at end of July. Husband has said they won't have keys until all formalised legally. Any thought on how I can keep my sanity. Am I over reacting? Should I give my head a wobble? Seriously, I am so stressed about it all.

Midwife

OP posts:

Crinkle77 · 09/07/2021 11:11

Can't the solicitors just deal with everything?

tallduckandhandsome · 09/07/2021 11:18

I wasn’t sure why you kept telling us why your job is Midwife at the end of each post unless it was to explain why you were stressed 😂

ThursdayWeld · 09/07/2021 11:21

Husband has said they won't have keys until all formalised legally

This sounds well dodgy. Like they're expecting him to let them in before completion. Is it not in the hands of solicitors? Sounds like your husband isn't handling it very well, so - against the advice of PPs - I wouldn't leave it to him.

SmokeyDevil · 09/07/2021 11:25

Let your idiot of a husband handle it. If he thinks this is such a good idea, go ahead. He can organise the clear out of stuff, he is just hoping you'll do it for him, like you're currently stressing about. Let him stress. He isn't because you're doing it for him.

ThursdayWeld · 09/07/2021 11:27

People, think! Husband is obviously hopeless. I can easily see, if the OP leaves him to it, the ex-wife moving in with no legalities completed. He will do this for an easy life. And it will be a complete mess.

RubyFowler · 09/07/2021 11:29

@ThursdayWeld

A mess he can deal with, no?

GrandDuchessRomanov · 09/07/2021 11:34

Do you need/want the money OP?

That’s the only reason I can think of for being stressed out about it.

It’s not your problem to solve.

randomlyLostInWales · 09/07/2021 11:41

Husband has said they won't have keys until all formalised legally.

The OP says this - so I don't know why posters are suggesting OP DH will be be handing the keys over with the legal stuff not done.

I think OP may be one suggesting keys get handed over before as she's the one fussing about ex's lease expiring date.

The only thing I can see that could be stressful is maybe the house clearance being done last minute but that can be upsetting to do so maybe her DH is still mentally gearing up to get it done.

Doghead · 09/07/2021 11:44

6 months from the date of death really isn't that long. Probate would've been needed which is taking longer than usual due to covid. Add to that the length of time conveyancing transactions are currently taking.

Calm down, back off, and let it take its course.

Flowers500 · 09/07/2021 11:56

How old is the daughter? Is this a case of child and ex potentially ending up homeless while waiting, and it getting blamed on her dad?

Is the sale otherwise ready to go, bar the clear out?

yellowsubmarines · 09/07/2021 11:56

I completely agree with pp. For whatever reason DH has decided to sell his mother's house to an ex wife he doesn't speak to. Did he consult with you on this beforehand? Was it a mutually agreed decision? If not, I would stay out of it now and let DH crack on.
The house needs to be cleared? DH must have known this when he decided to sell it? So what's his plan? If he needs help then his daughter can help organise that? Is daughter living with mother and they're both moving into the house? DH and daughter might want to keep some of mother/grandmother's things? Let them sort it. If daughter doesn't want to be involved and DH isn't consulting you then leave it to DH to figure out.

littlefireseverywhere · 09/07/2021 12:02

Wow, that is slightly bonkers. Although in a way it'll be quite nice as their / his DD will still use the house his Mum had so a good connection there. Agree his show, back off and leave him to it.

I know this is easier said than done. I have a similar situation (not house related) with MIL / DH relationship. I could sort it out but unfortunately it's not mine to get involved in and perhaps most importantly neither of them has asked for my help! I need to keep remembering this!!

bogoffmda · 09/07/2021 12:28

Seriously OP - leave them to it.

My parent died Dec 2019 and not from covid, the last year getting anything done has been painful. We are just finalising my sib buying the rest of us out of the house - it has taken 18 months - sib has moved in to the house with family and the lawyers / conveyancers are dealing with it. My other sib is mega stressed by you and I am just letting it happen!

His problem, leave him to it.

Original poster

Midwife1997 · 09/07/2021 13:22

It's the glacial pace that's stressing me out. Exchange hasn't happened, completion will be at least a couple of weeks after that. We think (via daughter) that tenancy is up towards the end of July. Ex not dealing with anything either. I've not heard 'not your circus, not your monkeys' - Thanks notanother... that's my new mantra.

Again, thank you for all of your replies.

OP posts:

Lolapusht · 09/07/2021 16:39

It doesn’t actually matter how slowly the pair of them are, it all comes down to how slow their conveyancers are! They will have instructed conveyancers and they need to do the legal side of things and until that’s done there will be no exchange or completion. She may not be able to move in at the end of July if the conveyancing hasn’t been completed by then (searches back? Enquiries all satisfied? Finance available etc.) Ultimately, if he doesn’t clear the house then his ex can deal with it when she moves in (she can take him to small claims to reclaim any costs she incurs in clearing everything if she’s desperate to) 🤷🏻‍♀️They don’t need to talk to each other because they’re paying people to deal with the sale on their behalf. Their poor daughter doesn’t need to be involved.

WallaceinAnderland · 09/07/2021 18:32

Let's say their tenancy ends and the house is not sold. How does that impact you in any way?

ThursdayWeld · 09/07/2021 19:17

But the house has been inherited within the marriage, so it does affect the OP as well - it's her property too.

OP's DH sounds hopeless to me. And yes, OP will be affected when it all goes tits up because she left him to it.

HotPenguin · 09/07/2021 19:21

If they have to exchanged and her DH can't honour the completion date then there could be big financial penalties which will affect the OP.

WallaceinAnderland · 10/07/2021 11:43

@HotPenguin

If they have to exchanged and her DH can't honour the completion date then there could be big financial penalties which will affect the OP.

Husband has said they won't have keys until all formalised legally.

From the OP.

What she is saying is that they won't complete until the house is empty so the ex wife's tenancy will end but she won't have completed on the purchase so won't be able to move in.

This is not an issue, it happens to people all the time because it's impossible to guarantee that completion will happen before tenancy ends. Most people would either find a way to extend their tenancy or rent somewhere else short time, or stay in hotel type accommodation until they completed.

There is literally nothing to stress about unless OP comes back to say what, specifically, is the cause of her stress.

ThursdayWeld · 10/07/2021 11:43

I bet he lets his ex move in. Just you wait and see.

Original poster

Midwife1997 · 10/07/2021 12:13

I hope not Thursday. He's promised he won't. x

OP posts:

Winter2020 · 10/07/2021 12:30

Hi OP,
Unless your husbands ex has given notice to end her tenancy (when she can be charged double rent if she stays beyond) then her tenancy doesn't "end" at the end of July (assuming England). The fixed term part of her tenancy can end and the tenancy simply becomes a rolling periodic tenancy - and the tenant does not need to leave.

This rolling periodic tenancy occurs whether or not the landlord would like the tenancy to continue/whether or not they want to agree another fixed term/re-let etc. The rolling periodic tenancy still occurs if the landlord says "no - you can't stay on a rolling contract you need to agree to another year/neef to leave" It is simply the law.

A tenancy can only be ended with the tenants agreement or by the court. If the landlord would like the tenant to leave then they would need to issue an eviction notice (properly executed and there are many conditions that must be met) and take the tenant to court. This can easily take a year but certainly many months. No tenant has to leave at the end of July because that is when their fixed term is up - they have many, many months from then.

If husbands ex would like advice if their landlord is insisting they have to leave (which they don't without a court order) they can get good advice on the house buying/renting/selling forum of money saving expert.

Put the worry of them needing to move quickly out of your head. Just tell them (via husband/solicitor) not to agree to move/give their notice until they are ready.

ThursdayWeld · 10/07/2021 13:03

@Midwife1997

I hope not Thursday. He's promised he won't. x

Let's hope. But remember, it's your house too!

Keeping2ChevronsApart · 10/07/2021 13:04

It's sounds like she's dragging out things on purpose. Come the end of July she will then say their daughter has nowhere to live so can they move in a bit early

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